WELCOME “AWAKENING THE GIFTS OF CHARACTER Creating A Culture of Caring & Compassion An Introduction to The Five Strategies™ of The Virtues Project™

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WHO ARE THE PRESENTERS? Terry Rahn Bobbie Lotz Bonnie Hansen Facilitators of The Virtues Project™

What is The Virtues Project? A global grassroots initiative that is transforming the culture of homes, schools, organizations and communities, through awakening virtues, our gifts of character using five simple strategies!

What are virtues? They’re what is good in us The gifts of our character The qualities of our spirit Our inner strengths

Virtues: The Gifts of Character Assertiveness Caring Cleanliness Commitment Compassion Confidence Consideration Cooperation Courage Courtesy Creativity Detachment Determination Reliability Respect Responsibility Self-discipline Service Tact Thankfulness Tolerance Trust Trustworthiness Truthfulness Understanding Unity Diligence Enthusiasm Excellence Flexibility Forgiveness Friendliness Generosity Gentleness Helpfulness Honesty Honor Humility Idealism Integrity Joyfulness Justice Kindness Love Loyalty Moderation Modesty Orderliness Patience Peacefulness Perseverance Purposefulness

Perfect in Potential

We look like this, with all the virtues inside!!!

Yale Infant Mental Health Moral Life of Babies by Paul Bloom (2010) (Psychology Professor at Yale) Babies possess certain moral foundations — the capacity and willingness to judge the actions of others, some sense of justice, gut responses to altruism and nastiness. Regardless of how smart we are, if we didn’t start with this basic apparatus, we would be nothing more than amoral agents, ruthlessly driven to pursue our self-interest.

Moral Molecule by Paul Zak OXYTOCIN INCREASES- Trust, Trustworthiness Empathy, Generosity Inhibiting Oxytocin- Increases Stress Decreases Nurturing

Amy Cuddy- Body Image Fake it until you BECOME it! Increases Testosterone & Decreases Cortisol (Increases Assertiveness & Confidence & Peacefulness) Increases Stress & Anxiety Decreases Testosterone & Increases Cortisol – Decreases Assertiveness & Confidence

Our human physiology is designed to help us grow virtues so we can live in society!

Based on Four Key Principles  The parent is the primary educator of the child.  Children are born in potential. Their natural qualities can develop into positive or negative traits depending on how they are educated in the early years.  Character develops as children learn to make responsible, moral choices.  Self-esteem is a natural outcome of living by virtues.

Every Child Is Born In Potential

Is it ever too late? NO!! I t is NEVER too late to begin and it’s NEVER too early…

For Teachers - Is this an add on curriculum? NO! This is not one more thing to add to your tightly scheduled day. You INFUSE these strategies into what you are already doing to strengthen your tools and achieve enhanced results!

OUR GOALS FOR THIS WORKSHOP To awaken your virtues To teach you to see these gifts in others To have you experience the Five Strategies™ To inspire you to apply these strategies in your professional and personal lives

What are our expectations? Give your best to each activity Follow the directions for each exercise Finish activities within allotted time frame Follow the boundaries that we establish

The A.R.T. of Boundaries Assertiveness Respect Trust Do what is right for you Be deeply present without advising, interrupting, rescuing, criticizing, teasing Be worthy of trust. What we say here stays here.

INTERACTIVE INTRODUCTION 1. Pick one partner. 2. Choose who will be partner Partner 1 ask partner 2 all the questions, listening for their virtues. 4. Partner 1 acknowledge partner 2 for virtues you saw and heard. Write virtue on name tag. Switch VIRTUE + EXAMPLE = VIRTUES ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

WRITE the virtues you saw on the Gem Tags!

What did you appreciate about this activity?

THE FIVE STRATEGIES

Speak the Language Recognize Teachable Moments Set Clear Boundaries Honor the Spirit Offer Companioning TM

CONGRATULATIONS! You have already practiced all five strategies!!

Dr. Dan Popov Linda Kavelin-Popov John Kavelin

THE HISTORY Launched in1991 Three people Response to school shooting and youth violence in the US 1989 Began as a parenting program Virtues the common thread Soon discovered universal application

Strategy One SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF VIRTUES

SPEAK VIRTUES LANGUAGE Words are powerful Virtues Words speak straight to the heart Focus on virtues, the intent of the behavior we want.

Speak the Language - Acknowledge

Speak the Language - Guide

Speak the Language - Correct

Speak the Language Exercise Work in groups of 4-5

Whisper Circle !!

ACTIVITY RENAME AND REFRAME

Rename - Reframe Behavior that CHALLENGES you Rename the behavior as a VIRTUE What is the Virtue you want?

Strategy Two RECOGNIZE TEACHABLE MOMENTS

TEACHABLE MOMENTS ARE OPPORTUNITIES TO… help virtues grow see virtues in any situation virtues that need to be practiced virtues that are happening remember, there is always a virtue

In Teachable Moments Stop Shaming Start Naming Virtues

What Destroys Conscience? Shaming Name-calling Beating or hitting Over-protecting Over-punishing Ignoring effort Lack of clear boundaries

What Builds Conscience? Naming virtues Clear boundaries The opportunity for reparation Acknowledging effort

The A.R.T. of Boundaries Assertiveness - Do what is right for you Respect - Trust - Be deeply present without advising, interrupting, rescuing, criticizing, teasing Be worthy of trust. What we say here stays here.

The Virtues Pick  Pick a new partner. Decide who will go first.  Share something about what’s up in your life at this time (whatever you want to share about).  Read your virtue card aloud (both sides) and share how it is speaking to you.  Partner, companion in SILENCE with no cross talk.  When first person finishes sharing, partner give VIRTUES ACKNOWLEGEMENT and write the virtues on their gem tag.

What did you appreciate about this activity?

Strategy Three SET CLEAR BOUNDARIES

Boundaries Keep Us Safe

Clear boundaries are needed when we have a problem.

Clear boundaries are needed to create a safe and peaceful learning environment.

Do our boundaries address the problem? If the answer is “no”- ?need to change it?

HOW TO SET A CLEAR BOUNDARY What virtues are needed? How do they need to be practiced? Be specific. What are the consequences for not following through?

Guidelines for Establishing Clear Boundaries 1. Be Moderate 2. Be Specific 3. Be Positive - Virtues Based 4. Have Specific, Relevant Consequences 5. Make Consequences Educative 6. Be Consistent 7. Communicate Rules Clearly 8. Be Sure Consequences are Understood 9. Make Bottom Line Rules Non-Negotiable 10. Make Expectations Clear

OUR CLASS/FAMILY COMMITMENT We are peaceful with our words and our actions. We are gentle with people and things. We are respectful of people and things. We are enthusiastic learners and always work with excellence.

TRI-FOLD ACTIVITY Fold a sheet of paper into thirds Scribble in the left section, draw a small square in the middle section, draw a large oval in the right section Each section represents a different family of origin. Write down words in each section to describe their family rules.

PRACTICE BOUNDARY WRITING Write a boundary for work Remember, first identify the virtue that is needed.

Boundaries are found in … Vision statements Mission statements Policies Discipline Plans Progress Reports Family Rules Evaluations

Create a Virtues-Based Vision Statement

And when the boundaries are violated … PRACTICE RESTORATIVE JUSTICE

In Retributive Justice You are a Detective Asking … What was the crime? Who did it? How should they be punished?

In Restorative Justice You are a Mentor Asking All Involved… What happened? Who was hurt? What virtues were needed? What amends can be made?

Restorative Justice

Strategy Five OFFER COMPANIONING

OFFER COMPANIONING This is the strategy that you use when someone else has a problem.

Compassion & Detachment Compassion is understanding & caring when someone is hurt or troubled. It is wanting to help, even if all you can do is listen and say kind words. Detachment is experiencing your feelings without letting them control. You choose how to react instead of just reacting. You use thinking & feeling together.

Getting to the Heart of the Matter Offer Companioning to…

Is Not Is What It Is and What It Is Not A FixWalk Along A RescueRespect CuringCaring AdvicePresence SympathyCompassion & Detachment TellingListening Victim-basedVirtues-based

Don’t Get Furious. Get Curious!

THE MAGIC WORDS WHAT & HOW

STEPS in the PROCESS 1.Open the Door 2.Offer receptive silence 3.Ask cup-emptying questions 4.Focus on perceptual cues (Heart of Matter) 5.Ask Virtues reflection questions 6.Ask closure & integration questions 7.Offer Virtues acknowledgments

Topics for Offering Companioning Something on my mind lately- (an unresolved situation…a joyful situation….) A challenge or concern in my life Something I’m excited about Something working on- (ex: what color to paint kitchen…. What to do on vacation…)

Spirit Walk Go outside- walk slowly & contemplatively, allowing your attention to become diffuse, open to whatever is drawn to you. (? Leaf, sky, fence….) Spend at least 10 minutes with it contemplatively then journal about what gift it has for you Share with someone–Offer Companioning

What did you appreciate about this activity?

Strategy Four HONOR THE SPIRIT

WHAT HONORS YOUR SPIRIT What brings you joy? What inspires you? What renews your spirit? What gives you energy?

What Re- creates You?

Honor the Spirit Mastery Mystery Meaning

Applications Organizational Assessment Leadership Development Creating a Vision Statement Creating a Mission Statement Cultural Change

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