1 Understanding and Expressing Anger Nurturing Parenting Section 10.4 GOAL To Identify Appropriate Ways To Express Anger.

2 OBJECTIVES To Increase Parents’ Ability to Express Anger. To Develop Alternatives to Release Anger. To Become Aware of How Anger Influences Others

3 For the next hour we will focus on recognizing and expressing anger. Anger is a feeling of discomfort. Anger is the expression of past pain/hurt. Anger is necessary for people to express so they do not carry around past hurt/pain.

4 Hurt and anger are related feelings of discomfort. When people do not express their pain/hurt when it occurs, the pain stays inside. When it comes out, it comes out as anger.

5 Some Points About Anger a. Anger is not a bad feeling. It is how it is expressed that makes it bad. b. Anger is yesterday’s hurt/pain. When people express their pain/hurt when it occurs, less anger gets built up and stored inside. c. Children do not learn how to express appropriately. Consequently they struggle with anger all their lives.

6 Some Points About Anger (cont.) d. Rage is anger that has taken over any form of logical thinking. Hence people act “out of control.” e. Children and adults watch models displayed on TV of adults who are angry doing violent things. Since behavior is partially learned through observation, the more we model violence, the more violence will be a social problem.

7 Expressing Angry Energy a. Every feeling has energy and the energy needs expressing. b. When we are in love, we date, write love letters, think about our loved one. c. When we are sad, we cry. d. When we are happy, we smile and laugh.

8 Expressing Angry Energy(cont.) d. These behaviors are ways of letting out the energy of each of these feelings. e. If we don’t let out the energy, it builds up inside. Like a volcano, when anger builds up, people explode and raw emotion takes over logical thinking. f. Hence people are “out of control.”

9 The Goal is to Express the Anger Energy Before it Reaches Volcanic Proportions!!!

10 Understanding Anger a. There really isn’t any way to avoid anger in life. b. People minimize anger by expressing their hurt when it occurs, but it is not realistic all the time to do this. c. Hence, anger will occur. d. But what parents can do is express their anger in such a manner that children will observe appropriate models.

11 Expressing Anger Brainstorm ways anger energy can be physically released Some examples include: jogging, exercise, sit-ups, etc. Yelling and creaming are also ways to release energy in the privacy of a room. These may be good anger release strategies for some. Out in the open, yelling and screaming would not be a good strategy!

12 Each Parent Fill in the Following: One way I express my anger is ________.

13 What do you like and dislike about the way you and/or your children express their anger? Each parent fill in the blank: One way my children express their anger is _____________.

14 Teach Children How to Express Their Anger Telling children not to express their anger is not a good idea. Teaching them how to express their anger is good, otherwise it will build up inside. Three rues about expressing anger: Don’t hurt yourself – respect yourself. Don’t hurt others – respect others. Don’t hurt your environment – respect the places around you.

15 Teach Children How to Express Their Anger (cont) Fights, graffiti, gang murders, suicide, drug use are examples of anger hurting self, others and the environment. Telling children to express their anger energy by hitting something only associates anger with violence. Hitting something easily transfers to hitting someone!

16 Express Anger Appropriately To express anger appropriately parents have to model and teach their children a two-step process: Express their Anger Energy. Talk About What Happened. A lot of people can talk and let their anger energy out at the same time. The talking serves as an energy release. However, the more energy there is, the louder the talk may be.

17 Other Strategies to Release Anger Writing your angry thoughts down in a letter, but not mailing it. Keeping a journal of feelings where all feelings are kept. Having a discussion with the person imaging they are in front of you. Tape recording your thoughts, then listening to them a little later to gain understanding of your anger.

18 Being Angry at Your Children Hitting children because parents are angry with them is never a good idea!!! Other forms of punishment like time- out, being grounded, or loss of privilege are better ways to manage angry feelings toward children.