Advice from Eats, Shoots & Leaves By Lynne Truss Powerpoint by Ms. Fehrenbacher

What is the definition of Grammar? “the traffic signals of language; they tell us when to slow down, take a detour, and stop.” “the invisible servants in fairy tales—the ones who bring glasses of water and pillows, not storms of weather or love.” “a courtesy designed to help readers understand a story without stumbling.”

You carry around a permanent black marker to correct any mistakes you see on posters, advertisements, etc. You experience the stages of grief at the sight of bad grammar: shock, disbelief, pain, anger. You have a Seventh Sense: instead of seeing dead people, you see dead punctuation. You are a member of any kind of grammatical society such as the Apostrophe Protection Society in England. You believe that proper punctuation is the world’s most endangered species. You know the historical background of punctuation. You know you care about grammar when…

Why is good grammar so important? A panda walks into a café. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots into the air. “Why?” as the confused waiter, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder. “I’m a panda,” he says at the door. “Look it up.” The waiter turns to the relevant entry and, sure enough, finds an explanation…

“Panda. Large black-and-white bear- like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots & leaves.”

The Consequences of Mispunctuation: A woman, without her man, is nothing. A woman: without her, man is nothing.

The Consequences of Mispunctuation: Dear Jack, I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we’re apart. I can be forever happy---will you let me be yours? Jill

The Consequences of Mispunctuation: Dear Jack, I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men I yearn. For you I have no feelings whatsoever. When we’re apart, I can be forever happy. Will you let me be? Yours, Jill