The Power of Active Listening

Seek first to understand, then to be understood. ~Steven Covey

Percentage of Time Used Communication Stats Mode of Communication Formal Years of Training Percentage of Time Used Writing 12 years 9% Reading 6-8 years 16 % Speaking 1-2 years 30% Listening 0-few hours 45%

Fast Facts We listen at 125-250 wpm, think at 1000-3000 wpm 75% of the time we are distracted, preoccupied or forgetful 20% of the time, we remember what we hear More than 35% of businesses think listening is a top skill for success Less than 2% of people have had formal education with listening

Active Listening (4 Steps) Question Reflect-Paraphrase Agree

Listening is the highest compliment one can pay to another human being. Listening attentively (actively): shows respect builds trust cements relationships

“Listening” involves an awareness of: Words (what) + Tone of voice (how) + Body language (how) What kind of behavior do you do when you’re not listening? Look away Do two things at once Show looks of disapproval Fidget Slouch Respond with disdain, sarcasm, or defensiveness

What is Active Listening? Active Listening means that you seeking to understand. You make sure that you are getting the correct message without passing judgment. It includes “Opening the door” to good conversation Drawing out a speaker with questions Reflecting feeling that you hear and see Paraphrasing to capture content

Opening door to good conversation shows an interest… Opening door to good conversation shows an interest…. But it must be done sincerely, without judgment. “I see” “Right” “Uh huh”… “Okay” “Sure” “Yeah” “Yes” “Wow” “Really?”

Probing with open-ended comments / questions draws the speaker out. Ask to – Show interest (I’d like to hear your opinion on this.”) Encourage more explanation (What do you think the problem is?) Keep the person talking (Tell me more…)

Act like a mirror and reflect feelings that you see and hear Act like a mirror and reflect feelings that you see and hear. This is particularly useful when the person’s tone of voice or gestures don’t match her words. Someone may say: “Don’t worry. I’m fine” (when she actually looks very upset)… Reflecting, you say “You say you’re OK, but by the tone of your voice, you seem upset, correct?” OR just as a check… “Seems like you had a fun time, right? OR “I sense you’ve become worried. Is that so?” Hold a “mirror” up to the other person – describing how they look or act….

PARAPHRASE the speaker to acknowledge the story and capture the content. CAUTION: Don’t parrot back; be sure to put the message in your own words – that’s active listening. EXAMPLE: “Let’s see if I got this right. You’re upset because you think we’re going off in the wrong direction and you want to clarify our objective before we write this assignment. Is that right” When you get a clue about why the person is feeling as he or she does, put the message into your own words:

Use paraphrasing to: Avoid confusion (It sounds like…) Bring out the speaker’s intent (Let me see if I heard you right…) Confirm understanding (Are you saying that…?) See situation as speaker sees it (In other words, what you mean is…)

Remember that the objective of all of this is increase understanding of the other’s point of view, not necessarily to agree with it or support it.

Credits International Listening Association (ILA) http://listen.org March -- Listening Awareness Month HighGain, Inc. (http://highgain.com) Monster (http://monster.com) OnPoint Services

Communication Resources The Core Rules of Netiquette: http://www.albion.com/netiquette/corerules.html Netiquette Rules for E-Mails, Newsgroups, Bulletin Boards and Chat: http://randomnetstuff.com/netiquette.html Netiquette for Students: http://www.bpl.org/kids/Netiquette.htm Net Manners: http://www.netmanners.com/ Electronic Mail Emoticons (Smilies) & Shorthand (Abbreviations): http://www.kassj.com/netiquette/smilies.html Newsletter Tips for Administrators: http://www.education-world.com/a_admin/columnists/pawlas/pawlas003.shtml Listening Self-Assessment: http://www.highgain.com/SELF/index.php Communication Activities: http://www.ag.ohio-state.edu/~bdg/communication.html Body Language: http://totalcommunicator.com/body_article_print.html Tomlinson, Gerald, ed. 2003. The School Administrator's Complete Letter Book with CD-ROM. 2nd ed. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.

A Few Quotes on Communication Worth Remembering: If you wouldn't write it and sign it, don't say it.  ~Earl Wilson Two monologues do not make a dialogue.  ~Jeff Daly Silence can’t be quoted. ~Unknown Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after. ~Anne Morrow Lindbergh No one would talk much in society, if he knew how often he misunderstands others. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Today, communication itself is the problem. We have become the world's first over communicated society. Each year we send more and receive less. ~Al Ries Seek first to understand, then to be understood. ~Steven Covey