0 Berghmans Lhoist Chaired Professor in Entrepreneurial Leadership Founding Director, Wendel International Centre for Family Enterprise INSEAD - Europe and Asia Randel Carlock Exploring and Strengthening Your Family Communication

Effective communication is listening to create a dialogue between two or more persons with a goal of sharing information. The communication process is completed when the receiver has understood the sender’s message through feedback. What is Communication? The Basis of All Relationships Communication is when one person affects another; it includes all human behavior.

Exercise: Family Communication Questionnaire Listed below are a series of statements that represent possible feelings that individuals might have about their family. Based on your feelings about your family, please indicate your degree of agreement or disagreement with each statement by using one of the five response choices below to rate each statement. Total your points as a tool for discussing family communications. RESPONSE CHOICES For each of the following statements, choose the number that best describes your family: _____1.Family members are satisfied with how we communicate with each other. _____2.Family members are good listeners. _____3.Family members express affection to each other. _____4.Family members talk about important issues. _____5.When angry, family members avoid saying things that would be better left unsaid. _____6.Family members discuss their beliefs and ideas with each other. _____7.When family members ask questions of each other, we get honest answers. _____8.Family members try to understand each other’s feelings. _____9.Family members calmly discuss problems with each other. _____10.We express our true feelings to each other _____ Total Points 1 DOES NOT describe our family at all 2 SLIGHTLY describes our family 3 SOMEWHAT describes our Family 4 GENERALLY describes our family 5 VERY WELL describes our family © 1996 D. H. Olson. Family Social Science. University of Minnesota. Modified 1999 by Randel S. Carlock

Family Communication Assessment Scoring Family Communications Effectiveness Rating Communications Score Very High50-44 High43-38 Moderate37-33 Low32-29 Very Low28-15

Extended Family Financial Environment Work/career/v ocation Community/so ciety Marriage/ partnership Friends Positive Interpersonal Relationships Make a Happy Life Happiness Dimensions of a Life Financial Environment Spiritual Growth & learning Health & fitness Spiritual Growth & learning Health & fitness Next generation Extended Family Work/career/ vocation Community/s ociety Marriage/ partnership Friends Relationship Dimensions of a Life Next generation

Communication is not Easy for many Reasons Encoding message Sending the message Our careers are going well and I think we need a new car! Decoding message I agree! A new car will be great for our family! Sending the message Encoding message

Confrontational listening Engaged but thinking of rebuttals, your ideas and point of view etc. Deep listening Outside of yourself, aware of both content and meaning, hearing with your 3 rd ear Active listening Very focused on what the other person, reflecting their ideas, words and thinking Conversational listening Casual listening, not deeply engaged, appearing interested Engaging in several tasks including text And conversation Multi task listening Communications Skill One Deeper Levels of Listening

Communications Skill Two Deep Listening Means Deep Respect Respect and Valuing the Relationship Effectiveness High Low Lack of respect for Feelings of others Somewhat respectful of others feelings Consistently respectful of other’s feelings

Communications Skill Three Demonstrating Reflective or Active Listening Reflective Listening Effectiveness HighLow Seldom reflects ideas Sometimes reflects ideas Often reflects ideas Reflective listening starts with hearing not speaking Reflective listening demonstrates hearing and empathy Reflective listening means refusing to think for the other Reflective listening is learning to discover the other person’s inner qualities

Values based (I believe) Self disclosure (I am sad) Demonstrated commitment to relationships (I need you) Strengthens family relationships based on trust (I am hurt) Key activity for problem-solving (I can help) Communications Skill Four Self-disclosure and “I” Statements Effectiveness High Low Moderate sharing of feelings High sharing of feelings Low sharing of feelings “I” Statements Speaks mainly for oneself Speaks for oneself more than for others Often speaks for others Self-disclosure

Thank you for Listening Listening may be the most beautiful gift that we can give someone, it is like telling the other person: You are important to me, you are interesting, I am happy that you are here