Journal “No one cares to speak to an unwilling listener. An arrow never lodges in a stone: often it recoils upon the sender of it.” How often are you not listening? How can you listen more effectively? Listening Skills – Self Evaluation grp.com/programs/evaluations/listening.htm Listening

The Wright Family Story Sit in a circle, Indian style. Each person takes one piece of candy. You will pass it to the person to your right or left any time you hear the word right or left in the story.

When the listener mirrors back the thoughts and/or feelings the speaker is experiencing.  “Are you saying …”  “You seem …” If the listener if wrong then the speaker can restate in a different way. Reflective Listening

Listening Blocks I must defend my position. I’m looking for an entrance into the conversation. I don’t have time to listen to you. I already know what you have to say. I know what you should do.

Active Listening Ask questions, not with yes, no or one word answers. Use appropriate eye contact. Not if understand or ask for clarification. Don’t cross arms or legs or lean back. Lean slightly forward. Facial expressions and tone of voice. Be honest and sincere.

Active Listening Open-ended questions  Closed: Are you feeling bad today?  Open: How are you feeling today? Reflection (paraphrasing)

Effective Listening Skills 1.Stop talking and listen. 2.Help the other person feel free to speak– look like you are interested in what he has to say. 3.Go to an appropriate environment to talk— not in the middle of a noisy gymnasium. 4.Remove distractions such as the television or radio. 5.Let the person finish what she is saying before you begin to talk – do not finish sentences for her. 6.Do not offer advice unless it is asked for. 7.Ask questions to the person. This shows that you have been listening and are interested in what is being said.

8.Ask questions that cannot be answered with one word. 9.Listen with appropriate body language – nods, hand gestures, etc. 10.Do not yawn or lean back – act as if you are interested. 11.Be honest and sincere, but not critical and sarcastic. 12.Remember, people react to what is said as follows: 1.65% to facial 2.38% to tone of voice 3.7% to words 13.Sit or stand near the person to whom you are speaking. 14.Maintain eye contact. 15.Give appropriate feedback.

Practice Pair up – one speaker, one listener Interview partner for 4 min. Interviewers job is to encourage partner to share information and feelings by using non- verbal signals and active listening. Interviewer needs to find out where person was born, favorite subject in school, have they ever cheated on a test, and feelings about premarital sex. Switch roles. New interviewer needs to find out how many siblings they have, hobby, have they ever stolen anything, and philosophy of kissing.

Evaluation Each person report the results of their interview. Evaluate your listening skills.  Were you distracted while listening?  Did you feel heard by your partner?  How did you feel in each role?  Do you feel like you know your partner better after this activity? Was there anything you noticed during this activity that made you feel your partner was or wasn’t listening to you?

How Well Do You Listen? Write down the number that best describes how well you listen?

1.Listen more than I talk12345I talk more than I listen 2.I learn about the other person12345I talk about myself 3.I use good eye contact12345I don’t use eye contact 4.I mostly use the word “you” 12345I mostly us the word “we” 5.I give too much advice12345I try not to give advice 6.I ask complicated questions 12345I ask simple question 7.I give positive comments12345I give negative comments 8.I enjoy silence12345I don’t like silence 9.I lean forward to listen12345I slouch when listening 10.I use humor when things are tense 12345I don’t know what to do when things are tense 11.I try to see how others see 12345I must defend how I feel 12.I wait until someone is finished 12345I tend to interrupt or speaking before I speakfinish other’s sentences

As you look back over your checklist, do you have more of one number than others. Are you number spread out? Are there more 4 and 5, or more 1 and 2? Good listeners should have circled mostly 5’s. These are the positive ways of listening. How could you improve your listening skills?

Listening Skills – Self Evaluation grp.com/programs/evaluations/ listening.htm grp.com/programs/evaluations/ listening.htm Take this quiz and be copy of result for ex-credit.