College Entrance Essays Liam Hickey Writer, Career Consultant Willpower Careers

OVERVIEW  Writer’s Triangle  Author  Purpose  Audience  Essay questions and styles  Writing, editing, and rewriting

AUTHOR  Your personality  Your experiences  Your goals  Your beliefs  Your level of English

PURPOSE  Desired result  Interview or acceptance  Create anticipation and intrigue  Give a glimpse of yourself  They ask for more

AUDIENCE  Who is the audience?  Admissions assistants  Admissions officers  Faculty  If I am the audience, why am I reading? (audience purpose)  To make a decision (yes or no)

CRITIQUES OF SAMPLE ESSAYS

INFLUENTIAL ACHIEVEMENT ESSAY #2 (HARVARD) “The essay demonstrates a transformation....” “[She] would be able to contribute a fresh perspective....” “[She] would be especially adept at bringing together diverse members of the student body....”

INFLUENTIAL ACHIEVEMENT ESSAY #3 (PRINCETON) “This student took time....” “[T]he writer took you on the adventure with him, from boyhood to manhood... and what he learned from it.”

INFLUENTIAL ACHIEVEMENT ESSAY #4 (BROWN) “[This has] passion and sincerity.” “[T]he change in attitude described by the author is real.... [H]e will carry with him forever the hard-won knowledge [about] perseverance and hard work....” –“[T]he admission committee will want to feel sure that the applicants understand the need for hard work and perseverance.” “I always like hearing stories like this, of students who know what it means to struggle and finally succeed.”

IMPORTANT ISSUE ESSAY #1 (CARNEGIE-MELON) “[This has] solid arguments, clear thinking, and good structure.” –“[Thesis statements] were too broad and lofty....” “This student put time and energy into this essay.” “It is a well thought out essay with depth and focus.” “[He] would certainly make people think, both in class and in discussions outside of academics.” “The argument in the essay is logical and substantiated with solid examples.”

IMPORTANT ISSUE ESSAY #2 (HARVARD) “Personal experience is always a useful tool for introducing one's own beliefs....” “[U]nderstand the implications of the parallels you draw.” “You may be writing to someone who knows much more than you....” “Keep the topic close to your own life and write only about something you know.” “What are the weaknesses in his arguments?”

INFLUENTIAL PERSON ESSAY #1 (WELLESLEY) “[T]he writer definitely focuses on herself, which makes this essay so strong. She manages to impress the reader with her travel experience, volunteer and community experience, and commitment to learning without ever sounding boastful or full of herself. The essay is also very well organized.”

INFLUENTIAL PERSON ESSAY #3 (HARVARD) “[U]sing the introduction of the essay to paint a scene or mood can be very effective.” –“[B]egin with the most simple and striking sentence possible.” “I don't believe the ‘epiphany’ in the conclusion.... It's too easy and convenient.”

AUDIENCE ANALYSIS Q & A – In your own words... 1.What do the admissions officers and faculty want to read? 2.What type of students do they want?

WRITING AND EDITING

WRITING TECHNIQUES  Connect with your readers  Make them feel something!  People act on how you make them feel  Response

WRITING TECHNIQUES  Humor – be human  Sensory descriptions (common experiences)  Sight, sound, smell, taste, touch, emotions  “My nose was running. I couldn’t breathe.”  “I felt so scared, I just wanted to....”  “Everything seemed to slow down.”  Similes – using “like” or “as”  “It was like a weight on my chest.”  “It was like I was on center stage, in the spotlight. This was my moment.”

STORYTELLING Exercise – Complete the following: 1.I was so __________, I wanted to __________. 2.I couldn’t believe what I just __________. It was like __________. 3.I was surrounded by __________. 4.One look from him/her told me that __________.

CONTENT  Story  Strong opening  3 – 5 emotional states  Personal change = compelling  Social / political issue  Thesis  3 supporting points with examples  Conclusion(s)

CONTENT  Easy to read and understand  Natural language  Your level of English  KISS  Strengths, interests, and contributions  Length  About 5 paragraphs  Less than 7 lines per paragraph  3 – 5 sentences per paragraph  20 words or less per sentence

OPENING  Get their attention  Typical = boring = lost  Set the stage  New Delhi, 2010 – monsoon season.  It was a dark and stormy night.  Foreshadow  I understand it all now.  It was the biggest decision I’ve ever made.  Everything was perfect. Nothing could go wrong... or so I thought.

OPENING  A meaningful quote  Comment about influential person  “He was my hero.”  Cultural background  Diversity = advantage

GETTING ATTENTION Exercise – Brainstorm attention-grabbing openers

CLOSING  Conclusion / life lesson / new person  Demonstrate change in yourself  Show, don’t tell

BREVITY  Essential information  Only important parts  Does this add to or distract from my point?  Action verbs and active voice

EXAMPLE Fewer words are better Use fewer words Write concisely Be brief

EDITING AND REWRITING  Process – allow time!  Ask others to review it  Drafts and rewriting  Adding or reducing material  What material is important vs. what is not  Re-editing  Read out loud (every word!)

HANDOUTS  Richard Lanham’s Paramedic Method (handout)  Shorten sentences  Eliminate passive voice  Editing checklist  Essay critiques  Green = positive  Yellow = warning / negative

BEYOND THE WEBINAR – PRACTICING ON YOUR OWN

FROM YOUR LIFE Practice – Think of different endings 1.Think of a meaningful experience or favorite story from your life that you know VERY well. –Describe it three times, each time ending with a different lesson learned. 2.Think of a meaningful experience involving an influential person and a topic you feel strongly about. –Describe in three different contexts—life-changing experience, influential person, and important topic.

TYPICAL ESSAY QUESTIONS essays/lo_college.html Practice – Review sample questions, essays, and critiques 1.Influential person essay 2.Meaningful experience essay 3.Important issue essay 4.Future goals

NATURAL / GENUINE VOICE Practice – Tell it to a friend Select two or three possible topics and record yourself as you tell the story to a friend (or pretend a friend is listening).

REREAD From the university’s frame of mind... Have someone review it!!!!!

Always return to the Writer’s Triangle: AUTHOR PURPOSE AUDIENCE

Liam Hickey Willpower Careers and Michelle Baker Corporate Writing Pro