What does an effective parent do?

Good parent or effective parent? Effective people are those who invest their energy in a way that achieves specific goals 2

The goal of parenthood Raising a child who when he grows into adulthood will be able to deal with whatever life hands him or her 3

Wish list self-confident with a positive self-image content, happy respects himself and others responsible independent 4

Exam: our effectiveness as parents Do our actions today bring us closer to our goals? Is our child’s behavior appropriate? What conclusions does our child draw of himself and of the world? 5

So, what does an effective parent do? One, giving the child a sense of belonging, capability, and worth. Two, developing social interest in the child. And three, giving the child life-skills, and training him to cooperate 6

Sense of belonging The feeling that we have a place and that we are worthy just as we are We are loved and wanted We make a difference by contributing according to our capability Connected, Capable, Count, Courage The crucial Cs – B.L. Bettner 7

A good sense of belonging Self-confidence Positive self-image Courage Optimism Actions and thoughts will be directed toward the useful side of life 8

Belonging: to do list Sharing Consulting Asking for help Encouragement Training 9

Encouragement Focus on the positive Appreciate the effort regardless of the result Avoid generalizations Minimize the importance of mistakes Focus on the deed not the doer 10

Success “ Success is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.” Churchill 11

Social Interest Genuine interest and concern for other people desire to contribute to their welfare and development 12

Why is it important to nurture SI in our children? Mental health Happiness Self-fulfillment 13

Zeitgeist From respect to love 14

SI: to do list Set an example It is not all about you: Don’t pull the dog’s tail! He may bite you That hurts the dog The child as part of the family and not it’s center Develop satisfaction postponement Ask for help Nurture friendship 15

A child with developed SI… will be an adult whose problems will be life’s problems and not problems regarding relationships with other people. He won’t be preoccupied evaluating his worth and place, but can devote his energies to expressing his desires and skills, for the general good as well as for his personal good. 16

Teaching Cooperation Love Boundaries Love with boundaries 17

What’s our problem? despite adopting the democratic idea, we still haven’t acquired the necessarily democratic tools to encourage cooperation 18

Consequences Mistaken actions leads to unwanted consequences Relationship: action + consequence = learning 19

Natural consequences what happens naturally as a result of human actions 20

Logical consequences The reaction of the adults to the child’s inappropriate behavior. However, contrary to punishment, it is logically related to his behavior. Related Respectful Reasonable 21

Why it works? Internal discipline Responsibility It is the child vs. life and not the child vs. parents 22

Consequences: to do list Natural consequences: If they are not dangerous- let them be Logical consequences Notify the child of the consequence Child chooses behavior The consequence takes place + be empathetic 23

When not to use them Natural consequences: Dangerous/long term situations Logical consequences: If you are in a power struggle 24

Thank you Q & A 25

If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn. If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight. If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy. If a child lives with fear, he learns to be apprehensive. If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty. If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient. If a child lives with encouragement, he learns to be confident. If a child lives with acceptance, he learns to love. If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself. If a child lives with recognition, he learns it is good to have a goal. If a child lives with honesty, he learns what truth is. If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice. If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith in himself and those around him. If a child lives with friendliness, he learns the world is a nice place in which to live, to love and be loved. Rudolf Dreikurs 26

CDs

The Practical Guide for the Busy parent 28