Designed and Presented By Dr. Cal LeMon, Executive Enrichment, Inc. ASSERTIVE SKILLS FOR AGGRESSIVE CONVERSATIONS Missouri Association of Student Financial Aid Personnel

PARENT CHILD Your Choices To Get What You Want From Others ADULT

PARENT = AGGRESSIVE Take Away Someone’s Rights To Intimidate Take Away Someone’s Rights To Intimidate

CHILD = PASSIVE Manipulate With Guilt

ADULT = ASSERTIVE

THE ASSERTIVE ADULT IS SOMEONE WHO HAS THE RIGHT TO REPRESENT WHAT HE/SHE IS THINKING AND FEELING WITHOUT: THE ASSERTIVE ADULT IS SOMEONE WHO HAS THE RIGHT TO REPRESENT WHAT HE/SHE IS THINKING AND FEELING WITHOUT: APOLOGY FALSE GUILT ABUSING RIGHTS APOLOGY FALSE GUILT ABUSING RIGHTS

I agree to take responsibility for what I can control I agree to take responsibility for what I can control

People Behave Passively Because: 1. Mistaken belief they will be disliked if they disagree 2. Other people appear threatening 3. Have never understood what it means to be an assertive adult 4. Do not have confidence in their own abilities and convictions

ASSERTIVE SKILLS ASSERTIVE SKILLS

Use “I” instead of “you” statements.

“You are right, I am wrong.” “You are right, I am wrong.” A POSITIVE ASSERTION

“Yes, we have a problem, and now we have a decision.”

“If I don’t hear from you by 5:00 p.m., I will assume that you are in agreement with me.” ASSUMED AGREEMENT

“I am OK if you do not agree with me.”

“I will never hand over control of me to anyone.”

“I will listen even if I do not agree.”

The assertive right which is the most difficult for me to act out at my financial aid office is #____ because _________________ ________________________.

You have confronted a colleague about making some attitudinal changes at work and he/she has given you no response at all. This situation has gone on for the past two months You have confronted a colleague about making some attitudinal changes at work and he/she has given you no response at all. This situation has gone on for the past two months

#1. You have a right to make mistakes.

#2. You have a right to be the final judge of your feelings and accept them as legitimate. #2. You have a right to be the final judge of your feelings and accept them as legitimate.

#3. You have a right to change your mind or decide on a different course of action. #3. You have a right to change your mind or decide on a different course of action.

#4. You have a right to protest any treatment or criticism that feels bad to you.

#5. You have a right to ask a question when you need clarification. #5. You have a right to ask a question when you need clarification.

#6. You have a right to negotiate for change. #6. You have a right to negotiate for change.

#7. You have a right to ask for help or emotional support. #7. You have a right to ask for help or emotional support.

#8. You have a right to say #8. You have a right to say

#9. You have a right not to take responsibility for someone else’s problem or decision

#10. You have a right to choose not to respond to a situation.

A colleague continues to take cell phone calls every time you are talking to this person.

Your boss continues to create the same errors over and over again which is creating confusion in your work area.

In staff meetings, a coworker considers any constructive criticism to be a personal attack.

THE ASSERTIVE PLAN FOR CONFRONTING Think alone…speak later State the problem Issue a positive challenge Listen for the “open door” Suggest options for solutions