Changing Our Self- Talk: Identifying the Lies We Believe and Replacing Them With Truth Sue Bohlin

Changing Our Self-Talk §Self talk: the old, destructive tapes that run in our heads §Where do they come from? l Parents l Classmates l Shaping forces of the media l Satan l What we tell ourselves

Changing Our Self-Talk §Not psycho-babble §As a man thinks within his heart, so is he. Prov. 23:7 §Spiritual warfare l Satan is the accuser of the brethren l Lies and schemes

Changing Our Self-Talk §What to do: §Identify your tapes. “Lord, show me where I’m being deceived.” §Stop the tape player in your head. §Replace the lies with the truth from the Word. Be transformed by the renewing of your mind – Rom. 12:2 Biblical change: put off/put on -- Eph. 4:22-24

Lies/Misbeliefs Truth “It is not safe or good to be a female/male” §God chose your gender and it was good §The Lord Himself is our protector: l Psalm 3:3 l Psalm 18:2

Lies/Misbeliefs Truth “I don’t belong in the world of men/women.” §You do belong, simply because that’s who you are. §God’s plan is for others to show us how to be a man or a woman.

Lies/Misbeliefs Truth “I desperately need the intense connection of same-sex relationships.” §Janell Hallman

Janelle Hallman “Emotional Dependency is when a woman posits her identity and well-being in another woman. So she says, unconsciously, ‘My well-being depends on my connection with you. If our connection or relationship is constant, warm, secure and loving, I feel OK. If the connection is threatened in any way, I am in crisis. I am not OK.’

“I want you to hear these words at a different level. Consider a little baby. A little baby can say these words: ‘If my connection with you, mom, is threatened in any way, I am in crisis. If I'm separated from you, I may even die.’ That's what's coming out in these relationships--an incredible need to feel this warm attachment and connection.

“It's not about sex for the women. The women just want to be held. They want to rest in another woman's arms; they want to suckle at a breast. They want to gaze into the eyes of a woman like a baby would her mother. Now naturally, these kinds of behaviors become sexual for adult women. But it's not about sex, and most of my clients say, ‘I don't CARE about the sex! I just want to be held, and I don't want to be alone.’

“However, in these relationships you can imagine the volatility and the ups and downs, because no human being can provide a totally safe, secure, warm connection all the time. So what happens in these relationships is, as those threats emerge, a woman will actually begin to panic: ‘I'm losing you. I'm losing this connection.’

“So they'll hold on even tighter, and what happens is, the other woman begins to feel suffocated. And she has to back away, and then that causes the other one to panic more. To the point where one of the women finally leaves the relationship. The remaining woman is in a state of absolute isolation and loneliness, and a place of panic.

“It is going to be incredibly hard to end a lesbian relationship. It will feel like death. There is something emotional that probably reaches close to death. It will take time. There will be falls. It will be a long process, and they need compassion and support and understanding.”

Lies/Misbeliefs Truth “I desperately need the intense connection of same-sex relationships.” §Janell Hallman §El Shaddai: “The Breasted One” §God made us for community: enveloped by the Trinity

Lies/Misbeliefs Truth “I can’t live without sex.” §Our bodies are fearfully and wonderfully made §Sex is not a need §Ps. 84:11 “He withholds no good thing from those who walk uprightly.”

Lies/Misbeliefs Truth “He/she understands me like no one else does.” §Jesus understands you like no one else does. §It’s infatuation. §Intensity is a poor counterfeit for true intimacy.

Lies/Misbeliefs Truth “I’ll just give in this last time so I can get some sleep.” §You are deepening the grooves in your brain with every M experience. §Every experience increases the slavery. §It’s not the last time. §You are being deceived.

Lies/Misbeliefs Truth “No one will find out.” §“Be sure your sins will find you out.” Num. 32:23 §"For nothing is hidden, except to be revealed; nor has anything been secret, but that it would come to light.” Mark 4:22

Lies/Misbeliefs Truth “ The sexual abuse I experienced was my fault.” §3x in Song of Solomon: “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” §Hebrew word for incest is “confusion.”

Lies/Misbeliefs Truth “God doesn’t like me.” §Zeph. 3:17 – He will take great delight in me, He will quiet me with His love, He will rejoice over me with singing. §Is. 43:4 –I am precious and honored in His sight, and He loves me.

Lies/Misbeliefs Truth “ If I mess up, that would be the end of the world. I have to be perfect.” §Only God is perfect §He has promised to hold my hand when I stumble. l Psalm 18:35 l Psalm 73:23 §I am longing for Eden

Lies/Misbeliefs Truth “Because I have __________, or because __________ happened to me, I am unacceptable.” §Eph. 1:6 -- I am accepted in the Beloved.(KJV) §Rom. 14:3 -- The Father has accepted me. §Rom. 15:7 -- Christ has accepted me. §Not only am I accepted AND acceptable, but God delights to use the very thing I am ashamed of!

Lies/Misbeliefs Truth “I am damaged goods--I have scars.” §My scars are trophies of God’s grace! §Jacob’s limp §We will worship Jesus’ scars in heaven. Scars will be beautiful in heaven!

Lies/Misbeliefs Truth “This pain will never go away. I will be hounded forever.” I have a finite number of tears inside me, which God is collecting in a bottle as I cry. (Ps. 56:8)

Lies/Misbeliefs Truth “I just cannot resist temptation— it’s too hard.” §1 Cor. 10:13 -- God is faithful to provide a way of escape. §Eph. 2:6 -- I am seated in the heavenlies. What a great place from which to let Jesus battle my temptations!