Improving Communication Climates Types of confirming messages recognition acknowledgment endorsement Recognition- if you lose touch or fail to recognize someone, or person perceives you as avoiding contact, it is disconfirming Acknowledgment- listening , soliciting opinions, reflecting feelings Endorsement- most powerful. Interested in another’s ideas and agree (or endorse or agree with part) Also praise, and nonverbal endorsement

Disconfirming communication Lack of regard Disputing Disagreement Ignoring Healthier to disagree than ignore. Disagreement does recognize and acknowledge Attack ideas not the person Better received if delivered in a supportive, affirming manner Being ignored can be very disconfirming. Matter of perception. Even if isn’t intention, can be perceived as disconfirming

How climates develop Both verbal and nonverbal After climate has formed it can grow into a spiral (either positive or negative) We tend to respond to the preceding statement in “like” Escalatory Conflict Spirals- disconfirming messages reinforce one another

De-escalatory conflict spirals- can also be destructive De-escalatory conflict spirals- can also be destructive. The parties slowly lessen their dependence on one another and withdraw and become less invested. Spirals can go through cycles of progression and regression.

Defensiveness: Causes and Remedies When others confront us with face-threatening acts (messages that challenge the image we want to project), we may become defensive. “Saving Face” We feel the most defensive when the criticism is on target We have a need for approval, and also need to protect our self image.

Types of Defensive Reactions Cognitive dissonance- inconsistency between two conflicting pieces of information. Is is uncomfortable, so communicators strive to resolve it by seeking consistency. Can change presenting self or use a defense mechanism

Defense Mechanisms Attack the critic: -verbal aggression -sarcasm Distorting Critical Information: -rationalization-invention of logical but untrue explanations of behavior that is unacceptable to self.

-Compensation-emphasize a strength in one area to cover a weakness in another. -Regression-play helpless. I “can’t” instead of “I won’t”

Avoiding Dissonant Information Physical avoidance Repression-mentally block out dissonant information (changing the subject, acting as if you don’t understand, and pretending not to hear) Apathy- pretending that you don’t care about it

Displacement- vent aggressive feelings to something else Displacement- vent aggressive feelings to something else. Gives the illusion that we have control and can’t be pushed around.

Preventing Defensiveness Competent communicators protect others’ face by supporting his or her presenting self You express dissatisfaction on a content level, but on a relational level, you say that you value them.

Gibbs Catagories Evaluation vs. Description. Focus on speaker’s thoughts and feelings instead of judging. Express in “I” language with descriptors. Have to deliver with good timing and tone of voice

Control vs. Problem Orientation: Focus is one finding a solution that satisfies needs of both parties. “Win/win” Strategy vs. Spontaneity. Strategy is a type of manipulation with an ulterior motive. Spontaneity is more candid and honest communication. Controlling communication is when a sender seems to be imposing a solution on the receiver with little regard for the receiver’s needs or interests.Person who has possession of the remote control. Communication in domestic violence is characterized by opposition to one another’s viewpoints. Control can be through status, physical power, hostility. Problem orientation- focus is on finding a solution that satisfies both their needs and those of the others involved. WIN/WIN Strategy- manipulated or deceived Spontaneity- expressing self honestly “candid”. Spontaneity can be a strategy, too. Some people use honesty in a calculating way. If this is done, trust is lost.

Neutrality vs. Empathy. Neutrality is more indifferent Neutrality vs. Empathy. Neutrality is more indifferent. Empathy shows concern for the feelings of the other party. Nonverbal is often more important than verbal. Superiority vs. Equality. Need to convey that although you may have more talent, etc. in a certain area, others have just as much worth. Neutrality vs. Empathy- disconfirming because it implies that the other person doesn’t matter. Promotes defensiveness. Empathy- when people show they care for the feeling of another person, there less chance that person’s self esteem is threatened. Superiority- any message that suggest “I’m better than you”. The way someone delivers a message can suggest a one-up approach- Ex. Patronizing by using simplified grammar and vocabulary, talking loudly, not listening, Equality- a truly secure person can treat others with equality even when there are obvious differences in knowledge, talent, and status.

Certainty vs. Provisionalism Certainty vs. Provisionalism. Communicators who regard their own opinions with certainty vs. those who are willing to acknowledge that they are open to other ideas. .

Responding Nondefensively to Criticism Seek more information - Ask for specifics (be sure you can hear it) - Guess about specifics (if the person criticizing won’t give specific examples) -Paraphrase the speaker’s ideas -Ask what the critic wants -Ask about the consequences of your behavior Difficult to be non- defensive and reasonable when feeling attacked. Especially hard with the criticism is on target. Tendency is either to counter-attack aggressively or withdraw Neither one will resolve a dispute, so try these two strategies- If it feels the criticism is unfair, it is hard to listen with an open mind. However, the act of listening is different from accepting the comment. If you disagree with the criticism, you are in a better position to explain yourself. , and if the criticism is valid, you have learned something about yourself. Consequences of behavior. Usually people criticize when some need of there is not being met. So, find out what the consequences of your behavior are for them. Maybe once you understand their position, it makes sense.

- agree with the critic’s perception -Ask what else is wrong -Agree with the critic - agree with the facts - agree with the critic’s perception Sometimes complaints are a cover for something else. Agree with the critic- When facts are right - “You’re right. I am bored” . “I guess I was late” Have to remember that you are not perfect, and be willing to admit mistakes. Accept the facts, but not necessarily the judgement. Agree with the facts only when you can do so sincerely. Agree with the critic’s perception- understand that by agreeing with a critic doesn’t necessarily oblige you to apologize. Ex. “I can see why you think that I …” “I understand what you are saying about …..” “You’re right. I did step out of line. I wasn’t sure of the policy for this situation. It didn’t fit the criteria in the handbook”.