Forgiveness NOW- Cutting the Strings that Control You Presented by Robert L Bray, PhD, LCSW, TFT-VT

 Basic Tapping Elements Video  This video presentation  This power point presentation Forgiveness NOW Cutting the Strings that Control You

 Defining forgiveness for yourself  Awareness of forgiveness in freeing oneself  Recognizing the forgiveness in context  Deciding how you will deal with Injustice, violence, and arm you have experienced to move positively in your life.  How to forgive Out Comes

Automatic Reaction to Injustice Bilateral Forgiveness Unilateral Forgiveness Self Forgiveness Acting with Intention Regaining Control of Your Life

 Ending the overwhelming emotions  Releasing the unpaid Debt still owed Two elements of Forgiveness

 Practice Tapping  Rate the level of upset one to ten--Be aware of what you are experiencing (sensing or perceiving in your body)  Tap (use complex trauma- on your introductory video)  When upset is at 4 or less begin to consider the debt that is owed. The Ending the overwhelming Emotions

 Reduced stress  Greater Flexibility- more choices  Being aligned with your own nature  Google Forgiveness and Health Benefits Health Benefits

 A process for getting unstuck from an event, situation, relationship or condition.  A state of being that has emotional, mental, and spiritual components  What we can do when there is no other way to end the debt or we choose to no longer pursue payment. What it Forgiveness

 Vengeance  Retaliation  Reconciliation  Justice  Justice is done when one receives what is due them  Justice is more than equal treatment – criminal or civil legal processes  Psychotherapy What is not forgiveness

 Every one has to the right to his or her own feelings and the right to give expression to them.  Every one has the right to his or her own thoughts and the right to give expression to them.  Every one has the right to choose his or her actions and carry them out in a manner respectful of others rights. Forgiveness is a way to Personal Freedom- Your Basic Rights:

 When on is the a victim of violence or injustice of any sort we have a natural physical and emotional response that often changes our behavior.  Show video-  To violate these rights is Violence

 An innate sense of what is fair and right.  How many grapes does justice require?  How can I trust again?  How to I stop wasting my energy? Justice

 Act out- until exhausted or contained by others  Go numb to feel nothing at all  Reconstruct our reality to avoid or dismiss the harm and our reaction to it.  mediation – distraction – medication- cognitive processing  Tap Regaining Emotional Control

 What is the currency of the debt  Money  Emotional expression  Life energy  Time  Love Righting the Wrong- Collecting what is owed

 The more the specific the better  What, When, Who,  You are safe. If harm or injustice is still happening- then you may need to fight, run, negotiate, seek help, or find a safe place.  Explanation, excuses, retaliation, or other actions have failed. Forgiveness in Context

 Between to parties-  Requires a complete apology  If the apology is accepted - forgiveness is required only if there is unpaid or unpayable debt  The nature of the unpaid debt comes in many forms Bilateral Forgiveness

 Accept responsibility for the action causing the harm  Fully understand the harm that you caused as experienced by the other  A plan of action so that the violence, injustice, or harm will not happen again Complete apology

 I forgive you for (specify the action causing the harm) releasing all resentment (and/or other upsetting emotions) and releasing all expectations for anything more.  I ask you to forgive me for (specify the action causing the harm) releasing all resentments and releasing all expectation for anything more. Still overwhelmed emotionally and waiting for more? Try forgiveness-

 Does not require you forget  Does not require you continue the relationship  Does not have to be granted  Does not negate commitments and other agreements if accepted.  Is a moral (matter of right and wrong) issue.  A choice in your context of your life. (Turkey, Rwanda) Forgiveness

 Trust to the extent some one has show his/her trustworthiness. Trust in relationship

 Think of some one who has harmed you and imagine saying “I forgive you for (specify the action causing the harm) releasing all resentment (and/or other upsetting emotions) and releasing all expectations for anything more.  Notice what you feel and think. Rate the upset -tap.  Say it again notice what you think and feel. Is it time to forgive? Is it time to engage in another way?  Tap again as needed.  What will it take for you move forward in this relationship- What will it take to move forward in life? Experiment

 When the other is not willing or able to participate.  Decreased  Incapable  No desire to be forgiven  No desire to continue the relationship  Letting go is the only way forward. Unilateral Forgiveness

 Assigning responsibility  Understanding the harm done  New course of action- terms of involvemnet Elements of an Non-Apology

 The injustice will never be righted  No apology  No explanation  No way to rebuild trust  No way to be supported in growth  Grief may or may not require forgiveness- Do the grief work!!– next webinar Death of a Parent

 Imagine Saying “I forgive (the target) my father for (the harm done) leaving me when I was a defenseless child releasing all resentments, anger, and pain and releasing any expectation of more.”  Notice what you feel and think. Tap  Say it again notice what you think and feel. Is it time to forgive? Is it time to engage in another way?  Tap again as needed.  What will it take for you move forward in your life free of resentments and expectations of more? Experient

 The most difficult-  The harm done to others or the harm done to self  Understanding the standards which you are assessing the harm and your behaviors:  as you set them today  as you set them as a child  as set by your parent  as set by your religion  Judge yourself as you would another! Self Forgiveness

 When the other is not willing or able to participate.  Decreased  Incapable  No desire to be forgiven  No desire to continue the relationship  When complete repayment of debt is impossible  Tap  Make the apology - write it, confess it, share it  Forgive Forgiving Self for Harm done to Others

 Accept responsibility for the harmful action  Understand the impact for the action  Explanation, excuses, retaliation, or other actions have failed moving forward positively in your life. Forgiving Oneself for harm done to Self

 Imagine Saying “I forgive myself for (the harm done) choosing to continue to damage my brain with drug resentments, anger, and pain and releasing any expectation of more of myself in regards this past decision.”  Notice what you feel and think. Tap  Say it again notice what you think and feel. Is it time to forgive? Is it time to engage in another way?  Tap again until the emotional upset is reduced.  What will it take for you move forward in your life free of resentments and expectations of more? Experient

 Do what you can to right the wrongs  Understand what is in our individual and shared power  Be reasonable in our expectations for ourselves and one another.  When there is no other way forward- forgive  Forgive freely and often. The work of Forgiveness

 My body feels relaxed and energized  My emotions are positive  My thoughts are fluid and expansive  My heart is open, light, and connected  My soul is free A State of Forgiveness

Automatic Reaction to Injustice Bilateral Forgiveness Unilateral Forgiveness Self Forgiveness Acting with Intention Regaining Control of Your Life