Interpersonal communications Unit 9 Seminar CM206 Interpersonal communications Unit 9 Seminar August 3rd term, 2011

What’s your most used website? Opening Poll What’s your most used website? Google Facebook YouTube Yahoo Wikipedia Twitter Kaplan Other

UNIT 8 Review: Communication Climate Overview Seminar Discussion Journal: Describe how you can incorporate: the elements of satisfying relationships the guidelines for healthy climates into personal and professional settings. Lessons There are no Lessons in this unit

UNIT 9: Managing Conflict in Relationships Overview Seminar Discussion What are the most important ethical issues in interpersonal communication? Why do you believe these are important? What moral principles should guide our choices? Lesson 1 Identify constructive and unproductive communication behaviors during conflict in personal and professional situations 1-2 hrs. Lesson 2 Explain instances of effective and ineffective communication in terms of conflict management skills 3-4.5 hrs.

UNIT 9: Lesson 1 Prepare 1. Identify constructive and unproductive communication behaviors during conflict Wood describes communication behaviors that foster or impede effective conflict CONSTRUCTIVE UNPRODUCTIVE page 236 Validation of each other Disconfirmation of each other Sensitive listening Poor listening Dual perspective Preoccupation with self Expressed support of each other Not supporting, or undercutting, each other Recognition of other’s concerns Cross-complaining Asking for clarification Hostile mind reading Infrequent interruptions Frequent interruptions Focus on specific issues Kitchen-sinking Compromises and contracts Counterproposals Useful metacommunication Excessive metacommunication Summarizing the concerns Self-summarizing by both partners Positive affect Negative affect (p. 236)

UNIT 9: Lesson 1 Practice ITEM 4: 1. Identify constructive and unproductive communication behaviors during conflict Pietro: Sybil. What would it take for you to stop smoking? Sybil: You think I’m weak because I can’t quit. Well, I’d like to see you stop drinking. Pietro: I just want to be able to breathe around you without fear of getting cancer. Sybil: And I don’t want to die in a car accident because you’re DUI. Pietro: So now we’re going to argue about the fact that I have a drink after a hard day at work? Sybil: Of course, you bring up how hard you work. You always use that to make me feel insignificant. Well, I work hard too. Picking up your socks, doing the laundry, scrubbing toilets, cooking meals, shopping for groceries. Pietro: I ask a simple question and as usual you escalate it into World War III. ITEM 4: Which of the following unproductive communication behaviors best describe Sybil’s contributions to this conversation? Select three. Kitchen-sinking Frequent interruptions Hostile mind reading Cross-complaining Poor listening Excessive metacommunication

UNIT 9: Lesson 2 Prepare 2. Explain effective & ineffective communication in terms of conflict management skills Wood presents five Guidelines for Effective Communication during Conflict: Focus on the overall communication system: Conflict occurs in a larger context that affects how conflict management skills are interpreted and how successful they are. Interpersonal climate must be addressed if good conflict techniques are to be effective in maintaining healthy relationships. Time conflict purposely: Engage when both parties are able to be fully present psychologically. Wait until any initial anger has had time to subside. Aim for win-win conflict: Identify feelings, needs, and desires and communicate them using “I” language. Listen mindfully to learn what others feel and want. Use language that promotes cooperation and mutual respect. Strive for a balanced solution that takes each person’s needs into consideration. Honor yourself, your partner, and the relationship: All three must be balanced to engage in constructive conflict communication. Show grace when appropriate: Grace involves letting go of anger, blame, and judgments about others and what they may have done. Grace is forgiving or putting aside our own needs without conditions or expectations of return. (p.244-247)

UNIT 9: Lesson 2 Practice 2. Explain effective & ineffective communication in terms of conflict management skills Read the Practice scenario and answer the six questions. 1. Using the chapters on language and emotions to help frame your answer, suggest two ways that Jacob could open this conversation more productively, beyond clearly expressing his emotions and using “I” language. After answering a question, study the “Compare with Expert” response.

UNIT 9: Lesson 2 Perform 2. Explain effective & ineffective communication in terms of conflict management skills For the Lesson 2 Perform Activity, answer these 6 questions: Using the chapters on language and emotions to help frame your answer, suggest two ways that Ken could open this conversation more productively, beyond clearly expressing his emotions and using “I” language. How do you perceive Jan’s effort to convince Ken to forgive her? Based on what you have learned in this chapter, suggest two ways she might more effectively seek Ken’s forgiveness. The conversation so far seems to be framed in a win-lose orientation to conflict. Each person wants to be right, to win at the expense of the other. How can Jan and Ken move their conflict discussion into a win-win orientation? Review the eight conflict-management skills discussed in the text. Identify three examples of these skills in the dialogue between Jan and Ken. Identify three places in the dialogue where Jan and Ken missed opportunities to manage conflict successfully. What did you learn from this project?

UNIT 9: Tips for Success The Practice and Perform activities are open book and untimed. So, consult the textbook and online information in a separate browser window or tab as you do them. For Lesson 1 items, read the question carefully. Try to rule out options by determining that there is no evidence for them in the targeted person’s spoken lines. If you don’t understand the feedback in a Practice item, ask me about it and I will try to explain it. For the Lesson 2 Perform, study the expert answers in the Practice items and use them as guides for your Perform answers. Use the transcript of the “Jan and Ken” video scenario on page 248 to help answer the Lesson 2 Perform questions.