Human Relationships Unit: Interpersonal Relationships Learning Objective: Discuss the role of communication in maintaining relationships

Communication Effective verbal and nonverbal communication is essential to any committed relationship. Effective verbal and nonverbal communication is essential to any committed relationship. Major goals of effective communication: Major goals of effective communication: clear, nonjudgmental, and non-punitive interaction clear, nonjudgmental, and non-punitive interaction conflict resolution through problem solving rather than coercion or manipulation conflict resolution through problem solving rather than coercion or manipulation convey what we and others feel convey what we and others feel establish an atmosphere of trust and honesty in resolving or decreasing conflict establish an atmosphere of trust and honesty in resolving or decreasing conflict

Communication Self-disclosure (telling another person about oneself) is important in successful communication. Self-disclosure (telling another person about oneself) is important in successful communication. Reciprocity is important for self disclosure to be effective. Reciprocity is important for self disclosure to be effective. Reciprocal self-disclosure increases partners’ liking and trusting, eliminates guesswork, balances costs and benefits. Reciprocal self-disclosure increases partners’ liking and trusting, eliminates guesswork, balances costs and benefits. Disclosure is beneficial under four conditions: Disclosure is beneficial under four conditions: esteem support - can reduce anxiety esteem support - can reduce anxiety information support - can give advice information support - can give advice instrumental support - can offer concrete help instrumental support - can offer concrete help motivational support - can encourage motivational support - can encourage Disclosure can be detrimental Disclosure can be detrimental if feedback is negative if feedback is negative if people gain “information power” if people gain “information power”

Social Penetration Theory rsonal/socpen.html (handout) rsonal/socpen.html (handout) rsonal/socpen.html rsonal/socpen.html

Sex differences in communication Women’s speech Women’s speech Talk is often an end in itself. Talk is often an end in itself. Talk may be an effort to establish equality. Talk may be an effort to establish equality. Questions that probe for greater understanding Questions that probe for greater understanding “Maintenance work” to encourage conversation “Maintenance work” to encourage conversation Personal concrete style using details, disclosures, and anecdotes Personal concrete style using details, disclosures, and anecdotes References to emotions References to emotions Tentativeness including verbal hedges, disclaimers, fillers, and fluencies Tentativeness including verbal hedges, disclaimers, fillers, and fluencies Men’s speech Instrumentality to accomplish specific purposes. Speech is the means to an end, not the end itself. Exert control to establish, enhance, or defend personal status and ideas. Conversational dominance including frequency, length, interruptions, rerouting, reinterpretation, assertion. More forceful, direct, authoritative. Communication in abstract terms.

Communication Problems Common communication problems Common communication problems Not listening Not listening Not responding to the issue at hand Not responding to the issue at hand Blaming, criticizing, and nagging Blaming, criticizing, and nagging Scapegoating Scapegoating Coercion or contempt Coercion or contempt The silent treatment The silent treatment

Communication Problems Power & conflict are normal in relationships Power is the ability to impose one’s will on others. Resource theories assert the spouse with more resources has more power. The “principle of least interest” states the person who is less interested has more power. Conflict refers to discrete, isolated disagreements as well as chronic relational problems. All partners and families experience conflict. Conflict can help strengthen relationships.

What do couples fight about? Money Money Housework Housework Fidelity Fidelity Children Children Privacy Privacy How do couples deal with conflict? Typical techniques: Submission Compromise Standoff Withdrawal

Articles: tion.html (handout) tion.html (handout) tion.html tion.html sbian_violence/stages_gay_relationships.html (for reference) sbian_violence/stages_gay_relationships.html (for reference) sbian_violence/stages_gay_relationships.html sbian_violence/stages_gay_relationships.html

Improving your communication style Couples can increase positive communication and decrease negative patterns in the following ways: Couples can increase positive communication and decrease negative patterns in the following ways: Ask for information Ask for information Don’t generalize Don’t generalize Stay focused on the issue Stay focused on the issue Be specific Be specific Keep it honest Keep it honest Make it kind Make it kind Express appreciation Express appreciation Use nonverbal communication Use nonverbal communication Above all, just listen Above all, just listen

Therapy and Programs Family therapy and counseling are a booming industry. Family therapy and counseling are a booming industry. Studies about their effectiveness are mixed. Studies about their effectiveness are mixed. Some studies show that programs are effective in communication, conflict management, and relationship quality, however the gains are small to moderate. Some studies show that programs are effective in communication, conflict management, and relationship quality, however the gains are small to moderate. Programs are often criticized because of Programs are often criticized because of unqualified therapists unqualified therapists adherence to traditional gender roles adherence to traditional gender roles expense expense they ignore broad social forces outside of the relationship. they ignore broad social forces outside of the relationship.