INTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS Objective Effectiveness Relationship Effectiveness Self Respect Effectiveness The Child, Adolescent & Family Recovery Center 1

When to use interpersonal effectiveness skills The Child, Adolescent & Family Recovery Center 2  Balancing Priorities and Demands  Ask others for help  Say “No” to unwanted requests  If lacking structure, try to create structure and responsibilities  Offer to do things  If overwhelmed reduce low priority demands

When to use interpersonal effectiveness skills The Child, Adolescent & Family Recovery Center 3  Balancing Wants-to-Shoulds Look at the balance between how much you do because you enjoy it “want to” and “have to” –try to find a balance, even when you need to….  Say NO to unwanted requests  Get your opinions taken seriously  Ask for what you want/need in an appropriate way

When to use interpersonal effectiveness skills The Child, Adolescent & Family Recovery Center 4  Attending to Relationships  Don’t let problems build up  Use skills to head off problems  End hopeless relationships  Resolve conflicts before they get overwhelming

When to use interpersonal effectiveness skills The Child, Adolescent & Family Recovery Center 5  Building Mastery and Self Respect  Interact with others and yourself in a way that makes you feel competent and effective, not helpless or overly dependent  Stand up for yourself, your beliefs and opinions, follow your own wise mind

Objective effectiveness  Ask for what you want  Say No to unwanted or unreasonable requests  Negotiate Conflict without damaging the relationship  Describe  Express  Assert  Reinforce  Mindfully  Appear Confident  Negotiate 6 The Child, Adolescent & Family Recovery Center Assertiveness-Getting your objectives or goals met in a situation, effectively Assertive: Self- confident Self- assured Firm Powerful Forceful Persuasive influential

Modulating intensity The Child, Adolescent & Family Recovery Center 7  How you ask for something or say no to an unwanted request depends on the situation Level of intensity you need to use Level of insistence you need to use  Factors to consider when deciding how or at what level to respond

Modulating Intensity (Continued) HIGH INTENSITY: TRY AND CHANGE THE SITUATION LOW INTENSITY: ACCEPT THE SITUATION AS IT IS Ask firmly, insist6Refuse Firmly, don’t give in. Ask firmly, resist no5Refuse firmly, resist giving in. Ask firmly, take no4Refuse firmly, and reconsider Ask tentatively, take no3Express unwillingness. Hint openly, take no2Express unwillingness, but say yes Hint indirectly, take no1Express hesitancy, say yes Don’t ask, don’t hint0Do what other wants without being asked

Factors to Consider when using I.O.E.

Relationship effectiveness  Acting in a way that the other person keeps respecting you  Balancing immediate goals with the good of the long term relationship  (be) Gentle  (act) Interested  Validate  (use an) Easy Manner 10 The Child, Adolescent & Family Recovery Center Obtaining and maintaining a good relationship

Repairs “This skill is about having HEALTHY relationships that LAST!”  Effectively making and accepting apologies (shows compassion and respect).  Letting Go! (This can enhance relationships by leaving your past in the past).  Admitting when you are wrong or have made mistakes.

4 Horseman of the Apocalypse Common YOUTH “Horsemen”  Not Communicating  Withdrawal  Dishonestly  Not going to school  Playing video games  Bullying  Violence  Drugs and Alcohol  Unhealthy eating habits  Delinquency This skill involves identifying the primary destructive forces that each person brings into a relationship that ultimately can cause stress and damage to relationships.

Examples of common ADULT Horsemen…  Dishonesty  Not taking mental health meds  Out-of-control spending  Credit card debt  Workaholism  Drugs and Alcohol  Unhealthy eating habits  Compulsive and addictive behaviors  Violence  Infidelity 4 Horseman of the Apocalypse

Self Respect Effectiveness  Respecting your own values and beliefs  Acting in a way that makes you feel moral  Acting in a way that makes you feel capable and effective  Taps into PLEASE MASTER  (be) Fair  (no) Apologies  Stick to values  (be) Truthful 14 The Child, Adolescent & Family Recovery Center Keeping or Improving Self Respect and liking for yourself

Factors that Reduce Interpersonal Effectiveness and Dealing with Difficult People The Child, Adolescent & Family Recovery Center 15  Lack of Skill  Worry Thoughts  Emotions  Indecision  Environment Everyone has to deal with difficult people from time to time; remarkably unpleasant, cranky, argumentative or down-right snotty individuals. Utilizing the concepts of Mindfulness and Interpersonal Effectiveness skills are used in these situations in order to maximize our effectiveness.

Overview of Interpersonal Effectiveness The Child, Adolescent & Family Recovery Center 16  DEAR MAN - Asking for what you want/Saying No  GIVE - Keeping/Maintaining healthy relationships  FAST - Self Respect