The Power of Our Words Betsy Beltle, MS

What to Expect Today “Listening” & the 3 Rs of Teacher Language Reinforcing Reminding Redirecting Personal reflections

The Basics Effective Language: Clear, simple, direct Genuine & respectful Specific Focused on actions, not character Descriptive while avoiding personal judgment Shows faith in children’s abilities & potential

Listening It is the province of knowledge to speak. And the privilege of wisdom to listen—Oliver Wendell Holmes Involves searching for the speaker’s intended meaning “taking a vigorous, human interest in what is being told to us” Lets us know the child individually, culturally, developmentally & makes the child feel like they are understood/belong Child learns about him/herself when we reflect back what we heard Build a sense of community-reflect how student’s concern is part of the larger group (i.e., the family) When we listen, children take learning more seriously Our listening makes children become better communicators

Listening: Technical Strategies Pausing: allowing some wait time before responding, give yourself time to formulate response after thoroughly listening to speaker Paraphrasing: restating the speaker’s words in your own words Allow the speaker to assure that he or she meant what was said Allow you to understand what the student understands Allow everyone to think more deeply about topic if the adult follows up with open-ended question

The 3 Rs of Teacher Language Reinforcing Reminding Redirecting Seeing Children and Naming their Strengths Helping Students Remember Expectations Giving Clear Commands when students have gone off track

Reinforcing Learning comes from building on strengths & NOT weaknesses Language can help see what a student is doing well and identify how to improve that Reinforcing language is grossly underused! “Great job!” “Well done!”—imprecise, non-specific praise

Reinforcing—when & why we use it To coach a new skill, use encouraging language Help move past a “stuck point” by highlighting what is going “right” Point out individual child’s leading edge behaviors (done privately so as not to highlight weaknesses of others or draw comparisons) Describe learning history: Yesterday it took 5 minutes but today only 3 minutes. What helped us to improve our time today?

Reinforcing—Effective Reinforcing Language Name concrete, specific behaviors Use a warm and professional tone Emphasize description over personal approval Consider adding a question to extend the child’s thinking Find positives to name in all children Avoid naming individuals as examples for others

Reminding Keep us organized and on track during the day Support children via prompts to remember on their own Remind children of behavioral expectations What are we supposed to be doing right now Prior to transitions so consider how to “finish up/clean up”

Reminding—Effective Reminding Language Start by establishing clear expectations prior to the start Phrase a reminder as a question or a statement Use a direct tone and neutral body language Use reminders proactively or reactively Use reminders when children and you are both calm Keep reminders brief Watch for follow-through

Redirecting Ideally most time is spent reinforcing or reminding. Sometimes we need to give clear, non-negotiable demands about what to do. When children’s behavior could be dangerous When children are too emotional to remember expectations When children are too deeply involved in off-track behavior Literally change child’s mental and physical direction by providing the external control that when self-control is failing them

Redirecting-Effective Redirecting Language Be direct and specific. Name the desired behavior Keep it brief Phrase redirections as a statement, not a question Follow through after giving a redirection NO discussion, NO lecturing, & NO explanations!

Personal Reflections Have I ever said something to my child that I regret saying? How do I speak to my child? How do I speak to other adults? Do my children know what I expect of them in all settings?

Final Thoughts