7 Fundamentals of a Thriving Marriage Selected Scriptures © November 8, 2015 Wade Harlan

ALL MARRIAGES TAKE WORK Because there are usually big adjustments that must be made...  as we discover more about our spouses.  as we realize men aren’t women & women aren’t men.  as our life circumstances change.

The 3 Fundamentals of a Good Tennis Shot 1.Get your racquet back in advance. 2.Hit the ball off your front foot. 3.Follow through high.

7 FUNDAMENTALS OF A THRIVING MARRIAGE 1.The husband is the head of the house. 2.The wife is to be the husband’s helper/companion/partner in glorifying and enjoying God. 3.God hates divorce and likens it to bloody violence. 4.Sex was designed by God to be enjoyed in marriage; spouses should not deny it to each other. 5.Men are to sacrificially love their wives. 6.Men are not to treat their wives harshly but with understanding. 7.Women are to submit and to respect their husbands.

7 FUNDAMENTALS OF A THRIVING MARRIAGE #1. The Husband is the head of the house. But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. 1 Corinthians 11:3 7 For a man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God, but woman is the glory of man. 8 For man was not made from woman, but woman from man. 9 Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. 1 Corinthians 11:7-9

7 FUNDAMENTALS OF A THRIVING MARRIAGE #1. The Husband is the head of the house. 6 So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. Genesis 3:6  A leader must lead or there will be problems.

7 FUNDAMENTALS OF A THRIVING MARRIAGE #2. The wife is to be the husband’s helper/companion/partner in glorifying and enjoying God. 18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” 19 Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. 20 The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. 21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Genesis 2:18-22

7 FUNDAMENTALS OF A THRIVING MARRIAGE #2. The wife is to be the husband’s helper/companion/partner in glorifying and enjoying God. 23 Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. Genesis 2:23-25

7 FUNDAMENTALS OF A THRIVING MARRIAGE #2. The wife is to be the husband’s helper/companion/partner in glorifying and enjoying God. 14 But you say, “Why does he not?” Because the Lord was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. 15 Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth. Malachi 2:14-15

7 FUNDAMENTALS OF A THRIVING MARRIAGE #2. The wife is to be the husband’s helper/companion/partner in glorifying and enjoying God.  companion = a person with whom one spends a lot of time and/or with whom one travels  Ezer Kenegdo = “exact correspondence”  Eve was created to keep Adam from being alone.  God's purpose – to bring maximum glory to the Godhead by multiplying loving maturing disciples (who are becoming more like Christ in every area of their life) from among every nation tongue and tribe.

7 FUNDAMENTALS OF A THRIVING MARRIAGE #3. God hates divorce and likens it to bloody violence....So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth. 16 “For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless. Malachi 2:15b-16

7 FUNDAMENTALS OF A THRIVING MARRIAGE #3. God hates divorce and likens it to bloody violence. 3 And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?” 4 He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave is father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” Matthew 19:3-6

7 FUNDAMENTALS OF A THRIVING MARRIAGE #4. Sex was designed by God to be enjoyed in marriage; spouses should not deny it to each other. 3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 1 Corinthians 7:3-5

7 FUNDAMENTALS OF A THRIVING MARRIAGE #5. Men are to sacrificially love their wives. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. Ephesians 5:25-30

7 FUNDAMENTALS OF A THRIVING MARRIAGE #6. Men are NOT to treat their wives harshly but with understanding. 19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. Colossians 3: Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. 1 Peter 3:7

7 FUNDAMENTALS OF A THRIVING MARRIAGE #7. Women are to submit to and respect their husbands. 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:22-24, 31-33

Forgiving One Another …forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive” Colossians 3:11  S tate that you were wrong and sorry that you did not _____well.  I nquire about how that sin made them feel. “You must really have felt hurt when I was so harsh toward you, huh?”  L isten to their answer and clarify if needed  A sk them to forgive you  G rant forgiveness stating, “I forgive you and will not hold it against you.”

Women’s Statistical Top 3 Needs In Marriage* 1.Honesty and openness (heart level communication) 2.Family commitment (involvement in the home/parenting) 3.Affection (cuddling/touching) * from His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley Jr.

Men’s Statistical Top 3 Needs In Marriage* 1.Sexual Fulfillment 2.Admiration (respect) 3.Recreational companionship * from His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley Jr.

What Is the Best Kind of Accountability? Not someone who scolds you when fail. Instead your accountability partner...  roots for you  prays for you  encourages you  asks about your progress on your goals  helps you troubleshoot problems when you’re not having success  celebrates your victories as a team victory Also with good accountability will have the biggest impact when you pick goals where you need to be held accountable to, not just goals you want or are willing to be held accountable to.

Top 3 Fundamentals for a HUSBAND 1.Be a good companions)- enjoy & discuss life together. 2.Sacrificially love your wife. 3.Be gentle not harsh with your wife.

Top 3 Fundamentals for a WIFE 1.Submit to and respect your husband. 2.Be a good companions- enjoy & discuss life together. 3.Do not deny your husband.

A Suggested Application Take a date night or at least minutes together this week  Take time to give 1-2 items that you’d like your spouse to work on improving for the next week.  If you have time discuss how you’re doing at the top 3 fundamentals or top 7 fundamentals of a thriving marriage. ***Ask your accountability partner to help you!

Question & Answer Time

FOUR PRACTICAL QUESTIONS FOR OUR EVERYDAY LIFE 1. Which of these 7 fundamentals do you need to give them most attention to? 2. Will you take a date night this week and lovingly discuss your & your spouse’s needs and work on improving the areas your spouse requests? 3.* Men – tell your spouse what they do that makes you feel respected. * Women – tell your husband what they do that makes you feel loved/cherished. 4.What do you think are your personal top 3 needs in your marriage?