eTeens lesson 1: Decision Making & Saying No Secondary 3 9 April 2014

Learning outcomes Students understand that there are consequences in any decision they make regarding sexual intercourse. Students learn to make decisions that reduce the risk to their sexual health. Students will learn to negotiate and to respond to persuasion in an assertive way.

What are the consequences of sex for young persons? Physical: Emotional: Social: Ethical:

Sex and the consequences for young persons Physical: STI, pregnancy Emotional: Guilt, shame, fear (of pregnancy, STI, parents finding out), confusion. Social: Break up of friendship, insecurity in relationships, uncomfortable and awkwardness with friend. Ethical: Religious or moral dilemma

Decision-making: To have or not to have? Know your reasons for saying Yes or No Seek information from reliable sources Be aware of the consequences of our decisions/actions Know your own boundaries and that there could be situations where it is difficult to U-turn

To have or not to have? DecisionPlusesMinusesHow important? How it affects people? To have Not to have

Communication styles Aggressive Behavior forces your own rights and beliefs onto someone else and makes them do what you want Passive Behavior sacrifices personal rights, beliefs and views, gives in to others’ demands Assertive Behavior strives for a win-win, non- confrontational ending without sacrificing personal rights and beliefs. Which style is the best?

Ways of saying No How to say it? Changing the subject Weren’t you about to tell me about this exciting new movie you saw? Let’s go have a drink at… Just say No! (Direct Refusal) No, no, I really mean No! No, I’m not going to do that No, it’s against my principles Give an excuse I’m not ready now – maybe later Maybe we can talk later I’d like to talk to a friend

Ways of saying No How to say it? Reverse the pressure Let’s do ….. instead How about we try ….. What would make us both happy? Avoid the situation/walk away I’m not feeling comfortable, so I’m leaving now Let’s not go to your house now cos no one is at home If you keep pressurizing me, I’m leaving Using ‘I’ messages I feel frustrated when…. I feel unhappy when ….. I feel …. when……. I don’t like it when… I would like it better if ……. I would like you to ….. I wish you would …….

Reasons to say No! Because I want to wait till I’m married. Because I don’t want you to get pregnant. Because I care about how my parents think about this. Because I care about you. Because I want to enjoy our friendship without sex distracting us. Because I don’t want to live with regret and guilt. Because I want to respect myself and you too.

Reasons to say No! Because there are so many things we can do to show that we care about one another. Because I don’t want to make the wrong choice. Because I have the right to say No. Because I must do what is right for me.

Lines for sex Come on, do I look dirty to you? Do I look like I have some infections? Hey, you are not a kid anymore? We are more than friends, and I love you. I want to show you my love? Hey, we have been together for so long. It is something that all couples do, we will do it as well. Everyone else is doing it. Don’t you love me?

Ways to say No Once is all it takes to get pregnant. May be we are not ready for sex. I really don’t want sex before marriage. If you love me, you wouldn’t force me to do something I don’t want to. May be we can just hug. I know that not everyone is having sex. For example, I’m not. I don’t feel good when pressured, so I’m leaving. I trust me and me does not want to have sex.

Lets do these instead Teach each other a new hobby. Share your dreams with each other. Do homework together in the library. Get to know each other’s friends.

Questions?