Positive Communication: Defusing Challenging Situations Presented by: MCPS Employee Assistance Program 240-314-1040

Outcomes Learn the STARR model for defusing challenging situations Understand the physiological impact of stress Know effective listening and speaking skills Experience stress management techniques to cope more effectively with conflict

Agenda Opening Understanding Conflict STARR Model Active Listening Skills Break Speaking Skills Closing

CONFLICT

What Do We Mean by Defusing?

Small Group Exercise How was conflict handled in your family? How was conflict defused?

STARR Power STOP and breathe THINK through your options ACT with positive communication RESPECT yourself and the other person REWARD take care of yourself

Stop Take a Deep Breath

Think Before You Act Is this important ? Are you ready to listen ? Are you labeling the person ? How would you feel if you were in the other person’s shoes ?

Act with Positive Communication Active Listening Skills combine listening and talking skills so that the other person feels understood

LISTEN SILENT

Pop Quiz Most of us are distracted about _____% of the time we think we are listening. Right after we listen to someone, we recall about ______% of what he or she has said. Long-term we recall ____% of what we hear. _____ % of our communication is conveyed non-verbally. *International Listening Association

Answers Most of us are distracted about _75% of the time we think we are listening. Right after we listen to someone, we recall about _50% of what he or she has said. Long-term, we recall 20% of what we hear. 70% of our communication is conveyed non-verbally *International Listening Association

Listening Exercise

Active Listening Skills Body Language Door Openers Paraphrasing Reflecting Summarizing

BREAK

How do you start the conversation ? You know, the conversations you worry about and put off?

“I” Messages vs “You” Messages I hear . . . I feel . . . I assume . . . I want . . . I need . . . I don’t understand Do you mean . . .? Why did you…? You always or never . . . Yea, but you . . . It’s your fault! How come you…? You made me angry

Use “I” Messages I feel or think ___________________ when __________________________ because _________________________. I feel frustrated when plans are made without checking with me because I may have something else I want to do.

“You” Statements 1. Why did you cut me off in the meeting? 2. You are always asking me do extra projects and are making me fall behind. 3. You complain about every little thing I do and never seem satisfied with my work. 4. You make me so mad because you never do anything around the house to help me.

Red Flag Why, but Problem, You have to You should have done X earlier, Unfortunately, there is really nothing I can do What they told you was incorrect

The Top Ten Things to Say to Make an Angry Person Angrier Calm down. That's not my problem. You're too sensitive. Just shut up for a minute. You’ve got to be kidding! I just have to think of myself right now. Don’t you think you’re overreacting? You’re making a big deal out of nothing. That’s what YOU think! Like YOU’RE perfect!

Stick to the Facts Focus on the issue Be specific about what you have observed Describe behaviors, not personal characteristics

Green Flag “Is this a good time for you?” What, how Let’s, we I am sorry/ I apologize… Let me find someone who .

Respect Yourself and the Other Person

Reward! Yourself . . .

DEEP BREATHING

Stress Squares Color Key ` More Relaxed Less Relaxed

MCPS EAP Assessment, short term counseling, and referral Confidentiality/records Other services: workshops, crisis response Access point for mediation

Alternative Dispute Resolution Mediation as an option CRCMC MCPS Dispute Resolution Program

Thanks for coming! For more information about the EAP, contact us at 240-314-1040 or visit our website at www.montgomeryschoolsmd.org/departments/eap

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