Understanding Bullying: Parent & Carer Workshop Nikki Giant, Full Circle Education

Who Are Full Circle?

“Bullying is generally considered to be deliberate, hurtful behaviour, repeated over a period of time, where a sense of powerlessness can make it difficult for the victim to defend him or herself. Bullying can occur in four main ways: physical, verbal, cyber or indirect.” Physical (e.g. hitting, kicking, theft) Verbal (e.g. name calling, racist remarks) Indirect (e.g. spreading rumours, excluding someone) Cyber Bullying (e.g. bullying by text message, , online) What is Bullying?

Bullying v’s Conflict BULLYING Repeated, hurtful behaviour. Deliberate Imbalance of power No remorse No effort to solve the problem CONFLICT Happens occasionally Accidental Equal power Remorseful Effort to solve the problem

The Bullying Cycle

ChildLine suggests that the following signs may be indicative of a child being bullied: Feeling irritable, easily upset or particularly emotional. Coming home with damaged or missing clothes or possessions, without money they should have, or with scratches and bruises. Having trouble with school work for no apparent reason. Using a different route between home and school; asking to be taken to or picked up from school for no apparent reason. Headaches, stomach aches and perpetuated complaints of illness. Supporting Your Child

Calmly talk with your child about his/her experience Make a note of what your child says, particularly who was said to be involved; how often the bullying has occurred; where it happened and what has happened Reassure your child that he/she has done he right thing to tell you about the bullying Explain to your child that should any further incidents occur he/she should report them to a teacher immediately Make an appointment to see your child's class teacher Explain to the teacher the problems your child is experiencing Supporting Your Child

“Telling someone makes it worse.” Be calm, and listen. Parents becoming angry and upset or confronting the bully or their parents is quite often what a child is afraid of most. “There’s nothing you can do about bullying.” Be someone to tell – be open, discuss it with your child, make sure they understand bullying isn’t acceptable and you can help. “People having a fight or falling out – that’s bullying.” It’s not. Make sure your child knows the difference between conflict and bullying. “If someone hits you, hit them back.” An eye for an eye perpetuates bullying behaviour and conflict. Although it may seem fair or a way to make a child stand up for themselves, hitting back makes a child a bully too. Supporting Your Child

Your child’s school must have an Anti-Bullying Policy in place; this is to allow all pupils, staff, parents and governors to be aware of their responsibilities and the schools’ practices with regards to addressing anti-bullying. Anti-bullying is addressed in the curriculum through PSHE lessons (Personal, Social, Health Education), as well as through school assemblies and through other subjects, as appropriate. Your child can report an incident of bullying to any member of staff; each school has systems in place to record any incident reported and follow it up appropriately. Anti-Bullying in School

Stopping Bullying Promoting Positive Relationships Focus on tackling bullying, punishing bullies and encouraging victims to speak out Focus on creating a positive relationship with self & others; creating an atmosphere of respect & safety

Teasing, Rough Play & Bullying Teasing and rough play are innocent in motive No intent to harm the other person Is discontinued when person being teased becomes upset or objects to the teasing, or when a person becomes uncomfortable in rough play Teaser and person being teased easily swap roles – balance of power Free to participate versus forced or challenged full force Alternating versus unilateral roles e.g. being chased and being the chaser Children stay together after the rough play has ended – as opposed to removing themselves from the situation of bullying or conflict Children play fighting should look as though they are playing a role, or enjoying the game Teasing / Rough Play Bullying

Strategies for Children Several Times On Purpose Start Telling Other People

E-Safety & Cyber Bullying 73% of children and young people aged 5-16 own their own computer, 63% have a portable device (e.g. iPhone), 51% have a laptop, only 22% have a desktop PC 44% of children aged 5-10 and 96% of children aged own a mobile phone Only 2% of children and young people aged 7-16 had never accessed the Internet 63% of children and young people aged 9-16 report having a profile on Facebook. Amongst 9-12 year olds, who are too young to officially have their own Facebook account, 36% report having a profile In 2012, 30% of children and young people aged 7-16 who use the internet reported knowing someone who had nasty, unkind or untrue comments posted about them on social media. (UKCCIS/ChildWise, 2012)

E-Safety & Cyber Bullying 85% of parents trust their child to use the internet safely (ChildWise, 2013) Only 34% of parents whose children are aged are likely to be concerned about internet content (Ofcom, 2010) 81% of smartphone users have their phone switched on all of the time, even when they are in bed, with 40% of teens admitting to using their smartphone after it woke them (Ofcom, 2011) PARENTS Mostly & web for research, shopping, etc YOUNG PEOPLE Social Media, Interactive chat, Music, Games, YouTube Different Usage

E-Safety & Cyber Bullying Supervision IN SCHOOL Supervised, filtered & monitored OUT OF SCHOOL Often no supervision, filtering or monitoring 30% of students report having received no lessons at all on using the internet. 79% of young people use the internet privately without their parent’s supervision

73% of online adverts are not clearly labelled making it difficult for children and adults to recognise them 57% of 9-19 yr olds have come into contact with online pornography accidentally. 4 in 10 pupils aged 9-19 trust most of the information on the internet. 1/3 of young people have received unwanted sexual or nasty comments online. Only 7% of parents think their child has received such comments. ContentContactCommerce  Inaccurate and harmful  Adult content  Illegal content  Inappropriate contact  Cyberbullying  Sex offenders  Privacy  Advertising & information  Invasive software Potential Risks Online

Commercial Risks 20% of children claim they mustn’t fill in online forms, compared with 57% of parents who do not allow it.

Content Viewed  Inaccurate content  Extreme material  Pornography 4 in 10 pupils aged 9-19 trust most of the information on the internet What Kids Say 57% of 9-19 yr olds have come into contact with online pornography. Only 16% of parents think that their child has seen pornography on the internet.

Contact Risks  Social networking sites  Instant messaging (eg WhatsApp)  Multi-user online games  Chat rooms  Chat facilities on social media, e.g. Facebook 49% of kids say that they have given out personal information 5% of parents think their child has given out such information What Kids Say

Threats Hacking Manipulation Stalking Public postings Exclusion Prejudice What Is Cyber Bullying?

Threats and intimidation Threats sent to people by mobile phone, , or online. Harassment or stalking Repeated, prolonged, unwanted contact or monitoring of another person. Vilification / defamation / prejudice-based bullying These may be general insults or racist, homophobic or sexist bullying. Ostracising / peer rejection / exclusion Set up of a closed group refusing to acknowledge one user on purpose. Identity theft, unauthorised access and impersonation ‘Hacking’ by finding out or guessing a username and password. Publicly posting, sending or forwarding information or images Disclosing information on a website. Manipulation May involve getting people to act or talk in a provocative way.

Differences – Cyber vs Traditional 24/7 contact No escape at home Impact Massive potential audience reached rapidly. Potentially stay online forever Perception of anonymity More likely to say things online Profile of target/bully Physical intimidation changed Some cases are unintentional Bystander effect Evidence Inherent reporting proof

Advice for Parents Be careful about denying access to the technology Understand the tools Discuss cyber bullying with your children - always respect others - treat your passwords with care - block/delete contacts & save conversations - don’t reply/retaliate - save evidence - make sure you tell Report the cyberbullying - school - service provider - Police

Mobile Phone Advice Know how your child’s phone works (e.g. Bluetooth, Internet access) Agree the type of content that you would be happy for them to download, knowingly receive or send on to others Save any abusive messages/inappropriate images for evidence purposes Decide together what are acceptable bills Encourage balanced use – switching off at mealtimes, bedtime. Keep track of the apps your child has installed – e.g. messaging apps that won’t show up on your bill (Kik, Whatsapp) Put restrictions in place on your child’s phone (e.g. for explicit content, location services, websites)

What Else Can You Do? Install software to protect your computer’s security Be careful which sites the rest of the family visit Use a family address for shopping and online forms Talk to your children about what to do if they do come across something unpleasant and teach them to be critical Use child-friendly search engines or set a search filter Encourage them to use browser tools – Bookmarks & History Install filtering but don’t rely on it Find appropriate sites to visit and try not to overreact inappropriate content can be viewed accidentally

What Else Can You Do? Get involved with your children online and encourage balanced use – set time limits Make sure they know who to talk to if they feel uncomfortable Talk about the consequences of giving out personal info or making information public Keep the computer in a family room Agree rules as a family – meeting up

More Resources?

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