The Art of Revision A few quick steps to tighten your writing

Even famous writers struggle “The best writing is rewriting.” —E.B. White “I believe more in the scissors than I do in the pencil.” —Truman Capote “Every writer I know has trouble writing.” —Joseph Heller “I always do the first line well, but I have trouble doing the others.” —Moliere “I have rewritten—often several times—every word I have ever published. My pencils outlast their erasers.” —Vladimir Nabokov

I. Run-on sentences Zayn Malik left One Direction this week, he said he was tired of being in the band. Emma Watson is my favorite actress, she should win the Nobel Prize, I admire her activism, too.

How to fix? 1. Periods or semi-colons Zayn Malik left One Direction this week. He said he was tired of being in the band. Emma Watson is my favorite actress; she should win the Nobel Prize. I admire her activism, too.

How to fix? 2. Conjunctions (words that link two independent clauses/sentences) Zayn Malik left One Direction this week, and he said he was tired of being in the band. Emma Watson is my favorite actress, so she should win the Nobel Prize. I admire her activism, too. Emma Watson is my favorite actress. She should win the Nobel Prize, because I admire her activism, too.

The Fanboys For And Nor But Or Yet So Other possibilities: because, if, although, even though, after, before, when, while, just as, as soon as, considering that

The most annoying word in English “however” Incorrect: The Titanic was promoted as an unsinkable ship, however, it sank on its maiden voyage. Correct: The Titanic was promoted as an unsinkable ship. However, it sank on its maiden voyage.

Let’s try a few… 1.Katniss feels afraid, she volunteers to enter the Hunger Games. 2.Harry Potter overcomes many obstacles, he is very brave and resourceful. 3.I think Bernie Sanders will become president, he is not leading in the polls right now. 4.Katy Perry is my favorite singer, my parents say she can’t sing to save her life. 5.I had finished my homework for the night, I turned on the TV. 6.I am relieved to be at Middle College, it is much better than elementary and middle school.

Revise your paper Look for sentences marked “Run-on” or “RO” in your narrative and see what kind of change (period, semi-colon, Fanboy) would fix them best.

II. Tense shifts I got up this morning, and I make breakfast for myself and my siblings. We catch the bus just in time, and there was a new bus driver named Linda. When I arrived in first period class, the teacher says she wants to talk to me. It turns out that I’m nominated for Student of the Month, and I was so proud. What’s wrong with this paragraph?

Types of tense Past: Roger tried to steal Mrs. Jones’ purse. Present: Roger tries to steal Mrs. Jones’ purse. Past within present: Roger tried to steal Mrs. Jones’ purse yesterday, and today he is using her money to buy blue suede shoes.

Revise your paper Look for leaps of tense in your narrative and figure out whether past or present works best for your story as a whole.

III. Writing dialogue “Put down that gun,” the police officer said. “All right, fine,” I said. “This day has been crazy.” “Tell me about it,” he said. “The sirens have been going since noon.” “What’s the trouble?” “Oh, things always get out of hand the day before a holiday.” “I think a neighborhood watch program could solve some of those issues,” I said. “If only we had the funding.” “Yes, for sure. We should petition the mayor.”

Is this better? “Put down that gun,” the police officer said. “All right, fine,” I said. “This day has been crazy.” “Tell me about it,” he said. “The sirens have been going since noon.” “What’s the trouble?” “Oh, things always get out of hand the day before a holiday.” “I think a neighborhood watch program could solve some of those issues,” I said. “If only we had the funding.” “Yes, for sure. We should petition the mayor.”

Revise your paper Look for places in your narrative where dialogue is crammed together without line breaks. Make the paragraph symbol to indicate when a new paragraph should begin.