 Basic guidelines in limit setting o “Limits provide structure for the development of the therapeutic relationship and help to make the experience a real-life relationship. Without limits a relationship would have little value” (p. 257). o “Therapy cannot occur without limits” (p. 257). o What do limits provide children? Opportunity to learn self-control Fact that they have choices Experience of what making choices feels like How responsibility feels o Therapist should believe that the child will choose positive cooperative behavior o Limits should be minimal and enforceable

 The establishment of total limits rather than conditional limits is more effective  Focus and emphasis are always on the child to convey where responsibility lies  Children should be allowed to be separate (no plural pronouns)

 When to present limits o Present a limit only when it is needed o Self-control is learned only when the opportunity occurs  Rationale for therapeutic limits o Limits facilitate the attainment of accepted psychological principles of growth o The child’s desire to break the limit has greater therapeutic significance than the exhibited behavior o All feelings, desires, and wishes are accepted, but not all behaviors are accepted

 Seven principles of limit setting o Limits provide physical and emotional security and safety for children o Limits protect the physical well-being of the therapist and facilitate acceptance of the child o Limits facilitate the development of decision-making, self-control, and self-responsibility of children o Limits anchor the session to reality and emphasize the here and now o Limits promote consistency in the playroom environment, which in turn promotes Predictability Security o Limits preserve the professional, ethical, and socially acceptable relationship o Limits protect the play therapy materials and room

 Procedures in the therapeutic setting o Objective – to facilitate the expression of the motivating feeling, want, or need in a more acceptable manner, not to stop the behavior o Steps in the therapeutic limit-setting process Acknowledge the child’s feelings, wishes, and wants (A) Communicate the limit (C) Target acceptable alternatives (T) o Example: A: “I know you want to paint on the wall, but” C: “The wall is not for painting on.” T: “The easel paper or the block of wood is for painting on.”

 When limits are broken o The child needs understanding and acceptance o Repeat ACT at least three times – patience, calmness, and firmness o State the final choice – last resort “If you choose to do X, you choose not to play with X for the rest of our time in the playroom today.” “If you choose to do X, you choose to leave the playroom for the rest of our time together.”

 Situational limits o Taking toys or materials from the playroom – not allowed Emphasis is on emotional sharing, not material sharing Budgetary limits Taking other children’s words and depriving them of freedom of expression Retrieval of borrowed toy o Leaving the playroom Children need to learn not to run away from responsibility Limit trips outside playroom o Time limits 5 minutes, then 1 minute Stand up to give visual cue Gradually step toward door

 Limiting noise – necessary in clinics and schools  Personal items are not for playing  Limiting water in the sandbox o Takes a lot of time to drain o Ruins experience for subsequent children  Urinating in the playroom

 The child is silent o Respond verbally to what the child is doing in the moment o Therapist needs to feel comfortable with the child’s silence o Don’t comment on every little thing  The child wants to bring toys or food into the playroom o Child’s desire to take a special toy to the playroom should be recognized and accepted unless Electronic toys Favorite books o Snacks should be prohibited because of the distraction

 The child is overly dependent o Return responsibility to the child o Facilitate self-reliance  The child persists in seeking praise o Harmful consequences of praise Directs behavior Restricts freedom Creates dependency Fosters external motivation o “What is important is what you think about your picture.” o “You worked hard on that.” o “It can be whatever you want it to be.”

 The child says, “You talk weird” o Parroting can be irritating o Goal is to convey understanding, not simply reporting o “I sound different than other people to you.” o “You don’t like the way I talk.”  The child wants the therapist to play a guessing game o Child can guess for therapist o “You have something in mind.” o “You can tell me.”  The child asks for expressions of affection o Children develop strong emotional bonds with therapists o “You are special to me, and this is a special time together.”

 The child wants to hug or sit in the therapist’s lap o Has this child been sexually abused? o Has this child been taught to connect liking with seductive behavior? o Is this child merely expressing an unconscious desire to re- experience being a baby? o Is the child simply being spontaneous or free?  The child tries to steal a toy o Be straightforward, understanding, and firm o Follow ACT

 The child refuses to leave the playroom o Therapist must manage a process that allows the child to take themselves out of the playroom o Through this process, the child is developing enough self-control to stop, to say no to desires  The therapist unexpectedly cannot keep an appointment o Tell child at beginning and end of session o Child will be able to return in two weeks o Reason can also be given to prevent child from thinking he or she has pushed you away