Marriage Prep: Choosing a Partner 1. Discuss evaluation activities and topics of discussion that are important when selecting a mate.

Partner Selection Theories Cookie Selection: Volunteer –Questions: Why did you choose that cookie? Theory of Propinquity: We marry people we know. If you only know people at work, church or college, that’ll be who you marry.

Partner Selection Theories Choose a cookie: Volunteer –Question: Why did you choose that cookie? Exchange Theory: When you evaluate what is available and then barter and see what you can find or get. –Example of a trade: A guy with lots of money but is not very handsome may be able to exchange that for a girl who is beautiful.

Partner Selection Theories Choose a cookie: Volunteer –Question: Why did you choose that cookie? Complimentary Needs Theory: You find someone who compliments your needs. –Example: Life of the party with someone who enjoys being part of the group.

Partner Selection Theories Choose a cookie: Volunteer –Question: Why did you choose that cookie? Time and Place Theory (Happy Collision): TIME: As we travel through life, we meet lots of people, but we won’t marry until the time is right. –U.S.: 24.5 for males, 22.5 for females –Utah: 22 for males, 20 for females

Partner Selection Theories Time and Place Continued: PLACE: Who is available in the are where you are at the time. You will marry someone within the same geographical area as where you live.

Partner Selection Theories Choose a cookie: Volunteer –Question: Why did you choose that cookie? Filter Theory: When we put on a pair of glasses with a special lens that filters out specifics of what we’re looking for. –Example: height, hair color, religion, etc. –Famous line: “There’s NOBODY decent around here.”

Partner Selection Theories Filter Theory Continued: Three types of filters: –Biological Filter –Social Filter –Psychological Filter

Partner Selection Theories Biological Filter: Most of you filter out the same sex people as you. –May also eliminate according to age. (Greatest threat is marrying too young!) –May also choose to filter out those whose physical features are different than yours.

Partner Selection Theories Social Filter: Major determinant in partner selection. Most people marry within their own class or income level. If lines are crossed, the male is usually the one to marry down. –Race is the least likely line to be crossed –Religion is another important factor –Education and intelligence are also important. (Most men marry down or to an equal level of intelligence and education.)

Partner Selection Theories Psychological Filter: Deals with the compatibility of the conscious and unconscious needs of the couple. –People often marry a person similar to the opposite sex parent. Song lyrics: –When I was a boy My mother often said to me, Get married boy, and see, How happy you will be. I have looked all over, But no girlie can I find, Who seems to be just like The little girl I have in mind. I will have to look around Until the right one I have found.... I want a girl just like the girl That married dear old dad! She was a pearl and the only girl That daddy ever had.

Partner Selection Theories Psychological Filters Continued: Things to consider: –Amount of personal needs –Type of love language –Seriousness or lightness of personality –Role compatibility –Interests and hobbies –Achievement orientation –Picky, meticulous, detailed, personality type

Partner Selection Theories Partner Selection Test: When going through the dating process, ask yourself these 3 questions: –Does this person make you a better person? –Would you rather be with this person than with anyone else in the world? –Could you spend the rest of your life with him/her?