Keeping Your Love Alive

Session 1 How Satisfying is your Marriage?

Emotion is important to the creation of attachment bonds. Through our emotions we discover what matters most to us and what meaning we place on particular events and experiences. The Role of Emotion in Marital Intimacy

Maintaining Our Love Relationship Reciprocity – working together Intentionality – being deliberate The importance of maintaining and repairing marriage

What Does It Take To Keep Love Alive? Goodwill Mutual respect and trust Effective communication Mutual commitment Expressing appreciation and affection Adaptability Resolve conflicts Sexual satisfaction Spiritual values Social connectedness

Emotional Barriers in Troubled Marriages Fear of closeness Unresolved anger Need for power and control Low self-esteem Jealousy and mistrust Idealisation of the relationship

Session 2 Communication: The Key to Emotional Closeness

Principles of Effective Communication The skills of communication are learned. It is impossible NOT to communicate. How you feel about yourself affects how you communicate. Empathic listening is a vital part of good communication. Playback before talkback. Feelings are the essence of communication.

5 Levels of Communication Level five: Cliché conversation Level four: Reporting the facts Level three: My ideas and opinions Level two: My feelings and emotions Level one: Intimate communication

The Process of Communication Self-awareness Self-disclosure Listening Interpretation Play-back Confirmation

The Bible writers also confirm the importance of listening. Solomon said “the wise man learns by listening” (Proverbs 21:11 LB) and “answering before listening is both stupid and rude” (Proverbs 18:13 TM). The apostle James admonished everyone in the early Christian church to “be quick to listen and slow to speak” (James 1:19 NIV). Biblical Importance of Listening

Active Listening Listening to words and feelings Empathising with the speaker Suspending judgement

Session 3 Understanding and Dealing with Marital Conflict

The Role of Emotion in Marital Conflict Fear of being misunderstood or rejected. Heightened feelings of anxiety and insecurity. Deal constructively with the emotional component first. Attend to specific issues second.

Sources of Conflict in Marriage Money, sex, and communication Poor communication Relationship and family matters Differences Differences in family history and background

Power Feeling loved Recognition Commitment Integrity Acceptance Six Hidden Issues

Step One: Connect with the emotion Step Two: Discuss the problem Step Three: Solve problems A Three-Step Model for Managing Conflict