Conflict Resolution Ralph Whalen & Parents October 2, 2009
Goals for the Meeting Parents will learn one idea that will help them with conflict resolution. Parents will connect with each other. We will learn from each other.
Meeting Format Conflict examples TQ: Examples and questions Grade 4 guidance TQ: What has worked for you when your kids come to you? Conflicts at home Family meetings DQ: Could you adapt this? General questions and handouts 9:40 Evaluation Next meeting
Kids’ Conflicts in 2009 Home Bro calls me names Sis annoys me Bro takes my things S/he mad when I use his/her things “I was here first” Disagree where to eat Disagree what to eat Mom says “no” Playground Other team unfair Goal or not Not want to be “it” Disagree with leader People not let me play Everyone wants to be leader Other Places Teased about name Teased about how I look Gossiped about Someone cuts in line Disagree with a friend
Conflicts Kids See in 2009 Playground Two kids argue Argue goal or not Friend teased Who gets soccer nets Bully pick on my friend Heard, “I don’t want to be your friend” Home 2 brothers fight over computer Cousins fight about what to do Parents disagree
Examples of Conflict Introduce yourself What examples of conflict have you seen regarding your children? What questions do you want answered?
Conflict Reaction Options Passive Give In You win, I lose Aggressive Get your way I win, You lose. Assertive Stand up for your rights, but think of rights of others I win, You win.
Video Clip Just the Two of Us
Solving a Conflict Quiet Down Quiet Place Talk and Listen Use “I” Messages
“I” Message I feel ________ When/Because __ I would like _____
How We Handle School Conflicts Listen to the feeling Help develop options Give hope, have faith Get kids together maybe Check back If serious, VLP
Child Reports Conflict to You Listen to the feeling Have faith in your child to work it out Contact the teacher or counselor maybe DON’T call the other child’s parent Monitor (but not daily)
Group Question What has worked for you when your child comes home talking about a conflict?
Sibling Conflict Levels Level 1 Normal bickering Level 2 Adult intervention helpful Level 3 Possibly dangerous Level 4 Definitely dangerous
Sibling Conflicts: Key Points Sibling shenanigans Kids learn important skills Need to learn to share parents Equal vs. fair Various reasons How to tell if you're Mom's favorite
Sibling Conflict: What To Do Get kids calm Don’t take sides Teach Model
Parent/Child Conflicts Quiet down Talk later Family meeting Choose your battles Not = relationship Reasonable expectations Disrespect vs. frustration
Major Conflicts When to get help Conflict disorders See someone at TAS Community Service Center
Group Question What has helped you in solving conflicts that happen at home?
What Is a Family Meeting? Regular time together Celebrate (catch being good) Talk about family business Build memories
Why Have Family Meetings? Provides a set time to discuss important business Time when everyone is calm Provides stability & connects the family Provides leadership opportunities
Family Meetings: Nuts and Bolts Regular agreed upon schedule Agenda posted Rotate leadership Everyone share success & challenge Celebrate with food
Family Meetings: Parts Feel Good About, Compliments Bothering Me, Low Point Agenda, Including Calendar Celebrate, Money
Reducing Number of Conflicts Set boundaries & have rules Own toys, own space, own time Anticipate problems Teach eldest Don’t compare kids
Discussion Question Have you ever been involved in family meetings? What do you think would work for your family?
General Questions & Handouts
Additional Resources Siblings Without Rivalry How to Talk So Kids Will Listen
Book Group Option Book is Ordered Room is reserved Space is limited Let me know what day does not work for you
Next Seminars/ Announcements Social Skills: Tuesday, Oct. 6 Please complete the evaluation