What is Choice Theory & How it Compares to External Control by Tawni Deike

Introduction to Choice Theory Introduced by William Glasser, 1965 Introduced by William Glasser, 1965 All about relations & happiness. All about relations & happiness. Intended for use by counselors, managers, administrators, & teachers to help people self- evaluate Intended for use by counselors, managers, administrators, & teachers to help people self- evaluate Their environment Their environment The quality of their relationships The quality of their relationships The quality of the work in their life The quality of the work in their life

Making Choices Ability to make a choice is a freedom, a personal freedom Ability to make a choice is a freedom, a personal freedom With choice comes responsibility and accountability for those choices we choose to make. With choice comes responsibility and accountability for those choices we choose to make.

10 Axioms/Truths of Choice Theory The only person whose behavior we can control is our own. The only person whose behavior we can control is our own. All we can give another person is information. All we can give another person is information. All long-lasting psychological problems are relationship problems. All long-lasting psychological problems are relationship problems. The problem relationship is always part of our present life. The problem relationship is always part of our present life. What happened in the past has everything to do with what we are today, but we can only satisfy our basic needs right now and plan to continue satisfying them in the future. What happened in the past has everything to do with what we are today, but we can only satisfy our basic needs right now and plan to continue satisfying them in the future. We can only satisfy our needs by satisfying the pictures in our Quality World. We can only satisfy our needs by satisfying the pictures in our Quality World. All we do is behave. All we do is behave. All behavior is Total Behavior and is made up of four components: acting, thinking, feeling and physiology. All behavior is Total Behavior and is made up of four components: acting, thinking, feeling and physiology. All Total Behavior is chosen, but we only have direct control over the acting and thinking components. We can only control our feeling and physiology indirectly through how we choose to act and think. All Total Behavior is chosen, but we only have direct control over the acting and thinking components. We can only control our feeling and physiology indirectly through how we choose to act and think. All Total Behavior is designated by verbs and named by the part that is the most recognizable. All Total Behavior is designated by verbs and named by the part that is the most recognizable.

Choice theory states that: all we do is behave, all we do is behave, that almost all behavior is chosen, and that almost all behavior is chosen, and that we are driven by our genes to satisfy five basic needs: survival, love and belonging, power, freedom and fun. that we are driven by our genes to satisfy five basic needs: survival, love and belonging, power, freedom and fun.

Total Behavior: How do you drive your behavioral car?

The Five Basic Needs: Survival Survival Power Power Freedom Freedom Love & Belonging Love & Belonging Fun Fun

Survival Needs Comfort Comfort Food Food Warmth Warmth Security Security Safety Safety

Power in the school environment. 95% of all student discipline problems are a result of a lack of power resulting from someone not listening to them. 95% of all student discipline problems are a result of a lack of power resulting from someone not listening to them. To feel power, students need To feel power, students need to believe that someone they respect will listen to them. to believe that someone they respect will listen to them. to have someone to listen and accept the validity of their statement or concern. to have someone to listen and accept the validity of their statement or concern. an adult who states that their idea may be worth implementing. an adult who states that their idea may be worth implementing.

Freedom to express… Ideas Ideas Choices Choices Creativity Creativity

Love & Belonging In practice, the most important need is love and belonging, as closeness and connectedness with the people we care about is a requisite for satisfying all of the needs. In practice, the most important need is love and belonging, as closeness and connectedness with the people we care about is a requisite for satisfying all of the needs.

Fun Discovery Discovery Using knowledge Using knowledge Learning Learning Laughing Laughing

How do you perceive information? Many issues are a result of different perceptions of the same situation. The only thing we can give and receive from others is information.

The only person’s behavior we can control is our own. We chose everything we do including We chose everything we do including Frustrating Frustrating Depressing Depressing Angering Angering

External Control vs. Choice Theory External control language always harms and often destroys relationships. It uses should, must, and have to along with threats of punishments or promises of reward.. External control language always harms and often destroys relationships. It uses should, must, and have to along with threats of punishments or promises of reward.. Choice theory language is never bossy or controlling. It is always an attempt to work out differences between people in a way that satisfies both parties. Choice theory language is never bossy or controlling. It is always an attempt to work out differences between people in a way that satisfies both parties.

The Difference Between… External Control External Control You can motivate people You can motivate people You can control other’s behavior You can control other’s behavior You know what’s right for others You know what’s right for others You evaluate others You evaluate others You punish You punish You reward to control You reward to control You threaten You threaten You criticize You criticize You blame You blame You believe others can control you or make you feel bad You believe others can control you or make you feel bad You say and do things that drive the relationship apart You say and do things that drive the relationship apart You are threatened by allowing others to have choices You are threatened by allowing others to have choices You inhibit the freedom of others and kill their creativity You inhibit the freedom of others and kill their creativity You believe instilling fear in your authority is a necessary component of leadership You believe instilling fear in your authority is a necessary component of leadership You only listen to yourself You only listen to yourself You believe you are locked in an external control world and are defenseless against it You believe you are locked in an external control world and are defenseless against it Choice Theory People are internally motivated You can only control your own behavior You know what’s right for yourself You evaluate yourself You negotiate You reward for the good of the recipient You talk it over You say what you can do to help the relationship You accept responsibility for your own behavior You believe no one can make you do or feel anything, it’s your choice You say or do only what will bring you closer in the relationship You embrace the idea of empowering people with choices You give people the encouragement to try different ways to do things without judging them You are approachable and always remove from your demeanor anything that others might fear You listen to others and try to understand them You believe in the Choice Theory process and live your life accordingly

Replace External Control and the Seven Deadly Habits Seven Caring Habits Seven Caring Habits1.Supporting2.Encouraging3.Listening4.Accepting5.Trusting6.Respecting 7.Negotiating differences Seven Deadly Habits 1.Criticizing 2.Blaming 3.Complaining 4.Nagging 5.Threatening 6.Punishing 7.Bribing, rewarding to control

Examples of this Comparison in … Love & Marriage Love & Marriage Parent & Child Parent & Child Teacher & Student Teacher & Student Manager to Employee Manager to Employee

Love & Marriage External Control External Control You can’t wear a sport shirt to an affair like this! You’ll look like a bum and embarrass me. You’ve got to wear a shirt and tie. You can’t wear a sport shirt to an affair like this! You’ll look like a bum and embarrass me. You’ve got to wear a shirt and tie. Choice Theory Honey, I know you hate being uncomfortable, but this affair is pretty formal. How about wearing that new tie you picked out to go with the navy suit? You look great in it.

Parent & Child External Control External Control Are you crazy? No child of mine will ever get her nose pierced. Are you crazy? No child of mine will ever get her nose pierced. Choice Theory Get anything pierced you want. My love doesn’t depend on what you look like, But don’t do it until I get a good picture of you the way you are.

Teacher & Student External Control External Control If you get any further behind, you’re going to flunk. If you get any further behind, you’re going to flunk. Choice Theory You’re way behind. Let’s forget about what you’ve failed so far and try to get you going on what you’ll need to do for promotion. Simply do the work, show me you know it, and you’ll make it. We’ve still got three months; you have time. I’m on your side, so use my help.

Manager & Employee External Control External Control I know you’re very uncomfortable with the quality school ideas. I’m uncomfortable, too. But I was told to do it, and this is the way it’s going to be. I know you’re very uncomfortable with the quality school ideas. I’m uncomfortable, too. But I was told to do it, and this is the way it’s going to be. Choice Theory We’re trying to become a quality school, so everything I’m trying to do is based on one principle. If I do this or do that, will you and I get closer together or further apart? I’m not going to change anything unless you say it’s ok.

Lead Manager vs. Boss replace external control psychology with choice theory replace external control psychology with choice theory Continuum Toward Lead-Management

Management Styles Boss Management Boss Management Drives the workers Drives the workers Depends on authority Depends on authority Thinks “I” and “They” Thinks “I” and “They” Instills fear Instills fear Communicates resentment Communicates resentment Fixes blame Fixes blame Makes work drudgery Makes work drudgery Accepts poor or mediocre work Accepts poor or mediocre work Tries to “make” people work Tries to “make” people work Strongly wants to be in charge Strongly wants to be in charge Is concerned about the “needs of the business Is concerned about the “needs of the business Imposes work Imposes work Sets adversarial atmosphere Sets adversarial atmosphere Uses coercion Uses coercion Concerned about image as authority Concerned about image as authority Is abrupt and impersonal with people Is abrupt and impersonal with people Doesn’t want to get “involved” Doesn’t want to get “involved” Tell “how” Tell “how” Sets tasks and standard: workers adjust to them Sets tasks and standard: workers adjust to them Inspects work Inspects work Lead Management Leads the worker Depends on cooperation Thinks “we” Instills confidence Communicates enthusiasm and hope Fixes problems Makes work interesting Accepts only high quality work Realizes process is more important than outcome Allows workers to make some decisions Is concerned about “needs” of workers Discusses quality of work with the worker Sets friendly atmosphere Facilitates and shows Concerned about genuine role-modeling Is courteous, calm and consistent Shows interest in personal lives of others Shows “how” Discusses quality and time with workers Asks the workers to inspect work

Sources Glasser Institute. The New Reality Therapy. Using new Concepts and Avoiding Traps. Glasser Institute. The New Reality Therapy. Using new Concepts and Avoiding Traps. Glasser, William. Choice Theory: A New Psychology of Personal Freedom. New York: Harper Collins, Glasser, William. Choice Theory: A New Psychology of Personal Freedom. New York: Harper Collins, Glasser, William. The Choice Theory Manager. New York: Harper Collins, Glasser, William. The Choice Theory Manager. New York: Harper Collins, Glasser, William. The Quality School. New York: Harper Collins, Glasser, William. The Quality School. New York: Harper Collins, Glasser, William. Warning: Psychiatry Can Be Hazardous to your Mental Health.. New York: Harper Collins, Glasser, William. Warning: Psychiatry Can Be Hazardous to your Mental Health.. New York: Harper Collins, McDaniel, Jeanette and Blauser, Susan. Choice Theory, Reality Therapy & Lead Management. Unpublished manuscript. McDaniel, Jeanette and Blauser, Susan. Choice Theory, Reality Therapy & Lead Management. Unpublished manuscript. Wright, Norman. Helping Those Who Hurt.Bloomington, MN: Bethany House, Wright, Norman. Helping Those Who Hurt.Bloomington, MN: Bethany House, Wubbolding, Robert. Reality Therapy For the 21 st Century. Philadelphia, PA: Brunner- Routledge, Wubbolding, Robert. Reality Therapy For the 21 st Century. Philadelphia, PA: Brunner- Routledge, A Diagram of the Brain as a Control System, Chart created by William Glasser. 1993, updated A Diagram of the Brain as a Control System, Chart created by William Glasser. 1993, updated 2003.

Sources Glasser Institute Website. 10 Axioms of Choice Theory, Choice Theory Statements (sited from Glasser, William. Choice Theory: A New Psychology of Personal Freedom. New York: Harper Collins, 1998.), Sevem Caring & Seven Deadly Habits, & Continuum Toward Lead Management retreived on 7/13/2009 from Glasser Institute Website. 10 Axioms of Choice Theory, Choice Theory Statements (sited from Glasser, William. Choice Theory: A New Psychology of Personal Freedom. New York: Harper Collins, 1998.), Sevem Caring & Seven Deadly Habits, & Continuum Toward Lead Management retreived on 7/13/2009 from Glasser, William. Choice Theory: A New Psychology of Personal Freedom. New York: Harper Collins, , Glasser, William. Choice Theory: A New Psychology of Personal Freedom. New York: Harper Collins, , Glasser, William. Unhappy Teenagers: A way for parents and teachers to reach them. New York: Harper Collins, Glasser, William. Unhappy Teenagers: A way for parents and teachers to reach them. New York: Harper Collins, Glasser, William and Carleen. The Language of Choice Theory. New York: Harper Collins, ix, 18-19, 30-31, 76-77, Glasser, William and Carleen. The Language of Choice Theory. New York: Harper Collins, ix, 18-19, 30-31, 76-77, Glasser, Carleen. Teaching Choice Theory to High School Students in Class Meetings Glasser, Carleen. Teaching Choice Theory to High School Students in Class Meetings Glasser, Carleen. A Collection of Handouts, Masters, Photocopies, Total Behavior Handout. How much of what you need do you already have? Handout. Management Styles Handout. Glasser, Carleen. A Collection of Handouts, Masters, Photocopies, Total Behavior Handout. How much of what you need do you already have? Handout. Management Styles Handout. Jones & Jones. Comprehensive classroom management, Creating communities of support and solving problems (7th edition). Pearson , 313 Jones & Jones. Comprehensive classroom management, Creating communities of support and solving problems (7th edition). Pearson , 313