Listening

A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he gets to know something. The forgotten art of communication; no one teaches us to listen. Used the most; 45% of communication Speech is a joint game between the talker and the listener against the forces of confusion. Unless both make efforts, interpersonal communication is quite hopeless. Listening is not the same as hearing. It is a learned skill; an active process.

Listening People only 25% efficient as a listener. Past experience filters can make a listener become anxious to hear something that fulfils his / her wishes or desires. When we form an opinion on the level and value of what is being said, we label the info. ahead of time as unimportant, too boring, too complex, or nothing new. Experiencing high emotions, positive or negative, usually interferes with listening ability.

Active Listening Prepare to listen Listen for meaning Interpret the message Check for understanding (paraphrase / rephrase) Reflect the feelings Draw the speaker out: open ended questions Clarify as necessary Test the unsaid: sometimes the real issue has not been spoken – ask questions

Listening Because of negative experience we had with a person we are communicating with: The negative past experiences are subconsciously held in our mind. Results in biased listening Get emotionally involved Certain times of the day we have more energy Fatigue is a factor in listening When we have other problems we cannot concentrate. In proper listening we don’t have to go back and correct mistakes or clean up misunderstood communications

Listening improves ability to: Understand other’s thinking Build on other’s ideas Reach agreement Keep on subject and run shorter meetings! Avoid going back on the same subject frequently Get accurate information from others Get along better with other people Information is power. Effective listeners are able to concentrate and find the most valid info. in whatever they hear.

Listening Reading may depend so completely upon listening as to appear to be a special extension of listening: What child does not read a selection better after listening and talking about it? The ability to listen seems to set limits on the ability to read. “I like my boss; he listens to me”. If I can listen to what he tells me, if I can understand how it seems to him, if I can see its personal meaning to him, if I can sense the emotional flavour which it has for him, then I will be releasing potent forces of change in him.

Active Listening To really hear what the speaker is saying: Suspend judgement till the information is in Expect to learn from the speaker Listen for intended meanings Keep eye contact with the speaker Use facial expressions to make contact with the speaker Take personal responsibility for understanding content and feeling of the speaker

Argument When you have an argument, use this rule: Each person can speak up for himself only after he has first restated the ideas and feelings of the previous speaker accurately and to the speaker’s satisfaction. Before presenting your own point of view, it would be necessary to achieve the speaker’s frame of reference. Your point of view will be drastically revised. You will also find the emotions going out of the discussion, the differences being reduced, and the remaining differences being of a rational and understandable sort.

Listening effectiveness ActivitiesTime SpentTraining Received Writing9%14 years Reading16%8 years Speaking30%1 year Listening45%No training

Speech is a joint game between the talker and the listener against the forces of confusion. Unless both make efforts, interpersonal communication is quite hopeless Nobert Weiner

You might not like that type of person. You might object to his appearance or mannerisms; but it is what is being said that counts, not who says it. Similarly, you may be so favourably impressed by some personalities that you take what thay say for granted, and fail to hone in on the meaning of their words

To be an effective listener you have to turn it from an unconscious activity to a conscious one. Physical distractions are easily dealt with. It is the mental distractions which has to be managed

Too much detail can turn off a listener’s mind. While it is good to subtly repeat your points to make them understood, to repeat them too often and too obviously is not good. People tend to talk at greater length than necessary.

It is difficult to suppress the emotional responses to another person’s words triggered by own attitudes and opinions --- difficult but necessary to good listening. To listen effectively, we have to guard against the tendency to exercise emotional censorship --- to blank out or skip ideas which we would rather not hear.

Average rate of speech is 125 words / minute. The average person thinks at 4 times faster. The mind darts ahead and off the track like a runaway horse. You anticipate what is going to be said instead of following what is beiing said in the present.

Listen more that with your ears. The look on the man’s face, his stance, his gestures, his pauses and his hesitations will tell you more about his real message than the words he is saying. Body language communicates his feelings besides his thinking.

Human nature makes us want to hear only what pleases us and to reject that which does not. We are therefore prone to listen carefully to ideas which accord with our own point of view, and to discount or mentally argue with those we find agreeable.

All this has been said before, but since nobody listened, it must be said again. Andre Gide