Resiliency: Fostering Self-Reliance and Self-Esteem in the Developing Child Presented by Kristy Csensich & Kristopher Miller May 6 th, 2013

"Children suffer when they are teased or excluded or have a fight with a friend--and parents suffer emphatically right along with them. Our job is to bear that pain and also to put it in perspective. After all, we lived through cliques and betrayals and heartaches, and our children will too. Of course, there are things we can do to ease the pain--theirs and ours--but our first job is to take a deep breath and trust in children's resilience and in the process of human development." -Michael Thompson, Ph.D

Why resiliency?

What is resiliency? The ability to manage and adapt to life’s challenges and move forward with hope and optimism. The human capacity to face, overcome and be strengthened by or transformed by the adversities of life.

Cultural Understanding "The concept of resilience is relatively new for describing the behavior of people. Some languages do not have a word for it. Castillano (Spanish), for example, has no comparable use of the word ‘resilience’, but instead, uses the term, la defensa ante la adversidad (defence against adversity). The same idea can be described by using another word or term. Most people around the world understand the idea of overcoming adversity with courage, skills and faith." - International Resilience Project

Why is resiliency important for our children ? Table Discussion

Table Activity What is the relationship? Resiliency Self-Reliance Independence Self-Esteem

School A to Z: Building Your Child's Resilience

How to help develop resiliency in your child: allow for self-reliance/independence allow children to work through their problems discuss problems with your children provide support for your children at different levels (discussion, additional contacts, etc.) encourage children to become increasingly autonomous, independent, responsible, empathetic, and altruistic provide opportunities for the child to practice dealing with problems and adversities through exposure to manageable adversities; provide guidance in the process, drawing on appropriate resilience factors teach them how to communicate with others, solve problems, and successfully handle negative thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. praise accomplishments and desired behaviors -The International Resilience Project

Situation Your third grader comes home and tells you, "This 5th grader keeps bothering me. He annoys me and sometimes plays with my stuff on the bus and steals balls from me and other kids on the playground. I tell him to stop and he does for a while and then he starts again."

Language of Resilience I AM. I HAVE. I CAN.

I AM Lovable Loving, kind, and good Proud of myself Responsible and Filled with hope, faith, and trust

I HAVE Trusting relationships Structure and rules that I know Role models Encouragement to be autonomous Access to support at school, home, etc.

I CAN Communicate Problem solve Manage my feelings and impulses Gauge the temperament of myself and others Seek trusting relationships

How can we use the language of resilience to help our children? Your third grader comes home and tells you, "This 5th grader keeps bothering me. He annoys me and sometimes plays with my stuff on the bus and steals balls from me and other kids on the playground. I tell him to stop and he does for a while and then he starts again."

Final Thoughts or Questions? Thanks for joining us!