TRY FIRST TO UNDERSTAND, THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD!

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Habit #5 Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

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Presentation transcript:

TRY FIRST TO UNDERSTAND, THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD! HABIT 5 TRY FIRST TO UNDERSTAND, THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD!

« Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf! » the deepest need of the human heart: to be listened to ‘people do not care how much you know until they know how much you care’ (caring is more important than intelligence)

5 POOR LISTENING STYLES 1. Spacing out (not there) 2. Pretend listening (yeah, uh-huh) 3. Selective listening (your interest) 4. Word listening (not body language, nor tone) 5. Self-centered listening: judging, advising, probing (interrogation)

GENUINE LISTENING = 100% Use your eyes (53%), heart (40%) and ears (7%). Listen to what people are NOT saying. Stand in their shoes (do not try to win a conversation) Practise mirroring - say it in your own words (paraphrase, choose to describe facts) + use I-messages ---Only in conflict situations

Communicating with parents…

Parents, ALIENS? Vicious circle: parents and teens DO NOT even TRY to understand each other and to communicate. Each party (especially the teens) prefers to complain. SHOCK your parents and TRY to communicate! You can disarm them immediately! Try to listen to them…(not the poor 5 styles, please!) Try to understand their pressure and the BIIIIGGGG problems they handle every day

Seek first to understand, then to be understood! If you do the 1st part only = a doormat TAKE COURAGE and EXPRESS your feelings (they never die…, they will eat your heart out if you do not share them) TAKE COURAGE and GIVE HONEST FEEDBACK to people (even if it is not always positive) = use I messages + consider their interest, not yours

Don`t forget: two ears and one mouth! Thank you!

Please Listen When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving advice, you have not done what I asked, nor heard what I need. When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings. When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to solve my problems, you have failed me - strange as that may seem. Listen, please! All I asked was that you listen. Not talk nor "do" - just hear me. Advice is cheap. A quarter gets both "Dear Abby" and astrological forecasts in the same newspaper. That I can do for myself. I'm not helpless. Maybe discouraged and faltering - but not helpless. When you do something for me that I can and need to do for myself, you make me feel fearful and weak. Perhaps that's why, for some people, prayer works, because God is mute, and doesn't give advice or try to fix what we must take care of ourselves So, please listen and just hear me! And if you want to talk, let's plan for your turn, and I promise I'll listen to you. (Anonymous)

Homework: Please listen! (poem) Highlight the things that we do not want the other people to do when we ask them to listen to us. Add 5 other possible attitudes (own experience)