Lesson 6 – Dating and Mate Selection Robert Wonser

2 Dating  Dating as we know it developed in the 20th century. It is a practice in which people meet and participate in activities together in order to get to know each other.

3 Filtering  When we see people we filter them as either being in or out of our pool of eligibles.  Filtering is the process of identifying those we interact with as either being in or out of our pool of people we might consider to be a date or mate.

4 Forming Relationships, Selecting Mates  The process of selecting mates is largely determined by society  Two concepts (homogamy and propinquity) tell us a lot about how this process works.

5 Forming Relationships, Selecting Mates  Homogamy means “ like marries like, ” and is demonstrated by the fact that we tend to choose mates who are similar to us in:  class, race, ethnicity, age, religion, education, and even levels of attractiveness.  Propinquity is the tendency to marry or have relationships with people in close geographic proximity.  Jerry Falls in Love with ‘Himself’ Jerry Falls in Love with ‘Himself’

6 What about the effect of new technologies?  Propinquity is logical; we are likely to find possible mates among the people in our neighborhood, at work, or at school.  The internet makes courtship and romance possible across much greater geographical areas, as we can now meet and converse with people in all parts of the world, so our pool of potential mates moves beyond local bounds.  But even this technology may intensify homogamy by bringing together people with very specific interests and identities.

7 We Like Those Like Ourselves  The similarity principle states that the more similar two people perceive themselves to be, the more likely their relationship will continue and succeed.

8 Signs of Attraction  increased pulse rate & blood pressure  rapid breathing  tensed muscles & better posture  blushing/flushed  agitation  eyes  body orientation and distance

9 Why do you date?

10 10 What do you personally look for in a date? Specific characteristics (physical or otherwise) Who influences this?

11 Personal Ads  If you were to write a personal ad, how would you describe yourself and what you have to offer?

12 12 Sexual Aggression and Dating Violence  Verbal Sexual Coercion -using verbal coercion to obtain sex  Date Rape -forcing of involuntary sex  Progression of Violence -verbal aggression may progress to physical aggression

13 13 Avoiding Date Rape  go to a public place  share expenses so you don’t owe him  avoid drugs and alcohol  don’t leave drinks unattended  avoid ambiguous verbal and non verbal behavior  be forceful and firm  if things get out of hand, be loud, leave, get help

14 Applying Theory  Exchange Theory  Assumptions  We maximize rewards while minimizing costs  If rewards are greater we choose that mate  If costs are greater we move onn  Costs and rewards are determined by the actor, not the observer  Application  Abusive relationships 14

15 Applying Theory  Stimulus-Value-Role Theory  Assumptions  The exchange is mutual and dependent upon the subjective assets and liabilities each person brings to the relationship  Stimulus  Trait that draws your attention  Value  What is desirable  Role  Being a boyfriend 15

16 Applying Theory  Stimulus-Value-Role Theory  Application  You see someone in class and the stimulus is that you think he is cute  Sit next to him and talk to him after class  Drop a pencil to see if he picks it up for you  In talking you find he is a conservative just like you-values  After a while you start to date-role 16