SURVIVING AND THRIVING THROUGH DIVORCE

Overview of Divorce Issues Overview of the Divorce Process Litigation versus Mediation Frequently Asked Questions about Divorce Coping Skills and Surviving the Emotional Toll New Relationships and Moving Forward with Your Life

Are You Sure Divorce is the Answer? Can the marriage be salvaged? What is best for the children? Once you have made a decision, educate yourself.

Process of Grieving and Separating Different from grieving death. Individuals reaction to grief vary. Importance of feeling and expressing grief. Importance of period of emotional separation.

Implications of Divorce Emotional  Will it allow you to be happier?  Will it remove you from a bad relationship?  How will your life be different out of the relationship? Financial  What do you need to survive now?  How will you be able to survive in the future?

Serious Soul Searching Time What do you want to do now? What survival skills to you have? What unfulfilled dreams and aspirations could you realize?

Prioritizing Your Life Pay attention to all aspects of your life: Physical Mental Financial Career Family Friends Personal, hobbies, interests Spiritual

Reach out to Others Stay connected to family and friends. Use professional counselors and therapists for practical advice and objectivity on sensitive issues. Good time to evaluate yourself as an individual – take care of yourself first. Keep doctors appointments, your workout schedule, take a class or learn a new skill.

Needs vs. Wants What do you need to live on?  Don’t make drastic changes in your standard of living.  Put together a realistic budget ASAP. Know where your money goes. What do you want to live with?  How will your values impact how you move forward.

Focus on the Positive Outcomes How can you reframe the experience into a positive one? What image are you projecting through the divorce?  Positive or complaining?  Taking control or being a victim?

Legal Issues/Financial What are your legal options?  Mediation  Collaboration  Litigation How do you know which is best for your situation? Divorce laws vary from state to state.

Mediation Both parties are willing and able to sit down and negotiate an agreement on issue of custody, child support and maintenance and division of assets using a trained mediator. Can be the least costly, more expedient, less adversarial. Parties must be cooperative.

Collaboration Negotiation of agreement done with collaborative law attorneys involved from the beginning. More costly than mediation but less than litigation. Focus heavily on finding solutions for the family with a strong emphasis on children. Useful process when there are financial or asset issues that may be more complicated such as a family business or self- employed spouse.

Litigation Both spouses have attorneys who represent only their interests. In cases that are not settled, a judge will decide on custody, maintenance and visitation. Takes ability to decide on certain issues out of your hands and gives them to the court. Decisions can fall in your favor or against you.

Custody Issues What is in the best interest of the children? Co-parenting and dual custody –what does it mean? Think far ahead into the future, not just a few years down the road. What if…one spouse remarries, moves, changes jobs, becomes disabled? Do not involve children in issues between you and your spouse.

The Dream Some children hope their parents will get back together. Be honest, focus on future happiness. Discuss what the new family structure will be like. Give kids responsibilities but don’t burden them with financial fears or uncertainty. Keep traditions going or create new traditions for you and your children.

Common Mistakes People Make Not advocating for themselves. Getting angry and abusive. Wasting energy on harboring a grudge. Not knowing that if you have been married 10 years or more the wife is entitled to receive half of her husband’s social security benefit at retirement. Forgetting to update wills, healthcare proxies, estate papers, beneficiaries on life insurance policies. Not being specific enough on visitation schedules. Making negative comments about the other parent to the children. Not establishing a separate financial identity by having their own bank account, credit card and credit rating.

Resources - divorce resource, offering state-specific articles, an online community and a nationwide directory of divorce lawyers, mediators and financial professionals. LifeCare www.lifecare.com