7 th Grade Parent Orientation August 18, 2010

Understanding the Developmental Stage of Adolescence The teenage years can be a roller-coaster ride for both parents and teens. All pre-adolescents experience changes to one degree or another. Their bodies and hormones are changing Intellectual development is not complete Here are a few things to expect and some ideas on how to continue to love and support this new person in your household.

The primary developmental task of a teenager is to separate from parents and achieve independence Personal power vs. Parental control To avoid battles - allow safe choices

Teens may be irritable and moody due to the changes internally and the increased stresses in their lives Remember, feelings are not right or wrong Parent calmness counters teen emotionality Don’t let your teen’s moods rule your moods

Young adolescents are not forgetful on purpose Their minds are preoccupied with issues Encourage them to keep their agenda updated, and help them keep their room clean by working with them Avoid nagging – but expect to help! Impose a scheduled time for certain tasks, including homework Homework time ends with packing the backpack and planning for the next day

Teens entering middle school feel extremely self-conscious They are anxious They do not want to be different They are “dying of embarrassment” on a regular basis! Focus on their strengths Empathize

Peer relationships will become the center of your teen’s life Needing to belong is a priority Being seen in the company of your parents is not cool Your child needs to be with peers, but only in a supervised environment Teens are often impulsive and subject to “group think” Role-play possible situations with your teen, and talk about choices and ways to get out of potentially dangerous situations

The Art of Parenting Positively In an effort to foster a strong self-image, many parents devote themselves to protecting their children from any situation or experience which may be difficult, upsetting or stressful. However, over- protection may actually handicap your child’s confidence. Overcoming obstacles gives children confidence and a sense of their own abilities.

Become a helpful consultant, not a micromanager! One way to achieve this is learning to be an active listener Validate their reality and separateness as a person Clarify and restate, reflect feelings, summarize

Help your child make positive choices! Discipline does not mean punishment. It means to teach responsibility Set clear rules, make them realistic and specific Have as few rules as possible Consequences must also be clear and not overly harsh Consequences are not always needed. It may be more effective to remind a child of the rule and have a conversation to clarify and re-teach

Things to consider before choosing a discipline strategy for a given incident Why is my child acting like this? (Is he stressed, tired, angry?) Are there people present who will observe what I do? (Will it be humiliating for my child?) What is my relationship with my child at the present? (How can I do this with love and firmness?) What is the child’s side of the issue? Have you given him a chance to explain (if appropriate?)

Discipline Techniques that are not advised Physical abuse, yelling, demanding immediate compliance, nagging, lecturing, shaming and belittling, setting traps, imposing guilt Also avoid lecturing, judging, ordering and rescuing Teenagers are very sensitive to fairness. If you allow yourself to lose control and behave badly, you will lose your child’s respect.

We are here to help! Please refer to the Counseling section of the CVMS website for more articles and information. Feel free to call us if you need to vent or want a bit of help! Toni Zurcher A-H x3009 Lisa Curry I-Mf x3006 Karen Infantino Mg-Z x3007

Here are some excellent parenting books: Kelly, Kate The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Parenting a Teenager Bender, Paula How to Keep Your Teenager from Driving You Crazy Bradley, Michael Yes, Your Teen is Crazy! American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry Your Adolescent