LISTENING

OBJECTIVES Understand the listening process Understand the listening process Develop listening skills Develop listening skills

WHY LISTENING? (Bolton) Words have different meanings for different people Words have different meanings for different people People often “code” their messages People often “code” their messages “Presenting” vs. actual problem “Presenting” vs. actual problem Speakers may be blind to their emotions Speakers may be blind to their emotions Listeners are easily distracted Listeners are easily distracted Listeners hear through filters that distort the message Listeners hear through filters that distort the message

Active Listening (AL) AL is used when: AL is used when: –The OTHER PERSON owns the problem –It’s not your problem –You are coming from a place of “helpfulness” AL based on: AL based on: –Empathy –Getting in touch with feelings behind the words –Acceptance –Confirmation Copyright 2001 FrontierWorks and Karen L. Rancourt, All Rights Reserved.

LEVELS OF LISTENING (Covey) 1. Ignoring 2. Pretending 3. Selective Listening 4. Attentive Listening 5. Empathic Listening

DEVELOPMENTAL STAGES (Covey) 1. Mimic content 2. Rephrase content 3. Reflect feeling 4. Rephrase content and reflect feeling

LISTENING SKILLS (Bolton) 1. Attending Skills (giving physical attn.) A posture of involvementA posture of involvement Appropriate body motionAppropriate body motion Eye contactEye contact Nondistracting environmentNondistracting environment 2. Following Skills (get out of the way) Door openersDoor openers Minimal encouragesMinimal encourages Infrequent questionsInfrequent questions Attentive SilenceAttentive Silence

LISTENING SKILLS (cont.) 3. Reflecting Skills ParaphrasingParaphrasing Reflecting feelingsReflecting feelings Reflecting meanings (tying feelings to content)Reflecting meanings (tying feelings to content) Summative reflectionsSummative reflections

LISTENING BLOCKS (Covey) Evaluating – we agree or disagree Evaluating – we agree or disagree Advising – we give counsel based on our experience Advising – we give counsel based on our experience Probing – we ask questions from our frame of reference Probing – we ask questions from our frame of reference Interpreting – we try to understand based on our motives and behavior Interpreting – we try to understand based on our motives and behavior

BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION Judging Judging –Criticizing –Name-calling –Diagnosing –Praising evaluatively

BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION Sending Solutions Sending Solutions –Ordering –Threatening –Moralizing –Excessive/Inappropriate Questioning

BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION Avoiding the Other’s Concerns Avoiding the Other’s Concerns –Advising –Diverting –Logical argument –Reassuring

PERCEPTUAL BARRIERS Frames of Reference Frames of Reference Semantics Semantics Filtering Filtering Selective Listening Selective Listening Value Judgments Value Judgments Relationships Relationships

LEFT-HAND COLUMN Left-column represents thoughts and feelings relevant to conversation but not articulated. Left-column represents thoughts and feelings relevant to conversation but not articulated. Right-column is what was actually said Right-column is what was actually said Organizations (and people) develop topics that are taboo Organizations (and people) develop topics that are taboo When your left-hand column is active you are diminishing your ability to listen When your left-hand column is active you are diminishing your ability to listen

Example #1 of Active Listening (AL) Sender: “I was really annoyed when I presented Tom’s findings at the meeting. They were loaded with errors.” Non-AL Response: “Well, Tom said you were in such hurry to get the stuff, he didn’t have time to check them.” AL Response: “I imagine that caused you great embarrassment.” Copyright 2001 FrontierWorks and Karen L. Rancourt, All Rights Reserved.

Example #2 of Active Listening (AL) Sender: “Finance is holding up my expense check for some dumb reason and I am broke.” Non-AL Response: “That doesn’t surprise me. The way you write they probably can’t read them.” AL Response: “I can tell this is really annoying you.” Copyright 2001 FrontierWorks and Karen L. Rancourt, All Rights Reserved.

Example #3 of Active Listening (AL) Sender: “I just can’t believe how ridiculous the feedback is we’re getting from XYZ.” AL Response: “Sounds like the quality of feedback has…” …disappointed you. …let you down. …upset you. Copyright 2001 FrontierWorks and Karen L. Rancourt, All Rights Reserved.

Example #4 of Active Listening (AL) Sender: “Oh, I guess this project’s going okay…” AL Response: “Sounds like this project…” …has you down in the dumps. …is discouraging you. …is leaving you weary. Copyright 2001 FrontierWorks and Karen L. Rancourt, All Rights Reserved.

Example #5 of Active Listening (AL) Sender: “That system design meeting went like a hot knife through butter…” AL Response: “I gather that…” …you’re pleased. …you’re excited. …you’re pumped up. Copyright 2001 FrontierWorks and Karen L. Rancourt, All Rights Reserved.

Active Listening Phrases Sounds like… Sounds like… Seems like… Seems like… It seems to you… It seems to you… From where you stand… From where you stand… You think… You think… Correct me if I’ve misunderstood… Correct me if I’ve misunderstood… Let me see if I’m getting this right... Let me see if I’m getting this right... You believe… You believe… I’m sensing … I’m sensing … I’m picking up that… I’m picking up that… Could it be that… Could it be that… What I hear you saying is that… What I hear you saying is that… If wonder if you’re feeling… If wonder if you’re feeling… Let me check this out with you... Let me check this out with you... Copyright 2001 FrontierWorks and Karen L. Rancourt, All Rights Reserved.

CAPTAIN COOK CASE Begin the role play by having the manager explain why the meeting has been requested. Begin the role play by having the manager explain why the meeting has been requested. Continue until a resolution has been reached or time is up, whichever comes first. Continue until a resolution has been reached or time is up, whichever comes first. Try to use listening skills Try to use listening skills The manager and employee should fill out the left-hand column worksheet. The manager and employee should fill out the left-hand column worksheet. The observers should complete the observer worksheet. The observers should complete the observer worksheet. Once the worksheets are complete, the manager and the wait person should describe how they felt during the role play and in what ways they acted differently from their usual behavior in the face of conflict. Once the worksheets are complete, the manager and the wait person should describe how they felt during the role play and in what ways they acted differently from their usual behavior in the face of conflict. Group discussion Group discussion Class discussion Class discussion