Sexuality During:

Infants of both sexes are born with the capacity for sexual pleasure and response, and some experience observable orgasm Self administered genital stimulation is common among both boys and girls during the first two years Masturbation is the most common sexual expression during childhood years. Parental reactions can be an important influence in developing sexuality. How would you respond to a 2, 5, or 7 year old masturbating: at a daycare center at naptime; at home with a babysitter doing homework; at home with parents and siblings watching TV? (consider child’s feelings, impact on child’s sexuality, adult’s feelings, other’s feelings)

When is someone ready for sex? Physical, emotional and relational considerations resources: Dr. Darcy Luadzers, author of Virgin Sex for Guys and Virgin Sex for Girls: A No Regrets Guide to Safe and Healthy Sex What are some characteristics of a sexually healthy adolescent?

 Appreciates own body  Takes responsibility for own behaviors  Is knowledgeable about sexuality issues  Communicates effectively with family about issues, including sex  Understands and seeks information about parents’ and family values  Interacts with both genders in appropriate and respectful ways  Expresses love and intimacy in developmentally appropriate ways  Skills to evaluate readiness for mature sexual relationships

 “Reconciling the Erotic and Domestic is about bringing together two fundamental human needs: security and adventure, spring from different sources and pull us in two different dimensions” (Stephen Mitchell, Esther Perel) SecurityAdventure Safety, reliabilityNovelty, mystery, unexpected, Permanence, groundingQuest for unknown Autonomy, independenceFreedom Love seeks closenessDesire needs space Contract the distanceDifference, otherness Know the belovedFire needs air We seek predictabilityPassion and uncertainty

 Does a baby threaten a couple’s erotic life?  New systemic configuration: division of roles, attending to the couple, attending to children  What eroticism thrives on is what family life defends against: comfort and consistency vs. excitement and unpredictability  Sex and motherhood  Will adult sexuality damage the child?  It’s not the kids who extinguish the flame-it’s the adults who fail to keep the spark alive  (Esther Perel)