Ways to improve clarity The best writing conveys the most information with the fewest words Make NOUNS and VERBS do the most of the work of the sentence Use action verbs whenever possible Place adjectives and descriptive phrases as close to what they describe as possible Combine related ideas to show a logical relationship

Ways to improve clarity Avoid “squishy” words like somewhat, kind of, seems, a lot, good, bad, Avoid coordinating conjunctions (And, But, So, Or) at the beginnings of sentences Never use “Etc.” Get rid of phony intensifiers (very, much, many) Exclamation points are pointless

Subjects and Verbs Should Do the Work Make NOUNS the things that do the work in a sentence. Avoid making verbs into nouns Ex: “Once upon a time, a walk through the woods by Little Red Riding Hood to Grandma’s happened, when the wolf jumped out from behind a tree and frightened her.” See how the underlined subject of the sentence (“a walk”) is not really a person but what the person did. Making a verb “to walk” into a noun or the subject of a sentence is called a “nominalization.” These are very bad 

Revised Sentence “Once upon a time, Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods to Grandma’s house when the wolf jumped out from behind a tree and frightened her.” The underlined subject (Little Red Riding Hood) is now a person capable of doing action (walking)

Unclear Sentence The teachers’ argument that the stability of the school environment was a consequence of security cameras was based on the belief that security of the students was necessary to foster a positive learning environment Where are the subjects and verbs?

Unclear Sentence The teachers’ argument that the stability of the school environment was a consequence of security cameras was based on the belief that security of the students was necessary to foster a positive learning environment

One possible revision The teachers argued that the stability of the school was a consequence of security cameras and created a positive learning environment.

Look at your own writing… 1.Underline the first 7-8 words in a sentence (ignore short introductory phrases like, “Meanwhile” or “As a result” or “In addition to”) 2.Look at the first 7-8 words and see if… – The sentences are lacking a strong subject to do the action – The sentences take more than 6-7 words to actually get to a verb – The verbs represent actions that are less specific than the words around them

Look at your own writing… If you have any of the problems listed before, then you need to… 1.Replace nominalizations with clear subjects 2.Reduce the number of words before you get to the first verb of a sentence 3.Find verbs that convey “action” rather than “being”

Recognizing Passive Voice

Why was the road crossed by the chicken?

The fish was caught by the seagull.

The metropolis has been scorched by the dragon’s fiery breath

When her house was invaded, Penelope had to think of ways to delay her remarriage.

form of “to be” + past participle = passive voice

Why was the road crossed by the chicken? Why did the chicken cross the road?

The fish was caught by the seagull. The seagull caught the fish.

The metropolis has been scorched by the dragon’s fiery breath The dragon scorched the metropolis with its fiery breath.

When her house was invaded, Penelope had to think of ways to delay her remarriage. After suitors invaded Penelope’s house, she had to think of ways to delay her marriage.

To repeat, the key to identifying the passive voice is to look for both a form of “to be” and a past participle, which usually, but not always, ends in “-ed.”