Relationships uDefinition of biblical love: “A commitment to give of myself in every area for the good of another”

Relationships uA biblical relationship model: 1. Qualities of biblical love 2. Areas of investment 3. Levels of relationship

1. Qualities of biblical love u4 essential dimensions

1. Qualities of biblical love u4 essential dimensions Sacrificial Jn. 15:13

1. Qualities of biblical love u4 essential dimensions Sacrificial Jn. 15:13 Righteous (Disciplining) Mat. 18:15ff

1. Qualities of biblical love u4 essential dimensions Sacrificial Jn. 15:13 Righteous (Disciplining) Mat. 18:15ff Forgiving I Cor. 13:5

1. Qualities of biblical love u4 essential dimensions Sacrificial Jn. 15:13 Righteous (Disciplining) Mat. 18:15ff Forgiving I Cor. 13:5 Emotional I Cor. 13:4

2. Areas of Investment

Common Experience

2. Areas of Investment Common Experience Personal Inner Working

2. Areas of Investment Common Experience Personal Inner Working Emotional Sharing

The Casual Relationship CommonExperience Inner Working Emotional Sharing

The Casual Relationship Sporadic contact. Tends to be short- term and somewhat superficial CommonExperience Inner Working Emotional Sharing

The Casual Relationship Sporadic contact. Tends to be short- term and somewhat superficial Come out of your comfort zone CommonExperience Inner Working Emotional Sharing

The Casual Relationship Sporadic contact. Tends to be short- term and somewhat superficial General searching into the other's interests, goals, likes, dislikes, problems, background, spiritual experiences, priorities, etc. CommonExperience Inner Working Emotional Sharing

The Casual Relationship Sporadic contact. Tends to be short- term and somewhat superficial General searching into the other's interests, goals, likes, dislikes, problems, background, spiritual experiences, priorities, etc. Get outside yourself & explore another CommonExperience Inner Working Emotional Sharing

The Casual Relationship Sporadic contact. Tends to be short- term and somewhat superficial General searching into the other's interests, goals, likes, dislikes, problems, background, spiritual experiences, priorities, etc. Interest, warmth, enthusiasm "Politeness" means negatives are shared carefully and only if necessary CommonExperience Inner Working Emotional Sharing

The Casual Relationship Sporadic contact. Tends to be short- term and somewhat superficial General searching into the other's interests, goals, likes, dislikes, problems, background, spiritual experiences, priorities, etc. CommonExperience Inner Working Emotional Sharing Interest, warmth, enthusiasm "Politeness" means negatives are shared carefully and only if necessary Learn to be more expressive and vulnerable

The Close Relationship CommonExperience Inner Working Emotional Sharing

The Close Relationship Regular time spent Quality time included. Shared goals and interests CommonExperience Inner Working Emotional Sharing

The Close Relationship Regular time spent Quality time included. Shared goals and interests No short-cut to intimacy! CommonExperience Inner Working Emotional Sharing

Regular time spent Quality time included. Shared goals and interests Freedom to ask pointed, personal questions: other relationships, feelings, etc. The Close Relationship CommonExperience Inner Working Emotional Sharing

Regular time spent Quality time included. Shared goals and interests Beginning to understand each other's problems and potentials. Able to promote potential and help with problems The Close Relationship CommonExperience Inner Working Emotional Sharing

Regular time spent Quality time included. Shared goals and interests Beginning to understand each other's problems and potentials. Able to promote potential and help with problems The Close Relationship Thinking about the other while not together CommonExperience Inner Working Emotional Sharing

Regular time spent Quality time included. Shared goals and interests Beginning to understand each other's problems and potentials. Able to promote potential and help with problems Loyalty, affection and gratitude. More honest about disappoint- ments, but also careful to encourage The Close Relationship CommonExperience Inner Working Emotional Sharing

Regular time spent Quality time included. Shared goals and interests Beginning to understand each other's problems and potentials. Able to promote potential and help with problems Loyalty, affection and gratitude. More honest about disappoint- ments, but also careful to encourage The Close Relationship Most of us are too negative- we have not discovered this power CommonExperience Inner Working Emotional Sharing

CommonExperience Inner Working Emotional Sharing The Intimate Relationship

Extensive time commit- ment. Availability has few limits. CommonExperience Inner Working Emotional Sharing The Intimate Relationship

Shared worlds: goals, activities, and other people. Backlog of common experience CommonExperience Inner Working Emotional Sharing The Intimate Relationship

Shared worlds: goals, activities, and other people. Backlog of common experience Prolonged investment overcomes other deficiencies CommonExperience Inner Working Emotional Sharing The Intimate Relationship

Shared worlds: goals, activities, and other people. Backlog of common experience Complete open communi- cation. Common commitment to develop each other's character CommonExperience Inner Working Emotional Sharing The Intimate Relationship

Shared worlds: goals, activities, and other people. Backlog of common experience Complete open communi- cation. Common commitment to develop each other's character CommonExperience Inner Working Emotional Sharing The Intimate Relationship Confronta- tion and affirmation go both ways

Shared worlds: goals, activities, and other people. Backlog of common experience Complete open communi- cation. Common commitment to develop each other's character Same as "close," but even more freedom to share openly. Emotional giving is constructive & controlled CommonExperience Inner Working Emotional Sharing The Intimate Relationship

Shared worlds: goals, activities, and other people. Backlog of common experience Complete open communi- cation. Common commitment to develop each other's character Commitment to share nurturing feelings for the sake of the other even when not spontaneous CommonExperience Inner Working Emotional Sharing The Intimate Relationship

Shared worlds: goals, activities, and other people. Backlog of common experience Complete open communi- cation. Common commitment to develop each other's character Commitment to share nurturing feelings for the sake of the other even when not spontaneous The Intimate Relationship CommonExperience Inner Working Emotional Sharing Some expressions will never be spontaneous

Using the Model uFor each point of tension: -the key is to appropriate the power of God for change -the key is to appropriate the power of God for change -persistent prayer and availability -persistent prayer and availability -don’t be confined to working on only one level -don’t be confined to working on only one level -get help from others -get help from others

Next Week uManaging inter-personal conflict

Relationships Week 3 uComments? uQuestions?