Foster Care As Experienced by Foster Parents By: Tanya McDonald

Introduction For my culminating project, I chose to interview 3 foster mothers about the impact fostering has had on their lives. The goal of this presentation is to raise awareness of the need for high quality foster parents and to provide some knowledge of what committing to foster a child entails.

Pattie

How long were you a foster parent? I fostered my older daughter for 2 ½ years and my younger daughter for 1 year and 10 months prior to adoption. I also fostered another girl for 10 months who I did not end up adopting. The girl’s mother did what she needed to do to regain custody.

How did you feel about that reunification? It was heartbreaking, but there was nothing I could do about it, because the mom did what she needed to. I think the mom felt that I was a threat to her keeping her daughter, so I have not stayed in contact with them.

Why did you decide to be a foster parent? “It’s a spiritual journey. I always thought of life as a way of making my life a gift to others and receiving the gift that others are.” Sharing the gospel I’ve always loved kids. “I felt called to help the world be a more beautiful place by helping these kids to heal, giving them a stability, giving them a forever home and that way they heal and are able to grow and bloom and blossom and make the world a better place.”

They become my priority. They keep me grounded, because I need to live by example and be true to what I believe. How did being a foster parent impact your life other than resulting in 2 new family members?

What are some challenges of being a foster parent? Many challenges similar to biological parents. It is an emotional roller coaster ride, because you don’t know whether you will get to keep them or not. Biological parents go through labor and delivery and foster parents go through a different type of labor and delivery that is longer lasting. Setting boundaries and helping them make good choices.

What are the positive aspects of being a foster parent? Seeing brokenness become healed. Knowing that they have a stability and a forever family. It’s a great joy, even for extended family.

What advice would you give to potential foster parents? “You need to be determined. You need to really really really want it, because it’s not easy.” Believe that your mission and calling in life is to make the world a better place.

Additional Comments “It’s a wonderful adventure. It’s a wonderful way of making the world a better place, you know. To help a child heal and to have a forever family.” “There are struggles in it and they will bring their brokenness with them, but you know, it is well worth it…it’s immeasurable.”

Shannon

How long have you been a foster parent? 5 years

Why did you decide to be a foster parent? I met foster children as a counselor, so I knew there were children who needed good quality foster parents. I felt called to be a foster parent.

How has being a foster parent impacted your life? It is a big commitment. Trying to juggle the many appointments foster children are required to attend is difficult to incorporate into the busy lifestyles many of us lead. These appointments include: Sibling visits, meetings with social workers, counseling and doctor appointments, etc.

What are some challenges of being a foster parent? I have my own children too, so giving all the children in my care the attention they deserve and helping my biological children to understand the foster children’s place in our family. Encouraging friends to invite our foster children along with biological children to events.

What are the positive aspects of being a foster parent? Seeing small steps of improvement in the children’s development. Witnessing a child become excited about something that many children take for granted. (Ex: Food or new underwear) Seeing the children leave as different people than when they arrived. Maybe they became more of who they were supposed to be.

What advice would you give to potential foster parents? Commit to what you think you can handle. If you are licensed and offered a child, make sure that child would fit into your family dynamics before committing to caring for them. DON’T BE AFRAID TO SAY NO. There will be more children, so don’t let your excitement get the best of you, resulting in a less than ideal situation for you and the child. Ask questions of the department about your child. Use respite and don’t be afraid to request it!

Additional Comments Do what you can do. If you feel called to foster, TRY IT! But find out as much as you can about fostering prior to doing so. If you don’t feel called or able to foster, there are plenty of other ways to help foster families. Donate money or items, be involved in a foster child’s experience by talking with them or providing a service for them, learn more about foster care, etc. Determine what you CAN do and DO IT!

Connie

How long have you been a foster parent? 5 years, but I have not fostered that entire time due to work trips.

Why did you decide to be a foster parent? I wanted to help people. I think humans are all meant to help each other.

How has being a foster parent impacted your life? It was transformational. It made me a better person. It exposed me to a lot of different realities while providing opportunities to do good. I’ve learned a lot about people and myself.

What are some challenges of being a foster parent? When goals of the department don’t align with goals of the foster parent(s). The department tends to lean toward reunification, whereas foster parents may not think that is a good alternative. Maybe some laws should be changed so that these conflicting goals are more likely to correspond.

What are the positive aspects of being a foster parent? You have the opportunity to make a lasting impact on a child’s life for the better.

What advice would you give to potential foster parents? If you are a person of faith, rely on that.

Additional Comments Why did you do this project? Because I have a passion for improving the situations foster children experience. Interning for the Division of Children and Family Services provided me with knowledge about the foster care system from the perspective of the department, but I wanted to broaden that perspective to include the opinions of foster parents. I wanted to learn more about what being a foster parent entails and share this knowledge with others. Do you think someday you will be a foster mother? I hope so! That’s another reason I decided to do this. Both my internship and this project have strengthened my desire to foster in the future

Song: “Home” by Phillip Phillips

Thanks for watching!