Foster Cline MD Bonnie Burnett Idaho School Counselor Association Oct 2, 2015

Essentials for Piloting Relationships Effective Counseling in the Digital age! Idaho 5 th for divorce Poverty 16.5%

The 3 greatest gifts we can give a child are LOVE, HOPE and HIGH EXPECATIONS

Less frustration Universal for all situations Best chance for achieving hope, joy and high achievement Lead us to have enjoyable, interesting life Goals of Counseling Staying out of battles

Rules for battle  Avoid Control battles at almost all cost  If you MUST have a battle, win it at all costs  Therefore, pick the issue carefully!

This is about a B+ job Reach your potential Capitalize on Strengths!! Things we never say to adults!

Dreams and Expectations Henry David Thoreau If one advances confidently in the direction of one's dreams, and endeavors to live the life which one has imagined, one will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. Horace (65 – 8 BC) Life is largely a matter of expectation. Sam Walton High expectations are the key to everything.

Child is allowed to be annoying Adults are put out or frustrated Child identifies with the adult Poor Self Image and antiauthoritarian Our Culture: The Child Centered Home

He tattles. Can’t teach em to sit up straight He’s a bully & won’t listen He feels so helpless He’s looking to us to come up with some answers A kid brings a “clock” to school. I really like him….. I think he is struggling Our Expectations drive our perceptions!

Contracting with Parents Some are educable, some need therapy No one cares what we think, till they think we know what they think! Would you like some thoughts/ideas NOT advice/suggestions I have found some parents receptive, and some not. How do you feel? Tell me what you have done so we know what doesn’t work. Have you tried everything that makes sense? If I have in idea that will work, how do you think it will sound? Show vs. Tell “Your mom and I have been doing some heavy thinking……”

1)Are you unhappy? 2)Are you partially responsible? 3)Do you want to change that? 4)Do you want to work hard? 5)Do you want to work hard my way? Contract for Change….. Must have a “yes” on each before moving on

Dr. Cline’s Rules for Rescue 1) It’s seldom effective to go more than half way for a problem people have caused themselves. 2) Rescue is ineffective if there is no thank you 3) In our culture, rescue (even with poor results) if life and limb are in danger

1)Every attempt to maintain mutual respect. 2)Students expected to solve their problems without making problems for others. 3)Students are expected to cope with consequences 4)Students are expected to learn from logical consequences. 5)Students are given the right of due process. 6)School problems handled by school; Criminal problems by law enforcement. Love and Logic Core Discipline