Lecture 6 Gender Intimacies: Our Relationships

The Gender of Love Men and women are thought to have different roles and responsibilities related to “love” in relationships  How do you know when someone loves you?  What does our culture say are the roles of men and women in relationships?

Love & Courtship Idea of love is socially & culturally bound “Romantic Love" emerged in Victorian era and focused on emotional attachment  Feminized during 20 th Century  Women seen as responsible for creating and maintaining love

Gendering “Love” Masculine Love - ‘providing’  Spending time together, shared activities, sex, and help  Suppress emotions Feminine Love - ‘caring’  Nurturing, emphasis on talking and feelings  Reveal emotions Documented that people view women’s style of love as “better”

Gender and Learning Sexuality Men and women are socialized to think differently about sexuality and relationships  Men and women experience different paths to sexual orientation How are gays and lesbians affected by the sexual ideology?  Gay men associate sexual identity with erotic experiences  Lesbians associate identity with relationships

Modern Marriage Companionship marriage (1880’s -1960’s)  Nuclear-family norms and roles  Emotional satisfaction and Romantic love  Marriage as the site of sexuality Individualized Marriage (1970’s to today)  Personal fulfillment  Flexible roles

Deinstitutionalization of Marriage Weakening of marriage as a social institution  Norms, rules, and roles  Shared understandings of how to act Cohabitation  Long term cohabitation on the rise  Alternative to marriage for non-traditional couples Same-sex marriage  Challenge or support heteronormativity?

Why Marry? In % of Americans were married  Marriage remains a strong social institution Symbolic importance  Part of our life-cycle Weddings as Cultural Events  American Consumerism  Heterosexual, White, Middle-class  “Wedding Porn”

“Wedding Porn”

What does the “American Wedding” Symbolize?

Quick Writing: Take ten minutes to answer the following questions: How do you determine if someone is your friend? Explain. Are men’s & women’s friendships different? Can men and women be friends? Why or why not?

How do you know someone is your friend?

Gendered Friendships Men’s Friendships  Built around shared interests and activities  Men have fewer friends, weaker ties  “Segmented” relationships Women’s Friendships:  Emotional support, intimacy  Have more friends, stronger ties  “Holistic” relationships