Sing, goddess, the anger of Peleus’ son Achilleus and its devastation, which put pains thousandfold upon the Achaians, hurled in their multitudes to the house of Hades strong souls of heroes, but gave their bodies to be the delicate feasting of dogs, of all birds, and the will of Zeus was accomplished since that time when first there stood in division of conflict Atreus’ son the lord of men and brilliant Achilleus. --trans. Lattimore

Cast of Characters: Zeus (Juppiter) Aphrodite (Venus) Hera (Juno) Athena (Minerva) Eris Thetis Helen Paris Peleus Agamemnon Menelaus Achilles

Once upon a time... Because of a prophesy that said that the nymph Thetis would bear a son stronger than his father, Zeus married her to the mortal Peleus. There was a huge wedding and all the gods were invited— --except Eris, the goddess of strife.

In revenge, Eris threw a golden apple amongst the banqueters that read: καλλισσιμηι

Hera, Aphrodite, and Athena each assumed the apple was for herself Zeus commanded that Paris, a farmer from Troy, judge who is “fairest” Hera promised Paris power, Athena promised him prowess in war, Aphrodite promised him the most beautiful mortal woman Paris chose Aphrodite’s offer and was promised Helen

Paris made a quick trip to Greece, and by chance took respite in the house of Menelaus... Helen’s husband Paris steals her back to Troy and Menelaus and his brother Agamemnon immediately martial their troops in retaliation But a few Greeks are reluctant... Odysseus pretends to be blind and mad when messengers call him to war, plowing his fields wildly and sowing them with salt

Meanwhile... Thetis has left her husband Peleus and taken her half-mortal son Achilles with her Because genetics limited Achilles to only half a portion of immortality, Thetis tried in various ways to extend his life But Odysseus unveils Achilles’ disguise and the two join with the other Greeks, sailing off for Troy. She dips him in the river Styx to give him an immortal shield, and also disguises him as a girl so he will not be chosen to go off to war

Ten years later... Yet another woman causes strife, this time between Agamemnon and Achilles Achilles vows to never fight again and leaves the Greeks’ camp. Achilles’ best friend Patroclus, upset that the Greeks are now losing, takes up Achilles’ armor and fights against the Trojans Patroclus is killed by the Trojan hero Hector, and Achilles is thrown into a whirlwind of wrath.

Achilles slaughters Hector, and the Greeks once again gain the upper hand. The Greeks finally win over the Trojans with an ingenious tactical maneuver-- They get the Trojans liquored up

Oh yeah, I think there was something about a horse...

After their victory, the Greeks, anxious to get home, happily board their ships and set sail, tingly and warm in anticipation of seeing their families in just a few short days... Muse, tell me of the man of many wiles, the man who wandered many paths of exile after he sacked Troy’s sacred citadel. He saw the cities—mapped the minds—of many; and on the sea, his spirit suffered every adversity—to keep his life intact, to bring his comrades back. In that last task, his will was firm and fast, and yet he failed: he could not save his comrades. Fools, they foiled themselves: they ate the oxen of the sun, the herd of Helios Hyperion; the lord of light requited their transgression—he took away the day of their return. --trans. Mendelbaum