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Chapter 11 Interpersonal Attractions of Friendship and Love

Feelings of attraction can lead to liking and perhaps to love and more lasting relationships. What factors contribute to attraction in our culture?

We often say that the way a person looks is not what we’re mostly attracted to, but…….. Physical appearance has been found to be the key factor in attraction and consideration of partners for dates and marriage So…..what determines physical attractiveness? Cross-Culturally : large eyes, high cheekbones, and narrow jaws.

Attractiveness in OUR culture Height - Associated with social dominance - Tallness is an asset for men - Tall women are viewed less positively - Many males don’t like looking up to women. -Shortness is perceived as a liability for both males and females

“Bigger is better” for both men and women. Men prefer larger breasts but not as large as women think Large breasted women encounter negative stereotyping less intelligent less competent less moral less modest

Weight -Plumpness is valued in many cultures -In Western culture: slender is attractive obese people are considered unattractive -Men actually prefer women to be heavier than women expect

Behaviors Both Men and Women are perceived as more attractive when they’re smiling College men who show dominance were rated as more attractive by women Women are expected to be demure

Stereotypes Attractive children and adults are judged and treated more positively than their unattractive peers Attractiveness – positively correlated with popularity, social skills, and sexual experiences Unattractive individuals – more likely rated as outside mainstream – political, radical, maladjusted Attractive people more likely to be found innocent of burglary, or if found guilty – get a lighter sentence Interpretations of data: Biological Psychological

Matching Hypothesis We’re most likely to ask out people who are similar to ourselves in physical attractiveness Explanation of Mismatching Partners tend to be similar in race, age, level of edu., and religion

Similarities Similarity in attitudes and tastes is a key contributor to initial attraction, friendship, and love relationships. Women tend to place more/greater emphasis than men do on attitude similarity as a attraction. Attitudes toward religion and children are generally MORE important in mate selection than such things as kindness or professional status. Coping with differences.

Sexual Orientation Organization or direction of one’s erotic interests Sexual activity with members of same gender does not define sexual orientation Culture Curiosity Research suggest gay individuals do not “choose” their orientation Many gay individuals identify with their own gender Origin of sexual orientation Psychological Theory Biological Theory

Friendship “ One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives.”- Euripides Different friendship relationships throughout life. Early Childhood Middle School High School Cliques Crows Later Adulthood Keeping Confidence and loyalty are the biggest qualities we seek in a friend

Love The most valued and deeply stirring emotions A complex concept involving: Emotional Cognitive Motivational Clyde & Susan Hendrix’s 6 Styles of Love -Eros (romantic) -Pragma(logic) -Ludus (game)-Mania(possessive) -Storge(friendship)-Agape(selfless)

Sternberg Suggested that love consists of three components Intimate: emotional component Passion: motivational component Commitment: Cognitive Component Different combinations equal different kinds of love

INTIMACY INTIMACY ALONE--> LIKING /\ / \ COMPANIONATE LOVE / \ ROMANTIC / \ INTIMACY + COMMITMENT LOVE / \ / \ INTIMACY + PASSION / INTIMACY + \ / PASSION + \ / COMMITMENT = \ / CONSUMATE \ / LOVE \ / \ PASSION ALONE--> INFATUATION COMMITMENT ALONE--> EMPTY LOVE /_________________________\ PASSION FATUOUS LOVE COMMITMENT PASSION + COMMITTMENT =================================================================

Quick Assignment What is your opinion of: -cohabitation -divorce