Co-Worker Communication: Handling Disagreements at Work Presented by: LifeMatters®

Anyone Here Who’s Never Experienced Conflict? Each of us experiences innumerable miscommunications and conflicts in the course of our lives that affect us deeply and daily It’s impossible to grow up in a family, live in a neighborhood, attend school, work at a job, be in an intimate relationship, raise kids, or participate in the world without experiencing conflicts of some sort Most are avoidable or unnecessary – due to miscommunication, irrelevant differences, unclear roles, responsibilities, expectations

Today Conflict assessment Recognizing triggers Communication strategies Tips for resolving Disagreements

Introductions Name / Title What you’d like to leave here with today What pops into your mind when you hear the word ‘conflict’?

Common Responses to the word “Conflict” Disagreements Fighting Fearful/Scary Hurt feelings Avoid at all costs Arguing / Yelling Defensive Hard to handle Not worth it ~ Not very positive ~

Understanding Conflict Resolution: True or False Conflict is always a bad thing Usually a symptom, not a problem Signal to take action Can increase creativity, team rapport Conflict is Win-Lose Mistakenly viewed as contest of wills Can make it worse Only difficult people cause conflicts Most are productive, dedicated employees Need adequate approaches Conflict left alone will resolve itself Early intervention is key Will expand if not addressed

Why Are We Talking About This? 85% of US employees experience conflict at work, and spend 2+ hours a week dealing with it 25% of employees say avoiding conflict results in sickness and absence 60-80% of all difficulties in organizations stem from strained relationships between employees, not from deficits in individual employee’s skill or motivation Typical manager spends 25-40% of their time dealing with workplace conflicts… that’s one to two days of every work week 75% of employees report positive outcomes from conflict, that would not have been realized without the conflict Daniel Dana, Managing Differences: How to Build Better Relationships at Work and Home (2005, 4th ed.); Barbara J. Kreisman, Insights into Employee Motivation, Commitment and Retention (2002). Washington Business Journal, May 2005

What Are the Main Causes of Disagreement at Work? Personality clashes Stress Excessive workloads Differences in beliefs/values Lack of communication Resistance/fear of change Substandard performance Confusion with responsibility, authority Misunderstandings Inconsistency

Understanding Conflict Resolution Inevitable, normal and healthy Each person has equally valid needs Must be solved together Too much conflict you have aggression… too little you have stagnation

How Do You Handle Disagreements? (pg 1)

What behaviors might indicate someone is feeling defensive?

Defense Strategies (pg 4) Discounting Withdrawal Threats Blaming Belittling “Guilt trips” Derailing Punishing

Tips for Eliminating Defensive Behavior Watch your “cues” Acknowledge triggers Take the high road Admit when you’re wrong

Handling Disagreements (pg 5) Avoid judgments Use “I” statements Focus on present Avoid negative comparisons Describe your feelings Be clear, honest, direct Avoid sarcasm or humor Practice active listening Use ‘whole’ messages

Using “I” Statements “I feel…” “I think…” “I need…” “I’d like…” “I’d appreciate…”

Using “I” Statements You Statement: “You’re always late for our meetings. You’d better be on time for the next one.” I Statement: “It’s important that we keep to our schedule. I would really appreciate your arriving on time.”

Lose the Blame You statement: “You never get your work done on time. I’m tired of having to do everything for you.” I Statement: “I feel frustrated when I have to finish both parts of the report. How can we make this work for both of us?”

Lose the Blame You statement: “You’re expecting too much! There would have to be two of me to get all this done.” I Statement: “I’m feeling overwhelmed with my current workload. I have some ideas on how we might be able to streamline the process. When would be a good time to talk?”

How Do You Know When Someone Is REALLY Listening?

Active Listening (pg 6) Encourage Clarify Restate Reflect Summarize Validate

Communicating Using Whole Messages ((pg 7) At the core of all anger is a need that isn’t being met…discover the need – not being heard, feeling unvalued, being treated unfairly, misunderstood

Calm, Cool, Collected… What Gets In Your Way?

Take A Break Step back Breathe Respond with reflection vs react from instinct Your choice paves the path for dialogue or rebuttal

How Do We Contribute to Conflicts? You observe the situation through your own personal filter You tell yourself a story about what’s happening The story creates some strong & often irrational emotions You take actions based on the emotions you’re feeling The other person reacts and tells themselves a story…

Preventing Conflicts Realize you’re telling a story – it is not the truth You create your own emotions – you make yourself upset Identify and manage emotions – express them rationally Pause…act like the “Ideal You” Use I statements Ask good questions – listen and summarize Clarify your intention: What do you want to happen What do you NOT want to happen What would you like in terms of the relationship with this person Are you acting in a way that will accomplish this

In Summary Build good relationships before conflict occurs Don’t let small problems escalate Respect differences Listen to other’s perspectives Acknowledge feelings before focusing on facts Focus on solving problems, not changing people Pause - consider the intent and consequences of your words If you can’t resolve the disagreement, ask for help

“Listen to learn … not to respond “Listen to learn … not to respond.” “Seek first to understand, before being understood.”

Using LifeMatters® 1-800-634-6433 ~ mylifematters.com Jennifer Dean ~ Please complete the feedback forms ~