Emotion Coaching Raising Kids Who Take Responsibility, Develop Self-Control and Show Empathy Dr. Joshua Straub

Three Pathways Compliance Interaction Grace Pathway Truth Pathway Safe House Pathway

Collaborative Problem Solving  E—Empathy  A—Assert  R—Respect  I—Invite  C—Collaboration

Empathy  Listening and understanding child concerns  Helping child articulate concerns what the concern  Taking concerns seriously  Empathy is a reciprocal process, so you may try to empathize but if the child does not believe you understand then you have not empathized

Assert  Define problem, expressing concern or expectation  Don’t mistake your solutions for concerns or expectation  Appeal to rules as important principles to follow

Respect  Work at monitoring and managing your own emotion regulation—if too upset, go to pathway C  Non-contingent respect  Never use disrespect as a form of punishment  Avoid global, negative attributions  Remain warm—avoid triggering CER’s

Invite  Asking teen to generate possible solutions  Avoid forcing solutions  Think out loud

Collaboration  Working with child to come up with workable solutions  Help child use foresight and hindsight  Model flexibility  Model regulation  Model respect  Maintain warmth

Qualities of Good Solutions  Mutually satisfactory  Doable  Durable

Qualities of Good Solutions  When to use A  When to use C  Different kinds of C’s, some are better than others  Two kinds of B’s  Emergence  Proactive—timing is everything