WVASFAA 1

2 How to be a Conflict Survivor WVASFAA FALL 2015 CONFERENCE

WVASFAA 3 Conflict Survival  We all have conflict!  With supervisors  With co-workers  With Students  With PARENTS

Why Is Conflict an Issue? We all deal with it! It can be disruptive to our personal and professional lives It can be disruptive to our co-workers and work places

Why Is Conflict an Issue? ONE interpersonal interaction can be the difference between someone remaining at a school or dropping/ withdrawing

How Can We Survive Conflict? Understand Conflict and disagreement Understand the other person Develop strategies for mutually beneficial outcomes. ◦Principles derived from the Therapeutic Crisis Intervention program at Cornell University (rccp.cornell.edu)

What Does Conflict Look Like? Examples?

What Does Conflict Look Like? The Stress Cycle ◦Baseline ◦Trigger ◦Escalation ◦Outburst ◦Recovery

What Does Conflict Look Like? The goal is to get to Recovery ◦You have the chance to stop the cycle at any time

What Does Recovery Look Like? 3 Options ◦Higher – Learning Happens ◦No Change ◦Lower – Damage Done

What Are Our Goals? Support Teach

What Can We Do? Ask Ourselves 4 Questions – ◦What am I feeling right now? ◦What does the other person feel, need or want? ◦How are circumstances affecting the other person? ◦How do I best respond?

What Can We Do? Be Aware of Environmental Factors ◦Location, Location, Location.

What Can We Do? What verbal signals are you sending? ◦Be aware of how your actions and words could be interpreted. ◦Things come across differently to different age groups, cultures and backgrounds.

What Can We Do? ◦What negative non-verbals are you sending? ◦Be aware of body language, facial expression and body positioning.

What Can We Do? What Positive non-verbals can you send? ◦ Be aware of body position ◦Try to “get on their level” ◦Stance and posture can portray investment in the conversation

What Can We Do? Use Active Listening ◦What is active listening? ◦Show intent with body position ◦Use verbal eliciting techniques ◦“yes, I see, go on, uh-huh”

What Can We Do? Use Active Listening ◦Active listening is NOT ◦Throwing up roadblocks ◦Premature problem solving ◦Arguing or establishing facts ◦Giving permission ◦Time Consuming

What Not To Do Do Not Make It Personal! ◦The problem is not about you until you make it about you!

Survival Strategies I. A.S.S.I.S.T. ◦Isolate the situation ◦Actively Listen ◦Speak calmly and respectfully ◦Statements of understanding precede requests ◦Invite the person to consider positive outcomes ◦Space reduces pressure ◦Time

Survival Strategies When Things Escalate Quickly ◦Manage the environment ◦Give minimal prompts to ensure safety and wellbeing of others in the area ◦Offer a caring gesture if appropriate – offer a chair, a drink of water to close a door, open a door, etc

Survival Strategies When Things Escalate Quickly ◦Offer help over an immediate hurdle – a problem that can be solved immediately to alleviate stress in the other person at the moment ◦Realize that it may be in the best interest of both parties and the school to take time away from the situation ◦Attempt to schedule an appointment or if necessary, involve superiors and/ or campus security procedures

Survival Strategies After de-escalating conflict, then you can start problem solving

Survival Strategies I. E.S.C.A.P.E. ◦Isolate the conversation ◦Explore the other person’s point of view ◦Summarize the feelings and content ◦Connect feelings and content ◦Alternatives discussed ◦Plan developed ◦End the interaction in a caring manner

How To Be A Conflict Survivor Remember – ONE interaction can be the difference in a student’s educational future It’s not about you until you make it about you. Stop the stress cycle before it starts! Ask yourself the 4 questions I. A.S.S.I.S.T. I. E.S.C.A.P.E.

Questions? Aaron Andrews For More info on the Cornell TCI Project: ◦Rccp.cornell.edu