Freshmen Advisory October 26, 2015 MANNERS

The Basics You’re never too old to say “please” and to say “thank you.” HOW you say “please” and how you say “thank you” can make a world of difference!! EYE CONTACT: Be sure you make eye contact with the person when using please and thank you. BODY LANGUAGE: A smile can go a long way! Try to smile when you say please and thank you so the person receiving your message hears your sincerity. “Please” and “Thank you” are the bare minimums when we have a discussion about manners, but what manners do you need to know now that you are a young adult?

Going Beyond “Please” and “Thank you” Now that you are a young adult, you will be expected to understand some simple social expectations. These will be important as you begin to look for a job, interview with a potential employer, or interview for scholarships or internships. HAND SHAKE: A good handshake tells the person you are greeting that you are confident and serious. Be sure when you shake a person’s hand, you engage in a full hand shake. Don’t shake using just your fingers and don’t grip the person so hard that it hurts. Your grip should be firm, but not overpowering, and your eyes should make contact with the person whose hand you are shaking. Only move your hand up and down two or three times when engaged in a hand shake. Any more than that, makes you look silly. Try shaking two other people’s hands now and be sure to maintain eye contact.

Social Manners to Know and to Practice MAINTAIN EYE CONTACT WHEN SPEAKING TO PEOPLE OR MEETING SOMEONE FOR THE FIRST TIME: When you are speaking to someone, always maintain good eye contact so the person knows you are listening and that you are engaged in the conversation. When you meet someone for the first time, always make eye contact so the person knows you are respectful and present in the moment. If you are meeting someone for the first time, this is a perfect opportunity to extend your hand and to practice your firm, but not overpowering, full hand shake!

Social Manners to Know and to Practice APOLOGIZING: You are not children anymore. When you have done something wrong or when you have hurt someone’s feelings, it’s important to apologize. Remember the Golden Rule – treat others as you would like to be treated. PERSONAL SPACE: Part of growing up is understanding personal space. Don’t stand too close to people when you are speaking and be sure to keep your hands to yourself. No one likes it when another person touches or messes with their stuff, even if you think you are best friends. Be respectful of everyone’s personal space and you will find that people will respect your personal space as well. Without using anyone’s name, does someone have an example of a person invading your personal space or not apologizing? How did this make you feel?

Social Manners to Know and to Practice ASK PERMISSION: It’s normal for teenagers to rely on their friends and to ask the adults in their lives for help. Be sure you respect your peers and other adults by asking permission before you use something that is not yours or asking permission when you want something or want to do something. Asking permission shows the people around you that you respect them and that you respect yourself. SAY “EXCUSE ME”: Interrupting can be contagious! Have you ever noticed that you begin interrupting in conversations when others interrupt you? Practice saying “excuse me” when other people are talking if you feel like you need attention or if you need to interject a thought. Otherwise, wait patiently for the person to complete his/her thoughts before you speak or add to the conversation.

Social Manners to Know and to Practice SAY “EXCUSE ME” WHEN YOU SNEEZE, COUGH, BURP, OR BUMP INTO SOMEONE: Sneezing or coughing loudly is considered rude and obnoxious behavior. Say “excuse me” when you sneeze or cough and be sure to cover your nose and mouth with your elbow or arm. Burping is also considered rude behavior. Say “excuse me” if you have an unexpected burp and show the people around you that you have good manners. When you bump into someone or accidentally touch someone, say “excuse me.” Saying “excuse me” tells the other person you didn’t intentionally mean to touch them and it shows your maturity and respectful nature.

Social Manners to Know and to Practice BE RESPECTFUL AND KIND: Many young people believe that put-downs or insults are fun and humorous. KNOW your audience! Many times put-downs and insults make the person who is saying them look incredibly rude, childish, and ignorant. Everyone knows someone who is rude and disrespectful, but does THAT PERSON know he or she is rude? It’s important to kindly let a person know when he/she is being rude. Many times the person believes he/she is being funny, when in truth, they appear to be a big jerk. Help your friends be socially acceptable by helping them understand when and where to be funny. This includes laughing at people and refraining from being a big gossip! Being respectful and kind will help you more in life than trying to be funny. Does anyone have an example of correcting someone kindly when he/she was rude to you? How did you respond? How could you respond if someone is rude to you without being rude yourself?

Social Manners to Know and to Practice RESPECT YOUR RELATIONSHIPS: As a young person your relationships will shift and change over time. Value the people you are with or you will find yourself in a place where many people don’t want to be around you. If you respect your friends, don’t take advantage of their friendship, value your time with people who make your life better, and surround yourself with positive influences, you will find that respecting your relationships will be easy. If you have trouble keeping friends, you may want to examine your own behavior first, then ask someone you trust for advice. TAKE CARE OF YOUR PERSONAL HYGIENE: Now that you are older, face it, you stink! No one likes being next to someone who has a poor odor. Shower daily, pay attention to your breath, and wear clean clothes. If any of these things are difficult for you, speak to a teacher or to your counselor and we will get you the supplies you need to stay clean.

Understand and Know Good Table Manners CHEW WITH YOUR MOUTH CLOSED: For some reason, many people forget that chewing with an open mouth is rude and moreover, it’s gross! Keep your mouth closed when you are chewing your food. DON’T TALK WITH FOOD IN YOUR MOUTH: Many people are in such a rush that they are compelled to talk with food in their mouth. Finish your food, then speak. This shows everyone around you that you respect them and that you understand good table manners. THE NAPKIN GOES ON YOUR LAP: As a kid you may have put a napkin on your shirt. Now that you are a young adult, your napkin should be open and placed on your lap. ELBOWS OFF THE TABLE: When you put your elbows on the table, you send a clear message that you have not been taught good table manners. Keep your hands in your lap and your elbows off the table. BEGIN EATING AFTER EVERYONE HAS BEEN SERVED: It’s rude to start eating when others at the table have not received their food. Be patient and wait for everyone to be served. This will show the people who are with you that you respect them and that you are courteous.

Know Appropriate Cell Phone Etiquette WHEN DO I PUT MY CELL PHONE ON SILENT AND KEEP IT OUT OF SIGHT?? DURING MEALS: When you are at the table, this is the time for you to be engaged in conversation with the people who are dining with you. Keep your cell phone out of sight and on silent so that you are not being rude. WHEN YOU ARE IN AN IMPORTANT SETTING: There’s nothing more annoying then someone’s cell phone buzzing or ringing during an important time. Here are some times when your cell phone should be off and out of sight – In a job interview In a restaurant At the movies In a church In a library When you are a guest in someone’s home When you meet your significant other’s parents for the first time In a CLASSROOM!!

More Cell Phone Etiquette KNOW WHEN AND WHERE IT’S APPROPRIATE TO TEXT: Texting when you are with company is rude and sends the message that your text is more important than the people who are with you. Save your texts, Snap Chat, Facebook messages, and other apps for a time when you are not at your job, with family, or in an important meeting. Texting someone while trying to hold a conversation with a person in front of you is rude and ridiculous. Really, is it that important?

Model Good Manners Every Day HOLD THE DOOR OPEN FOR OTHERS: It’s polite to hold the door open for someone who is behind you. Take the extra time to be polite. Your actions will show others you are a considerate person. SEND THANK YOU NOTES: A text message is not the same thing as a thank you note. Take the time to write a hand-written note to someone when you receive a gift or when someone does something nice for you. WORDS MATTER: Monitor the language you use every day. When you curse, you send the message that you don’t know any other words to express yourself maturely. When you consistently put others down, you send the message that you aren’t a good person. Words can hurt. Once they leave your mouth, you can’t take them back. PRACTICE THE GOLDEN RULE DAILY: Do unto others… How many times do teens say, “He’s so annoying!” or “She can’t stop talking!” Think about your behavior and how you affect those around you. Are you being polite? Are you treating others as you hope to be treated? Think about it…your behavior will determine how others treat you.

Good Manners Matter How we treat each other and the people around us will determine our social acceptance. Believe it or not, how we interact and treat the people around us will make a bigger impact in our lives than any job we will hold or the amount of money we will make. Your manners and attitude toward others will impact your life forever. Make your actions count. If you have lost friendships over your poor behavior, it’s never too late to apologize and start over. Practice good manners and let the people in your life see that you care about them just as much as yourself.

Start TODAY! Practice your good manners today. Notice if your good manners make a positive impact on your day and the people around you. The next advisory class we’ll check in as a group and share who practiced using good manners. Thank YOU for listening!