to commend the worth of; express approval or admiration; to positively recognize what someone did or who they are.

Compliment: “You look especially nice today!” Gesture: cheering, clapping, thumbs up, A-OK sign, wink, etc. Gentle touch: hug, high-five, arm around shoulder, etc.

Praise promotes feelings of: Self-pride (feeling good about self) Self-worth (knowing you are needed, valued) Accomplishment (You’ve come a long way, baby!) Competence (you can handle most things) Confidence (willing to try and succeed)

Two types of Praise Unconditional Uniqueness No strings attached “I love you.” “You are special.” “I’m glad you’re my kid!” Focuses on what the person did or tried to do. “Thanks for taking out the trash.” “You’re really working hard on that project!”

FOCUS on the person. Move in close. Make eye contact. Be pleasant, sincere. Gentle touch, pat, hug, etc. Descriptive words Share love

Too much or too often or insincere praise. “What a good girl!” “Good job.” (Huh?) Making it value dependent: “I’m proud of you when you keep your room clean.” (I’m unlovable if my room is messy?) Praise with comparison promotes competition. It divides, not unites. “You beat Jimmy on that test!” vs “You studied hard and look how well you did on that test!” (Do you want her to do her best or to try to beat others?) Only praising well-done or completed things devalues effort and process. Perfectionism, conditional, etc. Do you only cheer for your team IF and only WHEN they win??? Combining praise for doing and being together. “You won! I love you!” (Do you only love me because I won?)

Smile and say, “Thank you!”

Well, what did you learn? “Thanks for cooperating with me. You’re really a nice person.” “You’re a fantastic person!” “You know, you’re really cool but I wish you’d stop smoking.” “You worked really hard on that project. I bet you feel pretty proud of yourself!” “Even though I didn’t score a goal, I played pretty well. “I can play the drums better than anyone in this room!”