RULES & EXPECTATIONS FOR CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS

THE NATURE OF RELATIONSHIP RULES/EXPECTATIONS l CULTURAL AND PERSONAL EXPECTATIONS –Assist With Predictability –Set Standards To Be Negotiated l COME FROM MEDIA, FAMILY, FRIENDS, PARTNER, GROUP MEMBERSHIP STANDARDS, ETC.

GUESS THE % l USE: 32%; 30%; 26%; 12% l IN 1998, AMERICAN HOUSEHOLDS CONSISTED OF: –Not Married With Children _________ % –Not Married Without Children _______% –Married With Children _____________% –Married Without Children __________ %

COMMON MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT COMMUNICATION IN CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS l WE WILL COMMUNICATE CONSISTENTLY l RELATIONSHIPS TAKE LESS EFFORT ONCE CLOSENESS IS ESTABLISHED l PROBLEMS WILL ARISE, BUT WE WILL SOLVE THEM AND MOVE ON l COMMUNICATION PROBLEMS CAN BE TRACED TO ONE PARTNER OR THE OTHER

“UNIVERSAL” RELATIONSHIP RULES l RESPECT THE OTHER’S PRIVACY l LOOK THE OTHER PERSON IN THE EYE DURING CONVERSATION l DON’T DISCUSS THAT WHICH IS SAID IN CONFIDENCE WITH ANOTHER PERSON

RULES/EXPECTATIONS FOR ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS l SHORT TERM –APPEARANCE –SOCIAL INTEGRATION –FREEDOM l LONG TERM –RELAXATION –EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT –AFFECTION DEMONSTRATION –RELIABILITY –PHYSICAL INTIMACY

RULES/EXPECTATIONS MOST COMMONLY VIOLATED IN ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS l RESPECT l ENJOYMENT l TWOSOME l OTHER DIRECTED l PRESENCE

RULES/EXPECTATIONS FOR FRIENDSHIPS l GIVE EMOTIONAL SUPPORT l OFFER HELP WHEN NEEDED l REPAY DEBTS AND FAVORS l ESTABLISH RULES ABOUT 3rd PARTY POTENTIAL PROBLEMS l ESTABLISH RULES ABOUT PREVENTING CONFLICT

MOST PROBLEMATIC VIOLATIONS IN FRIENDSHIPS l BEING JEALOUS/CRITICAL OF YOUR OTHER RELATIONSHIPS l NOT KEEPING CONFIDENCES l CRITICIZING YOU IN PUBLIC l NOT VOLUNTEERING HELP IN TIME OF NEED

l NOT SHOWING POSITIVE REGARD FOR YOU l NOT STANDING UP FOR YOU IN YOUR ABSENCE l NOT GIVING EMOTIONAL SUPPORT