Empowering Teens through Communication Nellie Mok Social Worker

Knowing TEENS T E E N S Trust Expectations Empathy Needs Skills

Trust  Showing interest in the child  Commitment to quality time  Keeping confidentiality  Keeping your promise  Being an active listener

Expectations Willingness to hear what the teens has to say Willingness to hear what the teens has to say Genuinely want to say what you want to Genuinely want to say what you want to Able to accept the teens’ messages and feelings Able to accept the teens’ messages and feelings Able to appreciate that the feelings are transitory and not permanent Able to appreciate that the feelings are transitory and not permanent

Empathy A process of putting oneself into another person’s world and experiencing the feelings A process of putting oneself into another person’s world and experiencing the feelings Focus is on the teens’ feelings Focus is on the teens’ feelings

Needs  Self  Family  Friends  Schools  Community/Society

Communication Skills  What?  Why?  When?  Where?  How?

A problem is finger pointing to a skill the child needs to learn or to become better at. If we focus on the problem we have missed the point. PROBLEM TO SKILL 01 It’s more fun for children to learn skills than to try to get rid of problems

How to communicate Listening skills Reflecting skills Reflecting skills

LISTENING SKILLS Two-way communication involving our ears, heart, eyes and mouth Two-way communication involving our ears, heart, eyes and mouth

LISTENING SKILLS Guidelines for Effective Listening Listen for message content Listen for message content Listen for feelings Listen for feelings Note all cues-verbal & non-verbal Note all cues-verbal & non-verbal Respond to feelings Respond to feelings Reflect back to the teen in your own words what you have heard Reflect back to the teen in your own words what you have heard

REFLECTING SKILLS Acknowledge what you have heard and understood Acknowledge what you have heard and understood Use “I” statement & pace at the teen’s response Use “I” statement & pace at the teen’s response Ask open-ended questions to seek clarifications Ask open-ended questions to seek clarifications

BAD COMMUNICATION HABITS Fact-Finder Fact-Finder - seeking information & ignoring feelings - seeking information & ignoring feelings Fix-it Fix-it - solving the problem for another - solving the problem for another Advisor Advisor - telling another what to do - telling another what to do Judge Judge - evaluating other’s feelings - evaluating other’s feelings

BENEFITS OF EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION Frees the teens from her hostility Frees the teens from her hostility Frees the teens from the need to her behaviours Frees the teens from the need to her behaviours Frees the teens from negative energy Frees the teens from negative energy Enables the teens to be understood Enables the teens to be understood Facilitates problem solving Facilitates problem solving

Teens culture  Speak their language  Be familiar with their changing trends, customs, music, dress code etc  Some teens may not trust adults easily, so do not widen the gap  Take a learner’s position to want to understand the teens  Relationship = Quality time spent with teens

LISTEN When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving me advice… you have not done what I ask When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn’t feel that way… you are trampling on my feelings When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you must do something to solve my problems… you have failed me, strange as that may be

LISTEN Perhaps that’s why prayer works for some people Because God is silent … He doesn’t offer advice or try to fix things He just listens and trusts you to work it out for yourself So please, just listen and hear me… And if you want to talk, wait a few minutes for your turn and I promise I will listen to you!

Thank You