Chapter 20 Defining Responsibility in a Changing World

Quote for the day Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place. - When Harry Met Sally

Recognize: An an individual, you are responsible for the consequences of the choices you make in order to satisfy your needs. As you explore your sexuality you must negotiate a path through society’s contradictory messages about sex. With sexuality comes a tremendous responsibility for making choices that fit your needs, the needs of others around you, and the needs of society.

Values Morals –Our concept of what is right or wrong –The idea that happiness is the goal of moral principles is well rooted in science and religion –We often face contradictory moral claims “An eye for an eye” Turn the other cheek”

Values Value Orientation –A rational and sensible approach to decision making that will maximize one’s potential to thrive. –Determined by your life experiences. –Basic value orientation is acquired early in life. –Most of us get our values from the previous generation. – Value orientation is subject to reinforcement.

Values Sexual values are embedded within other values 1.Human Nature Do you believe people are basically evil? Good? Mixture of the two? 2.Nature and the Use of Technology Subjugation to nature? Living in harmony with nature? Mastery over nature?

Values Sexual values are embedded within other values 3. Time Future, present, or past dominant? 4. Human Activity Being, being-in-becoming, or doing orientation? 5. Human Relationships Family, group or individual orientation?

Norms for the Sexual Attitudes and Values Scale

Sexual Ethics Ethics –A set of moral principles for determining behavior –You participate in ethical decision making everyday –How cognitively aware are you of those decisions? –Reflection is central to deciding a right course of behavior.

Sexual Ethics The Role of Authority in Ethical Decision Making –Authoritarian approach assumes that when we make choices about what to do we can rely on a normative standard derived from an authority higher than the individual. –There is a single right behavior.

The Ten Commandments

Sexual Ethics The Role of Authority in Ethical Decision Making –Situational approach assumes no such outside authority; while they may take into account tradition wisdom collected over generations, the responsibility for making ethically sound decisions rests squarely with the individual. –Uncertainty is an essential ingredient.

The Role of Authority in Decision Making

Ethics and Sexual Values The Ethical Permissibility of Sex Acts –Procreationist assumes procreation is the primary function of sexuality and that human reproduction is the primary basis for ethical sexuality. –Recreationist assumes that anything that gives a person pleasure is inherently good. –Naturalist assumes that procreations, pleasure, love, and intimacy are all valid reasons for engaging in sex.

The Ethical Permissibility of Different Sex Acts

Ethics and Sexual Values Belliotti’s Five Tiers of Sexual Morality

Sexual Decision Making Male/Female Differences in Decision Making –Feminist Theory –Social Learning Theory –Evolutionary Theory –Error management Theory Men tend to overestimate women’s sexual intent Women tend to underestimate men’s sexual intent Women’s sexual behavior is more often contrary to their general values and attitudes than is men’s.

Sexual Decision Making How to Make Good Decisions –It Can’t Happen to Me Illusion of unique invulnerability –Alcohol and Sexual Choices Removes the inhibitions that prevented you from acting on your existing desires Reduces people’s self-awareness Leads to alcohol myopia –Loss of Self-Control Ability to monitor your behavior Impacted by alcohol, arousal, being tired, stress

Sexual Decision Making Choosing the Wrong Mate –In modern society, most people marry for love –Deciding to get married during the state of passionate love is not unlike making a binding career decision or financial investment while seriously intoxicated. It impairs decision: Being wildly in love makes people see their partner in an idealized, unrealistic manner Passionate love may change your partner Some people marry in order to preserve the feeling.

Sexual Decision Making Choosing the Wrong Mate –Ending a Relationship Passionate love makes it hard to decide against continuing a relationship. –Self-Esteem, Narcissism, and Depression Some people believe that loving yourself is a first step toward being able to love others A milder form of self-love is self-acceptance –Guilt and Shame Shame is destructive; Guilt is constructive

Sexual Decision Making Choosing the Wrong Mate –I Love You Just the Way You Are Popular theme: Flawed man is transformed into a better person through the love of a good woman. –Testosterone and Commitment High levels of testosterone are likely to make men both an appealing, exciting, sexy partner and a poor prospect for a long-term mate –Weighing Good versus Bad Bad is stronger than good The amount of love and affection is less relevant than the amount of conflict, negativity, and bad feelings.

What’s Right For You? Is sex for fun, or does it have a special meaning beyond pleasure and physical gratification? Is sex a way of saying “I like and enjoy being with you” or a commitment to future involvement? Does sex mean “I love you and want to be with you right now” or “I want to be with you forever”? Is sex a sacred act that means lifelong commitment, regardless of the difficulties that arise?