Healthy Relationships KATRINA, JULIA, AND EMILY

Healthy Relationships 3 areas to discover: Healthy relationships Unhealthy relationships: Emotional abuse Physical abuse Sexual abuse Prevention/Getting help Communication

What Is It?? Are these present? Independence Trust & Support Respect Honesty Good Communication Shared Responsibility Fairness Safety/Security Non-Violence

Loving Someone Means... Each person: Listens to other person and her/his ideas Considers the other’s needs Takes care of her/him self Feels comfortable Wishes to be with the other person Feels valued in the relationship Values the differences between them

Emotional Abuse Rejection Degradation Treat someone with contempt and disrespect Isolation Ignoring Controlling Terrorization Create and maintain a state of extreme fear in someone Corruption To destroy the integrity of someone; to lower morally Exploitation To use someone for selfish purposes to fulfill one’s own needs

Prevent! Do not accept inappropriate or disrespectful treatment! Stop it before it starts.

Physical Assault The intentional use of force or threats of force on another person in an attempt to control behaviour and/or intimidate. Examples: Hitting (slapping, punching, shoving, etc.) Kicking Throwing Pulling hair

Cycle of Abuse The cycle will continue and grow in severity over time unless there is intervention!

Prevent! Be aware of the warning signs of a potentially abusive person: Unable to cope with difficult emotions, has a bad temper, may break things, justifies or thinks violence is funny, uses power and control, uses drugs or alcohol, or lacks empathy and/or compassion

Dating Violence The emotional, physical, and/or sexual abuse of one partner by the other in a dating relationship where the couple isn’t living together. Couples can be: Female with Male (heterosexual) Female with Female (homosexual) Male with Male (homosexual)

Sexual Assault When someone forces any form of sexual activity on someone else without their permission. Examples: Kissing Fondling (caressing) Flashing Touching

Consent Is... Active, not passive Based on choice Not manipulated Not coerced (consent from intimidation) Not submission due to fear Given freely

Consent Doesn’t Exist When... The older person is in a position of trust (family member) or authority (boss) One person threatens or uses force A third party says “Yes” for someone A person is incapable of consent (i.e. intoxicated) A person expressed with words or actions a lack of agreement (saying “No”) The person changed his/her mind at any point

Prevent! Go to parties/dates in groups. There’s strength and protection in numbers. Look out for your friends! Do a headcount every so often and make sure you know where everyone is Always have a plan for a ride home before going out. Avoid drugs and alcohol. Avoid being alone with people you don’t know. Be firm and assertive in your boundaries. Know your limits and communicate them. Don’t push boundaries and respect others’ boundaries.

Remember!! Assault of any form is punishable by law. Report it.

Communication I-Messages: Most appropriate way to communicate conflicts to another person. More respectful than you-messages, which are more like attacking. It’s being assertive, not aggressive. I-Messages have 3 parts: I feel (state feeling) when you (describe specific behaviour) because (state how it affects you).

Example I feel angry when you tell something I told you in secret because I didn’t want anyone else to know. NOT: “You can’t keep a secrets. I’m never going to speak to you again.” NOTE: The other person can’t take a defensive take on what you say because it’s how you feel. It lets the other person know, in a respectful way, why you’re upset, leading to a resolution/compromise.

Communication Sending: 7% of communication is verbal 93% is delivered by body language, facial expressions, and tones. Receiving: Being an active listener means to be accepting, open minded, empathetic, affirming, and honest. You don’t have to know the answers to everything, just be there!

Myths and Facts Myth: People are naturally good at communicating. Fact: Good communicating takes skills that need to be learned and practiced over and over, it takes a lifetime. Myth: Listening is a passive process. Fact: Hearing is passive, listening takes work. It involves checking to make sure you understand what the other is saying, noticing our own “self-talk” or “noise” that might judge what is being said, and paying attention to non-verbal communication.

Myths and Facts Myth: When friends or peers don’t say anything for a moment, we should “jump in” just to break the silence. Fact: Silence can give someone a chance to explore what they are feeling and thinking, and to fit information together. “Silences make the real conversations between friends.” -Margaret Lee Runbeck

Being A Better Listener Spend more time listening (actively!) - gag yourself Find interest in the other person Stay out of the way Listen to what is being said between the lines Body language, body language, body language! Be aware of your own “noise”

Empathetic Listening Listening for both the facts and the feelings behind a message. Requires to mirror-back (paraphrase) what the other person said to affirm you understand and showing the other person you’re genuinely trying to understand them. Shows you’re willing to take to the time to hear what they have to say.

Empathetic Listening... Lets the listener check if they understand the message. Reflecting gives the opportunity for clarification. Shows the speaker you truly respect and are interested in their feelings. Helps the speaker to further explore their thoughts and feelings. Supports the speaker in solving their own problems by giving them the opportunity to talk them through.

Thank You!